Some Scribbles

Just a little bit of stuff i've written down on my phone.

It doesn't make much sense. But I'm still working on the finished product of "The Break Up" and I dislike leaving this blog empty for long periods of time.

I find inspiration in the crowds jeers
In fallen tears
Wise words comforting those torn up inside
I roamed the cold city streets until I found sleep
She's a tasty number in a red dress
One song closer to my demise
I remember the lies along with my hands running up her thighs
I got a rough future baby you sure you want to come along?
Now that's a dusty path that has seen it all before
As the rebels and the forgotten waltz the night away
But baby i'm not asking for confirmation
Leave me out of the letters to mama
Feeling all nostalgic in the wrong part of town
I'm tempted to call up old mistakes
Roll the dice
Risky bets on high stakes.

-dev

 

The Break Up Part Two (Rough Draft)

Well the irony isn't lost on me. For the past few months i've been huffing and puffing about getting some time off. And here I am finished exams and with a couple days off work. And i've been BORED. And I slept in until 2:30pm today! So now it is 1 am and i'm wondering where the day went.

I did some writing for "The Break Up" series. It's a little series about a couple that has broken up. Really I have no direction for it in mind. But I'm always telling myself I should start a mini-series. This is because I'm genuinely concerned that all I can write in life is poetry. I need to show myself that I can produce structured pieces of writing that connect with one another. Before I share this I must stress that this is a rough piece of writing. I plan on polishing this whole series over the course of the holidays. With a hopeful end product at the end of january.

The approach I wanted to take with this piece was switching to the perspective of the woman in Devon's life. It  begins right as she runs from his apartment after his fateful words "It's not all about you"

So here's something to read. A (rough) continuation of The Break Up

I had heard the words. But the meaning took an extra couple of seconds to kick in. Similar to the pain one experiences being stung by a wasp.

I had a habit of running away from my problems. When I was young I would fight with my mother over any little thing. When the emotions reached a certain point I would burst from the house with a flushed face heading in no particular direction. The irony was not lost on me. I was tired of Devon’s nightly walks with no direction in mind. And there I was running down the brightly lit street of Corydon as if I had escaped from a cage.

It wasn’t the walks. I understood that in a way. It wasn’t the walks. It was the coldness. It was the blank stare when everything mattered most. The walks were just part of Devon’s slow separation from me.

I had calmed down enough to sit down. Slightly amazed at the distance I had covered. I was in a strange place. This was it. I was single and in a strange place. We had fought before. I had run away before. But today the words, the steps, and the atmosphere-it all carried a different meaning. I knew it was over. I shivered slightly at the thought of it. It wasn’t my first break up. And I knew the routine. The tipsy phone calls, the returning of all our stuff, and the tears. Thick frustrating tears shed while my friends sympathetically clutched my shoulders. They whispered fond words in my ears while silently praying their relationship wouldn’t crumble like mine.

I couldn’t help but remember the moment I had realized Devon’s heart was somewhere else. I had awoken late one night for no apparent reason. I realized Devon was out of bed and assumed he was in the bathroom. I waited for awhile before deciding to check what he was up to. I crept down the hall slowly. I had a feeling that what I was going to find would be horrific. My mind raced wildly with gruesome possibilities. I turned the corner to the living room and saw him. He sat there with a single lamp on. His body was illuminated against the light and cast a long narrow shadow against the wall. He was in a t-shirt and underwear slouched on the couch. In his hands he held a photograph. Or what seemed like it. He just sat there staring at it. And I stood in the far corner of the room unnoticed.

“Devon…?” I whispered.

He slowly looked up. And what I remember most about his face was those eyes. They were cold and lifeless. They held a sadness that reminded me of my father. After my father separated from my mother he would often sit up late at night. I could often hear him mumbling and sobbing from my bedroom. I didn’t dare approach him in those times. I knew those eyes. Those eyes were meant for those who had lost something significant in life. They scared me.

“Get out of here” His words shook me from my thoughts

“Wh..what?”

“I said get the fuck out of here!”

And I turned and ran down the hallway. It all seemed like a dream, the way the hall way stretched and my feet felt heavy. It took hours for my heart to stop pounding and finally I found sleep. The following morning I awoke and ventured back into the living room. Devon had fallen asleep curled up on the couch. I saw the photograph lying on the ground. It must have fallen out of his hand. I crept towards him, the outburst from the night before still vivid in my mind.

However I didn’t need to get very close. The hair, the eyes and the smile answered my question. Devon had been looking at a photograph of his ex lover.

Time

Just a little something I jotted down here. Had lunch with my father today and the topic came around to my ailing grandmother. She's slipping quickly into full dementia and is experiencing other physical problems as well. The family is stuck in a difficult position. We must decide whether to wait for a care home to open up ( it could take up to a year) or we may be forced to hospitalize her. My thoughts of hospitalization vs a car home are rather neutral. I'll admit I didn't know my grandmother well, and now she doesn't recognize me. I just want the best to be done for her condition.

"It's just a matter of time" my father says.

And that word struck with me. Time..it's always falling away. The hourglass of life. I look at my father and I can see he is aging. Soon he will succumb to time. And soon I will succumb to time. I know these aren't exactly the best holiday thoughts. But life is still a beautiful thing. We just need to be aware we only get a small slice of it. I feel people walk around treating eachother like we'll be here forever. A certain amount of self-awareness of our own demise should humble us. No matter where we are in life. No matter our social class or financial position..we are all mortal beings.

And time serves many other purposes. We learn from time. Time heals us. Time is everything we know from when we rise in the morning and fall in the evening.

Time shows in lines on my fathers face
The handshakes tight
The hugs sentinmental

Time comes with old faces
Passing by in the wind
Old regret hanging out at the cornerstore

Time is always one step ahead of us
Or two steps behind
Time is an elusive character

Time takes the form of wounds
Healing over,
Only to re-open and fester

Time can seem slow in despair
And quicken sharply
In the warmth of an embrace

Time is growth
As we wear out old jackets
And smooth the creases on a new attitude

It All Feels So Good Until I Wake Up

You're a girl known for a deadly embrace
But i'm caught up in that smile, that face
Hugs from behind
Heating up the kitchen
Rolling hills
Cruising on the day off
Away from the punch clock
Away from stressed faces
Tangled up in eachother tonight
It all feels so good until I wake up

Hurting each other in all the right places
What a strange feeling
You take me to strange places
Clothes in some far away corner of the room
And this must be a dream
Cause I can hardly budge from this bed
Long nails on my back
It all feels so good until I wake up

Friends telling me I haven't been the same
"It's that broad, she's to blame"
"She's a snake, prone to heartbreak"
I can't help but smile
So blissful in my self destruction
I leave the voices behind and walk into the flames
A hot summer day pressed up against you
The clothes came off with just a pull and tug
You're fixing your hair in the mirror after it's over
And I struggle and I struggle but I slip away

It all feels so good until I wake up

-dev

Some Scribbles

My friends, my friends. I've left you for awhile.

The hustle and bustle of the end of school term has left me with very little time to write. That being said, it happened. In some beautiful way writing was done in those little moments of freedom I had. The writing forced its way on to me during my quick bus rides to school. Or lines were scribbled furiously down before I succumbed to sleep. And at times, creative writing was a kick-starter to academic writing.

So while I had no time, writing seemed to crawl through any free moment I had. I can't run away from it...

I've only got a few little scribbles from my phone to post for now. But i'm working on another piece similar to the The Break-Up as this was a popular piece. And of course having all this free time between school terms will result in much more writing. December is a poetic month. And january must be escaped from at all costs..so in the next while there will be plenty to read.  Without furthur adieu..


The thing about tearing down walls is that nobody seems eager to build them back up again
So let us smash, let us smash those things that seperate us

The first kiss
A culmination of nerves and anticipation
Beautiful in it's awkwardness
It is a sign of things to come
A gift of immortality
Or an impending death sentence

He had quit his job and it inspired her
The way he had stomped out on her regard
In her favour because he couldn't stand the way she was treated

I ask her if she's ever had a serious relationship.
Really, I wondered if she had ever been in love
Because, it changes you, really
Falling in love and having it taken away
It hardens us and teaches us about the world
It softens us and make us empathetic
It's a road some have walked
And as a result they tread more carefully
I wanted to know if she had experienced that because I'm careful who I fall for
I'm wary of letting down my guards
And it's because i'll always remember how it feels when it all comes crashing down.

I know it's not much. I promise much more in the near future.

peace and love

-dev

 

The Break-Up

"You always ask where i'm going when I leave
And I struggle with the question because
I truly don't know.
It's not that i'm searching for anything.
And i'm certainly not trying to leave you.
No, you mean the world to me.
I'm just..i'm just going to be by myself for awhile.
I have some stuff to work out"

"So what, you can't talk to me?!"

She's posed on the couch. A fight she's been waiting on for awhile.

I've got one shoe on. And maybe that's how it always was. Halfway out the door.

"Whatever it is you're looking for devon..it's not me"

"Don't speak like that babe. When you speak like that the whole world feels so heavy on my shoulders. When you speak like that...I feel like you're leaving me"

"I'm not leaving you! You're the one who has his shoes on. Going for one of your 'walks' Whatever the fuck it means! You're the one who leaves. You've always been so distanced from me"
I can't stop myself as the words tumble out of my mouth

"You're always looking for constant reminders that I love you. Why? Can't you just take my word for it? I hate how you read my poetry looking for yourself in every line.
It's not always about you!"

And that final sentence seemed to echo around the room. It swirled around my head and I could tell it swirled around her head.
And I could tell it hurt her. Because she wanted it to be all about her.
It should've been really. I mean, what else did I have?

And I felt that I had done something. Like ripping the bandage off part way. I had to finish it. How could I drag her along like this?

The truth behind my walks. I often thought of leaving her. Leaving the city. I wasn't happy. So I spoke.

"It's not always about you..and it's never going to be"

And she blinked. Registered. Winced. And rose quickly. Shoving me to the side. She was gone in an instant.

In the distance I could hear her sobs along with the other growls of the city. The constant sirens seemed fitting tonight.

I look in the mirror. Splash water in my face. And speak to my reflection.

"We've got to get out of here"

Cosmopolitan Dreams

She was sitting on the curb.
Telling me about how she misses the fireworks back home.
That tall grass and the cologne covered plaid shirt of a lover.
She misses the high arch of the church steeple
Combing hair and running away from her brother.
Such a small town such a big heart
Such big dreams breaking the boundaries of town
Leading her to the big city with cosmopolitan dreams

Let me be your tuxedo tonight
I'll put the pain away with witty things to say
Walking around the party i'll squeeze your hand when things get hard
That old face appearing out from the crowd
And it all comes back
Tear stained magazines
Running a smooth hand along everything you wanted to be
You were lost in the big city with cosmopolitan dreams

She was sitting on the curb.
Telling me about how she misses the grilled cheese sandwiches
And the feeling of her fathers beard on her face
Scruffy kisses and bear hugs
I inhale deep on the cigarette and let it escape my lips
Funny how her eyes narrowed at the phrase
A question hidden by the smoke
It formed a distorted accusation

And we can let these things hover in the air
And then drift away unfufilled.
But she answered
"Do you still love life?"

"Devon I don't know what life is"
"I've been chasing cosmopolitan dreams all my life"
"And life has something about it. It brings us closer to reality. It stings, though. It's a harsh wake up call"
"I'll always be there for you" I say casually. As if it didn't mean everything to me.

"No, you wont. You say that now but chances are..you..won't"
Forever casually tearing myself apart at the inside.
"Idiot, too soon" I think to myself

"I'm sorry dev i'm crying now and you don't need this"

Her makeup had begun to run and her eyes darkened. She's hiding her face and waving me away.

But i'll never leave. And i'm just glad to have this moment.

When we finally tore up the cosmopolitan magazine. And faced life for what it really was.

Together We Run

Together we run through trees of urban expansion.
They tower high into the grey sky.
Reflecting the tired eyes of the oppressed.
As the faces plaster the window shops filled with the impossible.
Always an ideal that remains out of touch.
Shown fully in a young girl standing in front of a mirror.
She clutches the fat on her belly and wishes everything away
Shown fully in the lost young man.
He throws his fists against an unknown foe.
Wishing for it all to come to him.

Together we run through trees of urban expansion.
The alleys are always calling
The cigarettes are always falling
Somewhere between work and school I lost my mind.
You were sitting on the curb.
Telling me about how you miss the fireworks back home.
The long grass and the cologne covered plaid shirt of an ex-lover.

And the clock chimes and twists and turns.
I'm a few drinks in and the passing of time is a little distorted
Paying my tab I stumble into the street.
We are all faceless as we shuffle from place to place.
Bumping shoulders with strangers.
I shrug off the contact with distaste.

Things just aint been the same since you left town
We used to run through it all
Now my hands are shoved deep into my pockets.
Kicking stones off trees of urban expansion
You write once in awhile
Telling me to stay warm and visit when I can

I make a mental note to leave town as soon as possible.

Putting Oneself Out There

I always found that our reaction to rejection is so wonderfully illogical. I mean let me put it this way. If some random person were to enter the room right now and immediately begin berating you ( calling you all sorts of bad names along with ugly) would you take it personally? No. The rational portion of your mind would surmise at least one thing:.

This person does not know us. Therefore these accusations do not have any real truth value.

We would immediately come to the conclusion that if someone does not know anything about us personally..then their insults or accusations mean fuck all.

Yet..when approaching a relative stranger for a number or a date we become the most sensitive fucks ever. All of a sudden we are taking things personally. Interesting..

And of course I could sit here and talk nonsense about loving oneself and not “caring what others think” similar to some motivational middle school speech. But hey, we all want to get laid and cuddle sometimes. The single life is two things at the same time. It’s a great period to grow as an individual and to be “free” to move and do what you please. But it’s also not something that we all want to hold onto for life. So, eventually we will make these timid approaches to females/males.

One must be careful not to lay all our cards onto the table when it comes to anyone else. Because here’s a hard-to-choke-down fact about life:

We can’t control how other people feel

Whether we are approaching someone for a first date or experiencing a break-up. There’s only so much we can do to appease another person. It does sting, however, when we are turned down for a date or not called back after the first couple dates. And well, my theory is that we’ve put ourselves out there and haven’t had the feelings come back. It’s a crappy cold feeling and we shy away from it. Hence the reason why so many people simply sit beside each other (both totally wanting to fuck each other) and do nothing about it.

There’s this old ass Michael Jordan quote I remember. It was framed and put up in my elementary school principals office. I was in there more than I was in class. (Don’t ask) but the quote read “you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take” and well..it’s true. How could you ever have met suzy q or john smith if you hadn’t put yourself out there?

The conclusion is not appealing. But finding ourselves a little hurt is life. Similar to stuffy noses and rainy days..hurt comes in life. And it’s better to just admit to ourselves “gee, that sucked” and understand where the suckiness came from. It doesn’t make you “vulnerable” it makes you a go-getter. Err..that sounded stupid. No, it makes you a normal-fucking-person. That sounds better.

-dev

Guy Advice-Prostate Exams

 Nice moustache..when's the last time you've had a prostate exam done?

Here’s November and let’s bring out the moustaches in support of prostate cancer awareness…right? Well let’s hope so.

I’m all for guys growing a certain kind of facial hair in support of an illness. But, I want to be clear that the most important thing about prostate cancer..is actually speaking about our prostates.

The moustache only goes half-way. And in some instances the point is completely lost. Breast cancer awareness deals with this also. The idea of “movember” is supposed to unify men in an awareness campaign against prostate cancer. But how many guys sporting staches this month have actually had a prostate exam? I’m willing to say a WHOLE bunch haven’t.

So while we may be raising money for charitable dontations towards cancer research. Let’s not forget that a huge part of prostate cancer related deaths are due to tumours growing untreated on a mans prostate. So instead of growing a moustache this month ( I grow a terrible one) I’m advocating men go get a physical done if they haven’t in the past couple of years.

It’s scary and I’ll admit it. I find cancer scary and I don’t give a fuck who you are..you find it scary to. It’s also very uncomfortable to have a doctor sticking their fingers up your butt. But a few moments of an uncomfortable feeling could save your life.

My little brother ( he’s going to hate me) has dealt with some butt issues in the past. Not cancer, but some painful stuff going on down there. He just got out of surgery last month. If my little brother can deal with getting surgery done on the inside of his ass..then we can all go get a prostate exam done.

-dev

I Saw Myself Today

Walking down the street I saw myself today.
Didn't know what to do or say.
I watched who I once was walk away.
Such is life I suppose.
But then he turned and looked me in the eyes.
I could tell I served as fate in that moment
Struggling to speak, to show him the lies in disguise.
But who would I be without it all?
The highs would be nothing without the coming fall.
And i've spent time questioning who, what and why
Been through some shit but i'll stay who I am
I wouldn't pay money to be another guy.

I don't have much to say
Just that I saw myself today
And was moved to write this poem
Ended up moving on
Figured the past aint worth speaking to anymore
People come and go out my front door
New faces get me out of bed
Some despised, yet immortalized
Such is a writers dilemma
Do I give you life in my words? Allow you to exist in my notebook?
It's inevitable
Rather than tears come the words
As I do what i've always done
Talk myself through this world.

-dev

Conversations

Two Friends Interact Over A Joint

Oh, how times can change people.
And keep people the same in a vice-like grip
The hurricane years.
When everything you know or own is ripped from their roots
Love and wealth hovers tauntingly above grasp in the winds
And people make promises they will break later
When the blood spills and individual success is on the line
But some just stay the same
Leaning against forgotten walls
I might visit home one day
Run my hands along where I used to write
Might crack a bottle in the rinks tonight

"Devon, devon, wake the fuck up! You alright?"

Ah, i'm not too sure
I can still taste the lies on my mouth
Priorities all tangled up in blankets and blonde hair
I just said what I had to say
Never realizing those promises would haunt me one day

"Dude you're tripping. You hooked on a girl again? You're always one something else when it comes to shortys"

Nah, I miss a feeling.
Not a particular female in particular
But the freedom I mean, man
Feet dangling off the dock.
Toes just brushing the water
My only fear was an ice cold plunge and spilling my beer
At the same time, I wouldn't mind laying back up with shorty
Just for one night, you know?
She had a way of laughing at me
Washing over me like the pacific
She used to trace my scars with long nails
Asking me where they came from
she never held back from the truth
I envied the way she looked at life
This unobstructed fucking dope view of life


"You do this to yourself you know that? Always seems when we right faded you get all nostalgic"

Just pass that as we head down the road to nowhere
No mans land they say
I say when it all comes crashing down
Aint no cash demand on mayday ok?
We've been chasing the sunset our entire lives
Some kind of warmth that'll put us to sleep

"You know, lately when i've closed my eyes everything seems so clear"

Maybe we're living in a dream?

"Far from it man I got issues, real issues"

Hard time growing up I know
But we aint slowing up
Still growing still showing up
Doing what we gotta do to survive

"My dreams aren't my goals though. I've come to realization that I need to be reasonable in life. My girls got a baby now. And I don't want to be like her daddy.
I mean, it's a little heat.
She aint really got a daddy..
But her daddy ride a caddy down my street
Pushing keys she just wants to delete.
And her brother? Homie lives on the street.
Dude can rhyme though, lives off a beat.
But he aint never gonna make it, chasing dreams with cold feet"

Word.
Enough said man.
I feel your pain like all the others.
I feel their pain.
But that's something for another day.

-dev

Guy Advice-Insecurity

Every once in awhile on the blog I take some time to give guys some advice.

See Sex Tips

Relationships come with expected drama. And well, arguments will happen no matter what. But one common argument I see a lot that can be prevented goes as such :

Girl wants to go out with friends. Guy doesn't want to go out for whatever reason. Regardless, girl still wants to go out and have fun. Argument ensues because guy doesn't want to "let" the girl go out without him. Or he doesn't want to girl to leave him at home. They are a couple..right?

Well i'm going to say let the girl go out and have fun. And i'm saying that because what..the..fuck..is the matter?
-The guy is obviously insecure as shit if he thinks the girl is going out to grind on other random dudes.
-The guy obviously has a trust issue with the girl.
-The guy is thinking too much about himself
-And this comes off as clingy/obsessive

The list goes on and on. This is all about confidence dudes. Be a little confident that you are the person your girlfriend wants to be with.

Also, this is some valuable time to relax and play some video games. Or do some independant shit like learn chess! You should enjoy the fact that your girl is happy and dancing it up with her friends. And guess what? Chances are you'll be rewarded for your kindness.

Too many guys dig their own grave by trying to be over macho and protective. As a matter of fact, what the fuck does macho do for guys anyways? Embrace who you are. You'll attract the right type of woman this way.

Insecurity is never a good look.

-devon

Booty Shake Monday

There's a local bar here in the city that does a "booty shake monday". It's an event where a number of girls are invited to the stage to shake their bootys for a certain amount of cash. The judging is done by how loud the crowd cheers for each contestant.

So the question that runs through my mind is "can this be empowering?" Because i've seen the event take a lot of criticism from feminists and just the average person on my facebook. To them, it's a sort of dirty thing to do. A sluttish thing to do perhaps. Whatever the fuck that means. The word slut to me literally makes NO sense. It's a relative term thrown around by haters. Nobody has time for that shit! I don't think of anyone as a slut. If anything, i'm a slut. So the people saying booty shake mondays are "dirty" or "slutty" don't count for me.

So is there a problem with booty shaking at the palomino on a monday evening? Why am I even writing this blog in the first place? Well, when I look at the photos I can't help but notice the crowd. Mainly a group of horny dudes who look creepy as hell. Take this one for example :

Why the fuck does everyone look so serious?
Anyways, I'd feel weird in that club. And this is coming from a guy who used to frequent strip clubs when he turned 18. I loved strip clubs. And then a friend of mine started stripping and it got weird. A little too real for me. She had a kid. She stripped for a living. It might have been slightly empowering but I saw it more as one of the pitfalls of capitalism. She earns good money doing it. But she'd rather be doing something else. And it's not so easy to just "do" things. Life has a way of forcing routines and chaining us to certain lifestyles. But yeah i'd feel out of place standing with a bunch of dudes watching girls shake their ass and cheering loudly for the best one.

Guess I left my macho suit at home today. But then again, my definition of a man differs greatly from modern media. If I was in that club (I never go to clubs anymore) I would still be chasing women. But i'd probably save the ass shaking until later. A private show perhaps. (Imagination runs wild)

Could pornography be empowering to anyone taking part? Certainly. But the truth lies in the context for me. I don't get off on girls being slapped around, spit on, or called shitty names. I think fucking weirdos get off on that kind of stuff. BUT consensual BDSM is a whole different story. It all lies in the context.

As for girls booty shaking at the palomino. I'm torn between a girls right to celebrate her body and the creepy dudes lining up for a peek. Seems like the context is lost amongst the loud music and monster energy caps.

But create a booty shake night and they will come shake. I'm just in an odd camp of guys that would rather peek at your mind before celebrating your body.

-devon

Photobomb

Jhene Aiko-Stay Ready (What a Life) ft Kendrick Lamar

Calling Home

"I need to call home. I need to call mom"

It's this statement I make to myself as a result of a feeling. This feeling hits me and I just feel heavy. Sometimes the heavy feeling inspires writing and such. But other times it's a feeling that requires a different solution. And it has always come back to calling home and speaking with my mother.

And i've come to realize that my mother is my rock. And i'm sure people reading this will be like "well duh devon she's your mother"
But more than just my mother she is my rock of unconditional love. And lately I feel like i'm this alien on earth. Like i'm walking around in a completely different existence. And I love this existence. The world of devon. You know? I love it. But I want somebody else to roam this reality with. And fuck yeah i'm lonely. I get lonely and I don't care if that doesn't go well with a GJ joe commercial. I live alone and yeah I get fucking lonely. So sometimes I need to just call home. Sometimes I need to just call my mother who doesn't care about the following things:
She doesn't care if I have a car
She doesn't care if i'm having a bad hair day.
She doesn't care that my apartment is small.
She doesn't care about the money in my bank account.
She doesn't care about much else except to see me happy and healthy.

And that's why I feel this pull. This urge to call home. I don't do it a whole lot. Probably could call more. But I call every couple months. It's a break from this strange reality I'm a part of.

-dev

 

The Desire For Power

The desire for power. Could it ever be a healthy thing?

The question struck my mind in regards to people around me. Especially those with certain titles. "Bosses" in respect to their occupations. Do these people see themselves as "bosses" or do they simply reluctantly apply the title in an effort to perform a job smoothly? Many would say that people enjoy being figures of authority. Some crave it. This has been said about police officers, often in scorn. "Those who were bullies in high school become police officers". However this statement reflects the person saying it more than the actual reality of the statement. People are nervous around police even if they haven't committed a crime. Why so? Well there is so much power in the same room. And it is out of our hands! It wears a uniform and firearm and is the embodiment of the law. We know the consequences of deviance. And those consequences are scary and harsh enough that we may sweat over absolutely nothing.

Some positions in life come with power and that is just how it is. How could a police officer perform the job well without power? No authority? No one would listen and the law would not be enforced. So some positions in life presuppose power and should hold power. This is just how society holds together. We need leaders and we need people in control. But other positions are a little less dependant on authority. Less power-related positions may simply be about "running the ship smoothly". Management roles would fit into this category. A management role is to ensure that whatever task needs to be accomplished is just that-being accomplished. And accomplished well of course. With as little "bumps in the road" as possible.

But i'm getting all tangled up in rhetoric. Let's attack this question "Do people crave power?" And I would say yes they do. But there is an irony in this craving that has been poking at my mind all day.

To crave power is to crave security. It is almost like a barrier against the ego. We want to reach positions of power in life because it's the "safe zone". We dislike being questioned, poked and prodded. Power comes in different forms. Some are healthy forms. To be humble, for example, is in my opinion a position of great power. That is, the control of our own emotions. However, insecurity is a plague for those seeking power.

I want to say that in order for someone to pursue power. They should first pursue humbleness. In fact, I am nothing before I am a writer. I am nothing before I cook. I am nothing before I do anything. I am nothing. Under this attitude I hold no ego. Any ego that may surround me is put on by others. People may like devon reid for various reasons. Friends-for company. Co-workers-for work ethic. Women-for love. etc etc. But that is what I would call "external ego". I do not seek these things. They have come to me through various avenues.

Of course i've struggled for positions of power. Hockey tryouts come to mind. I have sought affirmation of talent. Publishing poetry comes to mind. But over the years i've gained a sort of "love for devon" that is sort of my way of dealing with the inevitable shitfalls in life. Yes, life will throw curve balls. And not everyone is going to like you. Some may downright dislike you. Some may even want to beat the fuck out of you and possibly kill you! It's important to be able to make fun of ourselves.

I know those in positions of authority who don't seem to enjoy when the "jokes on them". Well you are even more of a joke when you can't laugh at yourself. Then we return to the irony of an insecure person seeking power. Nobody will accept your position while you show a degree of insecurity. This is the "wrong kind of power" i'm referring to. So this is the irony. Often those in positions of power are the most insecure in those positions.

There is nothing weaker than someone who cannot take a joke. Or someone who lies and creates a false image.

-dev

Playing A Beat

I play a beat just to see those eyes become alive
Watching the fire dance in dark brown thrillers
Page turners inciting violence in love starved killers
Or weak stomachs cause I can hardly stutter
A h-h-h-hello
Calm down dev stay mellow you know
In the end day you'll be ok
Though the stormy weather and heartbreak
The way you squeezed my hand showing me whats at stake
Like if i let go i'll forget so much of what it is
What is was and could be
Blind wishing to see the truth as if we could manage
It all before the coming fall
Before the coming crowded shopping mall
Complicating my small town
I play a beat just to relax and come down 

-dev

This Wednesday

Eminem Complex Magazine Covers

CunninLynguists-To Be For Real

Some are real as the line in their big face bill
Others are counterfeit living off of Xerox meal
Quickly coming out their mouth like they put out grills
See the traffic in the sky but you take off still
Living the high life or limelight, I just like the light lime
Fabricating your life, I just have to write mine
Be ahead of the game, gotta have the right mind
I just do it while others just want the nike sign
I respect grind, finish line is asinine
Don't roam, quit stop pretending sometime after nine
This is real life, shit gets physical
Pixar gangster niggas I find pitiful
Trying to back the rep you create is just criminal
Stop lying, flatline digital sales minimal
Defibrillators for your career, no one's feeling you
A hundred cc's of truth in your life is critical

 Listen, maybe Sade can tell you how love rock
Play it in the liquor store or in the drug spots
We all want love but tell me what's love got
We'll love you till it changes who you are then love stops
We loved Mike, we loved Elvis, we loved Pac
If that's love nigga, maybe we should all love not
Paparazzi love got us fiending for love shots
Trying to fill a void, just a hole where love rots
Maybe it's a phase, may it be a chapter
Just another story you can think on with laughter
So either leave or come American disaster
Behind all the Maybelline, dry wall and plaster
Under the million dollar rug swept ashes
And billion dollar lives that make debts from assets
The fast escape, run from who they are
I'd run from self but no man can run that far

Emeli Sande-Suitcase

Blurbs From The Phone

These are things i've wrote on my phone in the past little while. The spaces represent different entries on different days. 

Coffee Shop Romance

Between hard pulsing heartbeats he manages a hello. And the rest is history.

I steal glances. And your aware you'll never get them back. We sit beside each other for hours. A tension forms because she wants me and i'm a coward. Don't think i've never laid in bed all fucked up thinking this is it. Don't think i've never twisted up my blankets over "this is it". 

Reading list ( A hilarious endeavour)
Catcher In The Rye
Pride And Prejudice

If I come out of this tunnel i'll be different on the otherside.
If I can speak these words from the heart i'll confide.
Nobody should be alone like this.
Too scared to invite you out for wine.
Trembling at the thought of a kiss.
Feeling like this...
Is life itself
If the wind is my saviour let me spread my arms and breathe deep.

Super high at Stellas right now.
Writing this note so I don't look so high lol

Sweating and wondering if I can get any higher
Ignore the text from the ex calling me a liar
Right now i'm simply concerned with my desire.

In a peaceful place i'm surrounded by dark thoughts.
Can anyone see it on my face?


-dev

Abstract Artform

Young Kidd ft Lotto & Teddy T- So Good

Mamming: The Latest Offensive Breast Cancer Meme?

Black Bike Week

Racist Sororities Of Alabama

I Look At The World

I always look at the world in wonder
How do they maintain?
When everything from her smile to the mountains
Drives me insane

I'd say homie might live on the street
But also live on a beat
And I mean it's a little heat
She aint got a daddy but her daddy ride a caddy down my street
Pushing keys she just wants to delete

Four lines closer to salvation
I'm a ruler of this nation
Calling god to the startin line
So I can race em
And I wonder if my footsteps ring inside his head

I wonder if he heard the things I said
On my last prayer
Hands clasped
Clouds seperated
I swear he gasped

Truth hurts no matter the elevation
Proving nobody's above pain
But in the story the lesson resides
That we all should live today like our last

Angels are pulled quick from this world
Leaving us to wonder why the good die young
And the wicked paint signs
Leading us down the wrong path


Also, check out this great blog post. https://suzeeinthecity.wordpress.com/2013/10/16/belal-ali-saber-graffiti-by-ammar-abo-bakr-and-el-zeft/

Cats Stealing Dogs Beds

Well this is super fucking cute.

Cats Stealing Dog Beds

Nerves And Girls Audio Blog

Play Music - Upload Audio - Nerves And Girls

A Poem of Life

I miss summer like that sun dress
Hitting the floor
Bunched up around your sand covered toes
Both of us naked in the water
You fall out of sight and I call for you
I don't want to lose you to these waves

So I don't look away
I never look away
As we sit around the fire
And you sip straight from the bottle
Those hips begin to sway
I'm breathless
With absolutely nothing to say

Because beauty comes and goes in my life
I hold to these moments tight
They tend to slip away
As time wraps his cruel fingers around us
And pulls us apart

There will come a time
When the water and fire are forgotten
And coldness has set in
All I remember now is your coat
Thrown furiously over the shoulders
And fading footsteps on hardwood floor

A Wine Advertisement

A simple sip
Brings flashes of glasses
Clinking
Falsetto smiles
Illusions dimly lit
Over a plate of gestures
Dig in
You should the..
You should try me

Hands underneath the table
A sentimental watch
Clasp
Unclasp
Does she like me?

Legs hugged by a favourite skirt
Heels that hangout in a far away place
Cross
Uncross
Does he like me?

He's out for a cigarette
She's staring in the bathroom mirror
He's thinking maybe she's the one
She's wondering if she's ready

Would you like another?
Perhaps?
Another glass?
Another chance at romance?

Friends, Don't Leave Me

friends don't leave me like these words
as they hit me and slowly back away
as I chase the bus with tears in my eyes
as I struggle in the strong wind
just trying to get home
we're all just trying to get home

friends don't leave me like these breaths
as they slip past my lips
as I cling to the day
as we huddle around the fire
just trying to get home
we're all just trying to get home

friends don't leave me like she did
as I sat in silence
as I gathered all her things
as I took a walk with no direction in mind
just trying to get home
we're all just trying to get home

friends don't leave me like the tears
as they slide down my face
as they drop onto the page
as the ink runs and I run
just trying to get home
we're all just trying to get home

Wherever I go my friends always in sight.
I sit with a bottle and lost friends tonight.
I reflect on bridges burned wishing I could cross back.
I have all the love in the world for those who've got my back.
I know i'm not always so easy to deal with
But friends don't leave me, I need you.

Heard something the other day.
When you lose someone in life.
A part of you goes away.
And resides in the sky like a sun ray.
So friends just let me be that light.
As we all fight.
We all fucking fight.
To get home tonight.

-dr

Control

Walking down osborne today I concluded two things. Good conversation still exists. And there's no free pizza in heaven.

I get in these funky moods from time to time. Where I know i'm going to write. And probably write a lot. But it's a heavy feeling. It's like I may shed tears tonight. Or I may laugh histerically.

But above all I'll lack control. And that's one thing that's been on my mind today. The lack of control we have over our lives. Sure we would LOVE to think we can just pull the right strings to make the right things work. And plenty self-help books will preach the power people can have over their lives. But I've realized how little control I have. Especially lately when i've been trying to change.

As I get older i've realized little things about myself. Little psychological hangups that are a result of my childhood. It's not a blame game so much as its "well, that's why i'm like this". I used to have this issue with my body positioning. I would literally exude lack of self confidence. This was mainly by looking at the ground a lot when I went from place to place. My dad would always say "look up devon, be confident". Not really realizing his own part to play in that complex. He never really realized much. He may realize now. Too little too late? It's not for only me to decide. That's for other people in my family to decide. And also for him. Too little too late doesn't exist if you keep going. If you keep striving to fix things with people you will succeed. People see that. Especially if it is your parent making that effort.

Control. This thing well all aspire for. But yet, we lack it in so many ways. Control is why i'm a little hesitant to pursue women lately. I don't want that feeling of another world crashing into mine. It's like I have my environment. Things may get cloudy in my world but I have a pretty good handle on it. Another world? That's a whole different field trip. And we all know this..It doesn't need to be said anymore then it has. It can be SCARY to meet someone and try to date. Or at least go somewhere beyond simple "how ya doing?" and so on and so forth.

But here I am moody and alone. And it's been awhile since i've been laid (well hey, its true). As much as my mind keeps reminding me i've got school and i've got other shit going on. I'm getting horny and well it's beyond my control now. Sooner or later i'll turn into a wild animal. I'll enjoy it. And then my primal urges will clash with my mind. It'll be one of those unique things about being human. We want to be something we aren't. We're horny creatures and we are victims to this thirst.

As i'm getting ready to leave for school today a thought crossed my mind. "I'm a simple dude"
Yup.
All I need is a glass of wine with some dessert and john hughes movies? Damn. I had that thought out better last night.
But I am re-watching Uncle Buck for the thousandth time. Hughes is people watching at its finest.

Machines In the Sky

Death once published in a far-away paper
Now knocks on the front door
Child you'll have to stay inside today
The countries are at war
But daddy I want to fly!
To fly!
Like the machines in the sky!
And away from fathers arms he prys
Waving his arms he runs through the fields
Across the world it is rather late
A cup of coffee and a raised finger
Ready to seal a childs fate
And in a far-away room
In control of many lives
An unheard boom
A child dies playing with machines in the skies

Fountain of Youth

When I see an old couple
With tired faces and
Long underwear on cold nights
I know the end is near

I am in two places
Not wanting to die
But wishing the day away
To count stars in the sky

And one might shoot
Across my mind, I'll think
A thousand pennies thrown
Into the fountain of youth

A diamond covered hand turns the pages
With those obscure statements
The scriptures that feed the rages
Of those with hate in the heart

Rather than wait around I walk along the riverside
With no direction in mind
I peel the branches away and step into the darkness
That is the rest of my life

Another Nice Guy Post?

Am I becoming more cut throat as I age?

Or perhaps the reality of life is dawning on me. Slowly filtering its way through the teenage blinds.

The early 20s are a time of realization.

And being a nice guy just don't seem to cut it anymore. People want more. They want drive, ambition, blood, sweat and tears.

You become defined by the work you do. The car you drive. The grades you earn.

I feel like I should comment on the "nice guys finish last" notion. It's more truth than ever. If you're going to try and coast through life off just being a "nice guy". Then you will find yourself finishing last. And this is not only true for relationships but pretty much every factor of life.

I've written a fair bit on this blog about the harsh realization i've had to face. That my nice guy characteristics have found me very little success in life. And it is when I become harsh, cold and calculated that I seem to reap the rewards.

Of course i'd rather people just appreciate me for who I am. But hey, there's nothing I can do about society really. I live in it. I'll have to play by the rules.

Miley Cyrus has been in the news a fair bit lately. Try and ignore the irony of me speaking about how annoying speaking about miley cyrus is..if that made any sense. But wow are people really fixated on this girl and her behaviour. What fascinates me is how miley cyrus isn't really "real" for a lot of people. Not real in the sense that they know family members or friends. But I see people getting so worked up over her. They write long passionate paragraphs. I've seen heated arguments over this! Not too mention the cliche open letters fellow celebrities send. It's all nauseating. I wish people would devote their time to shit that'll actually matter in a month or two.

I'm Not Buying It

I can't stand when people romanticize shitty relationships.
Or at least i'm not buying it.

Why do we do this? Why do we accept that we must be sort-of miserable in order to be "in love"?

It's this whole movie notebook esque bullshit we get fed. And I mean this issue is just one little grain of sand in that shit-pile.

I guess i'm off to the loony bin with my crazy ideals. I'd like someone to be happy with. And sure, ocassional arguments do come about. But no, my relationship will not be one of pain, trials and tribulations.

And another thing. The ideal male image is so skewered right now. Girls want the hero and villian at the same time. He's got to be an asshole with a heart of gold..its ridiculous. And men are also just as obtuse with the ideal of finding a girl void of personality. We're all fuck ups in some way or another! I'm willing to bet the president takes a shit and an hour later wishes he wiped a little more down there. And i'm sure katy perry lets one rip and rushes to the washroom a minute too late.

This is all gross and unecessary I know. But some of the most atrractive people I know peel their toenails off and eat them. Or have a back-hair problem.

So the answer is cliche and written all over city walls. Look into the heart for answers. 

I feel dirty saying that. Look at me with my cornball advice column over here. Dial Devon for all your cookie cutter answers to life.

Speaking of dirty. I'm glad most people I run into are freaks such as myself.

There's this moment of relief that goes something like this : "Oh, they are freaky to!" Followed by instant relaxation on my part.

All of this made worse by my anthropology grouping. Turns out we all got our first topic choice which is "Altered States"
We spent the first hour of group work discussing past experiences with pyschedelics.

Lot's of possible stories to go into here. But I'll be on my way.

-dr

Chinese Dinner

Nothing is more lonely than my egg rolls
As I fumble with my chopsticks and life
I order dinner for two
Saluting my shadow
An empty space that tells me to dig in.

I crack my fortune cookie looking for all the answers
It reads, "Not now, not ever"
I wash that damn dry thing down with sake
Cheers to being full and empty at the same time

Poetry In September

A Sun Shower In Hawaii
Cools hot skin and glistens curves.
Leaving me thirsty for more


I want to get lost in mystery
The beating of my heart
My sweaty palms
She is my case to crack

Let us go then, you and I
Into a strange place
And in haste we must embrace
Before the world catches up to us.

There is pain
in this world
in the mirror she looks into
in the makeup that hides her eyes
the tired hands once smooth and young
reluctantly open a can of beans
every morning
the child shrieks with an empty belly
stretching and reaching for the dropped soother
the beans boil and burn
every morning
she steps out onto portage and main
answering the question of "how much?"
ducking into the dark sedan
the child
presses against the window
every morning

it is kiwi mango
underneath a hot bed of bubbles
an arm dangling over the cold porcelein
strawberry merlot on my lips

I am transfixed
By a sweet flower
In her gaze a heavenly power
I give a whistle
And over her shoulder she throws a bristle
I resign and cower
Rooted to the ground
By a sweet flower
In her gaze a heavenly power
She is julia

The room was murky with smoke
Dark with thoughts
Love left unfufilled shrivels and rots
Alongside her troup she trots
Hair cascading
I feel my confidence fading
I sit drink and think
She sways on the dancefloor
All eyes on her yearning for more
She is julia

The Philosophy Of Infidelity

As per usual I would like to apologize for my absence. School has begun and I've been nervously pouring through my readings. It's a "keep my head above water" feeling. And I take comfort in this feeling in the same way a swimmer does after a good workout. Routine has brought a certain sense of calm to my life. And also being thoroughly involved in humanities courses is an asset as well.

The air has cooled down considerably. I've stopped placing my fan directly in front of my at night. And I've actually (gasp) closed the window in my living room/bedroom. I love the fall season. I enjoy wearing hoodies and jeans over t-shirt and shorts. I'm not really a beach kind of guy. I'm pale and European and belong in a castle somewhere in Wales. 

So let's get into these thoughts that are swirling around my head before I dive into another sociology chapter.

The first thing that has been bothering me is the actions of a close friend of mine. Long story short, he's been involved in a long term relationship with a healthy (emotionally) girl. She is attached or "in love" with him and is what one could say "a good thing" for him. As opposed to his rather toxic relationship to his past girlfriend. A rather emotionally unstable and cruel girl. But i'll get into that later.

I'm a little conflicted folks. You see, my friend and his partner have been experiencing some rocky patches lately. A rocky path that climaxed ( no pun intended) in my friend casually seeing another woman. The issue is that he was still a very much taken man. He had not ended things with his girlfriend before pursuing and achieving his advances towards this "other girl". I apologize if my lack of names/structure makes reading this awkward. But i've been adamant about keeping this blog nameless.

Let's not dress it up and take it out to dinner. He cheated. It's an ugly word for an ugly action. And this is where i'm conflicted. As a very good friend to my friend i find it hard to maintain a position of "I support you". Because I don't feel that a supportive position is healthy for anyone in this situation. I enjoy them as a couple. However not at the sake of one of them being misled or abused.

While the relationship may have been going through a rocky patch. It doesn't excuse my friends behaviour. It goes against my morals. And it also confuses the fuck out of me. It reminds me of T.I;s song "Why you gonna go and do that? "love huh?". Can a relationship where a partner cheats be defined as a "loving relationship?" And if the answer to that question is "no"..then why fight to remain in that relationship?

My friend sat with me at dinner and explained the situation with me,. Choosing to exclude certain details of course..but this is the human condition. I can't blame someone for doing something I would do. I frankly can't stand hypocrisy. It's the ultimate form of ignorance. however I don't think I would ever find myself cheating on someone. To me this is a sign of immaturity. No matter the age, people cheat because they do not want to face a certain reality. Things are ending with your partner and you've begun to embrace the idea of being with someone else. However, let's be adults here. A certain sign of maturity and courage is the ability to end things with your partner before choosing to be physical ( or even emotional) with someone else. This may be a "difficult" thing to do. But if you cheat on your partner and then hide that from them. Perhaps under the justification of "I don't want to lose them"..well...whose "best interest" are you really thinking of? Seems to me that your simply looking after your own ass.

Harsh, but true. And the interesting thing to note is my friends partner. Who seems to be reduced to a backdrop. A sort of safety net that will be there when things go wrong with the new girl. Another harsh but true reality is the following question. "What if things had worked out with the new girl?". What if she turned out to be amazing? In this situation she turned out to be rather flaky ( more a statement of her age) and half-interested in my friend. But perhaps she had been amazing?

The argument against me would be something like this. "Devon, he realized how special she was in this other girl" In other words "by experiencing this other female he was able to deduce that losing the original girl wasn't worth it". Therefore my critics would say " this is the power of love" "That although a girl did come into the picture she was not able to tear these two lovers apart". A valid point. And I'm still a believer in love being powerful. So the love defeats the infidelity..or so it seems.

I know you can detect a certain amount of skepticism in my voice. I just feel that my friends partner got screwed over. And I also find it a little annoying to hear him moan and whine about his current situation. He made is bed and now should lie in it and think.."how did this all come about?". At the very least LEARN from it. It's like the lesson from all this is lost by all this notebook true romance bullshit. Love isn't "let's treat each other like shit and count the years until we die" Or at least it's not my perspective of it.

I don't mean to ramble on here. But things end for a reason. And it doesn't mean that the relationship becomes less of what it was because of it. Relationships begin and end. They have a natural life cycle. When i think about all of my past relationships. I have no negative feelings. I don't "hate anyone" that I used to date. People drift apart..it doesn't take away from what I experienced with them. A romantic dinner is still a romantic dinner and still a pleasant memory for me. However we are all human and are victim to emotions that can be uncontrollable.

Enough of all this. I'm just an observer and the reality is I can't put myself in anyone's shoes. But I don't support my friend cheating. I also wouldn't recommend to his partner to remain with him. These are stances I'm not swaying from. I don't wish ill on my friend. But I'm a friend..not a sidekick who will nod at everything he does and ignore. But two people who want to be together will be together..and maybe that's all that love needs.

d.r

Emele Sande- My Kind Of Love

I love this girl.

Girl Don't Think-Rough

I know you've been hurt.
The way you pushed me away before sex.
Both of us butt naked.
Your face asking me if i'm here to stay.
Russian roulette with both our hearts.
Click and a bang nowadays just wishing we could hang.
Just as friends not passing you on the street as loose ends.

So girl don't think.
Don't you ever ever think i've never felt it.
The sting of a young love lost.
Embraces forgotten like the early morning frost.
Hand over the flame
If you get too close we'll both burn.
Safety in isolation.
I'm facing a difficult conclusion.
Those dark eyes endless...
Twists and turns.
Always a page turner.
End always in sight.
But I just can't put you away.

Not the first time i've related a girl to a book.
Each caress.
Each mess.
Staining pages and feeding rages.
End in sight I sigh and reluctantly participate in the fight.
Cause I know those fists you throw my way have lots behind them.
No taking the pain away from your makeup stained face.
Police breaking the door down.
Turns out I was just alone with a bottle.
Took them over three hours to get me out.
Because sometimes...
Well sometimes i'm just done with all this.

So girl don't think i've never felt it.
My cold eyes formed over many long winters.
Friends would come over with oil and a couple knives.
And we would crush the solution between our fingers.
Creating imagination over my stove.
Breath real deep.
Take that hit and lay back.
Letting the smoke escape my lips.
It rises and snakes across the ceiling.
The high taunts me with all the words.
But the unability to string them together.

I said the high taunts me with all the words.
And they spill across the floor in a million marbles.
Slipping and stumbling.
Mumbling and stuttering.
Just can't connect with those around me.
Poetry from the heart
But the crowd prefers tits and bullshit.
Maybe they want to escape

Dev Talks #3

Embed Music - Download Audio - Last Time At The Dale

Quick Actions With Little Thought

We've all been there. Harsh words and actions we regret later.

I've certainly been one to "shoot first ask questions later"

Call me a victim of my heart.

And I'm wondering if this will be a common theme throughout my life. I see plenty adults victimized by their own emotions. "Adult" figures turn into children as they scream and rage with little thought. Afterwards, i'm positive they look back on their past actions and wonder " what the fuck was I thinking?"

I'm learning..slowly..but learning that burning bridges is not in my best interest. In my fierce pursuit to become a better person I must not lose my empathy. Oh the humanity! That blurred line between kindness and weakness.

Choose your battles wisely my friends. But we will most certainly perform regrettable actions in the near future. 

Not exactly sure why I chose to even write this. I'm sure a lot of you are like duhh..this guy thinks he's teaching us something?

I suppose the reason I approached this subject is because i've definitely acted in haste. Specifically while drunk and passionate. And later on i've sort of been like.."that wasn't necessary". I find myself walking around hoping I don't run into person a or person b. Simply because i've burned a bridge.

BUTTTTT we're supposed to fight battles in life. We must maintain a certain amount of self-respect. And I feel like a total broken record here. So if you have some enemies or some cold encounters in life it could simply be a result of you maintaining your morals and standing your ground.

But i've definitely fought the wrong battles alongside with the right battles.

Such is life I guess

-dr

Words Of Life-Super Rough

Staying quiet when I should really shout.
Staying quiet when I should really doubt.
My life.
A climax of meaning and empty words.
Those who are real.
And those who are fake.
I'm no different in these flat lands.
A girl broke my heart in the mountains.
Another ran away in the prairies.
So from coast to coast i'm watching my own back.

I clutch my notebook close.
Only trusting my own words.
Girl you proved that wounds hurt over time.
Now I take cruel words with a grain of salt.
It burns but at least i'm involved with reality.
Pain is a necessary encounter.
But should only result in a firm handshake.
A pat on the back cause we're all fucking moving on.
And despite the depressed desire to slow it all down..

The world keeps spinning.
And so I put the pain away and watch my friends spin.
Circles of fire.
I'm a happy victim of my own desire.
To some a saint.
To others a liar.
I give a shit less and less.
Becoming a bit colder and older I must say.
I must confess

Getting used to the empty space.
That could be filled by a thrill.
A fat joint and a fine ass.
I hold on to highs wishing they could last.
All must fly and fall.
The inevitable process of life.

Hush Young Poet-Final

Hush Young Poet.

At times I shed tears for no reason
guilty I wipe away the tears
as if i'm comitting treason
they say shush now young poet
cause heartbreaks out of season.

I'm all over the place
thoughts swirling
thinking of my final casket
and the long blonde hair of the flower girl
as she tosses lilacs from a woven basket
the intricate design twisting and turning
i'm waiting for the love of my life with my stomach churning.

I'm running with my children
pushing them away just hoping they turn that bike around
pushing them away just hoping they turn that life around
i'm holding a small child in my arms
and one day i'll be gone
with only my notebooks to paint a path
you can do it my baby
flourish in my aftermath.

I'm holding my mother as she takes the last breaths of life
i'm fucking punching the wall as the pain cuts me like a knife
i'm driving at high speeds in the rain
swerving down the windy hillside
I come to the place where it all began
with trembling hands I pull out my pen
and the clouds moan with wind
saying hush now young poet
heartbreaks out of season.

Should I expect you to follow my words when they go to dark places?
Should I expect you to find warmth in strange faces?
The world they walk in strange paces
I just want to grow my wings and fly

And if I do something out of character am I able to say I was just drunk?
Or perhaps I was just out of my mind
Out of my kind
On that fateful day
When you decided to finally take seriously the silly things I say
Or maybe you were just waiting for me to fuck up.
With one foot out the door you always wanted more
And i'm struggling between writing about your beauty and calling you a whore.
Those aren't nice words i know.
A million women have struggled, I know.
But god damnit i'm struggling over here to, ya know?
And harsh words leave my lips when I talk fast and think slow.
Just a man acting like a young boy
Should I expect you to follow my words when they go to dark places?
Should I expect you to find warmth in strange faces?
The rest of the world, they walk in strange paces
I just want to grow my wings and fly...

They say hush young poet.
Heartbreaks out of season.
But you will write and will always write.
Just try my young poet, not to force words out of spite.
It's your job to speak to the masses.
Let them know everything will be alright.
It's time to leave this place.
It's time to lay down that pen and succumb to the night.

Lines on her face
Her eyes hold the beauty
A lot of stress
My huge mess
I don't why but she still cradles me.
My guardian angel.

Mama don't leave me.
Don't look away.
I've taken you to hell and back.
With not much to say.


I'm up all hours of the night.
And the voices they say...
Hush young poet.
Heartbreak's out of season.

The Beginning Of Another School Year

First off I'd like to thank all the readers. I know I haven't posted much in the past two weeks. I realize the blog game is a tough one. Most of you want daily entries that are insightful/interesting. I just can't deliver that. I'm either too busy or i'm just not in the mood. My schedule has calmed down a bit. But it will get more chaotic in october. We'll see how the blog goes around that time. I'm for sure keeping up with my audio blog series which will be posted on this site. I'm purchasing a microphone to increase the sound quality. It was brought to my attention that the sound quality is basically shit. So i'm going to invest a few dollars in making it sound better. I enjoy doing those audio recordings.

Over 5'000 views now and growing. 5k was a benchmark for me. 10k will be my next. And so on and so forth. I have a work desk now. It's my little baby. Just have to get a better chair than this old creaky piece of shit. But it's nice to have a place to write papers and blogs.

Got my candles lit. The fall air is so fucking refreshing. It's nice to justify lighting candles.

I'm the happiest i've been in awhile. Not sure what it is but september feels like a new year. I think it's the combination of school starting and less work. Less work and more brain food.

But let's get into what made this blog so popular to begin with. Talking about random shit.

The push to succeed is a phenomenon that all young adults feel. There's this attitude that people have when you're at this age. What are you doing? Where are you going? Some are genuinely concerned you'll never leave the house (parents/guardians). Others, however, don't even know you and will ask where you're headed. It's the current of life. A fast flowing river that can leave you behind. At least that's what the capitlistic philosophy will have you think. The scary thing is we're all so embedded in capitalism that our morals and philosophies are shaped by it. I remember a conversation I had with my sister a few years back. She said she wouldn't be intrested in getting to know someone who didn't have "their life together" or lacked a "general direction". Hmm, based on what terms? The statement bothered me back then and bothers me to this day. What is "success" and how to we define it? The great MC Immortal Technique once said "Success is psychological". I tend to agree. It's dangerous to set prerequisites to happiness. If someone doesn't have x amount in their bank account they are not allowed to be happy? Capitalism feeds off the uncomfortable. I need this. I need that. I need to succeed. And my success shall be defined by the money and what I spend that money on. It seems materialistic and petty because it is.  But even as a "successful" person you will face pressures from society. Don't have a partner at 35? People will question you. Why don't you have a baby by now? Where's the wife? If you live outside the societal expectations you will feel pressure. Don't have a drivers license? Why not? Go get that. I get that one a lot. Even with my apartment. Oh you live in a bachelor? I couldn't do that..no I'd need a one bedroom at least. It's all around me. Of course the uncomfortable feeling can be a postive one. But let that be you're own passions and inspirations. Don't allow people to define your life. I know it's cliche to say. But fuck it, follow that heart when it comes to life. You only get one run at this. Don't allow yourself to feel pressured as a young adult. But keep things in perspective. Even the richest man in the world has something to complain about.

 -dr

Dev Talks #2

2nd edition of my audio blog series called "Dev Talks"

Listen & Enjoy!

Play Music - Share Audio - Dev Talks #2

Dev Talks

New series i'm starting called "Dev Talks"

Download Music - Audio Hosting - devtalks

New Shirt Alert

Dead Dogs And Lying

A friend of mine lost his dog the other day. Just an unfortunate accident. Dog chases rabbit onto street..you can fill in the rest.

It had me thinking of Jasper. Jasper was some kind of german shepard mix..a mutt for lack of a better term. We found out quickly that he had some issues. This became quite clear one winter morning when we were all getting ready to leave for school. Jasper was acting strange. He was foaming at the mouth and running into walls. We learned later that he was epileptic. And apparently from the research I did recently you can get medication to control the seizures.

A sad state of affairs...one day we made a gruesome discovery upon returning home. Jasper had died while we were gone. We could hardly even open the front door because his large corpse was blocking the way. He had completely emptied his bladder before his death. So you can imagine the smell and sight being quite traumatizing. I never did though, my dad had me go away for awhile. He lugged jasper into the car and sped off to the vet. But the poor guy was already long gone. It's strange how memories resurface and have a different effect. It shows i've changed over the years. I'm now wondering if I would be a different person had I laid eyes on the dead dog.

Jeeez,  4 am has a way of creeping up on you. I've been trying to take advantage of my insomnia by creating through writing. But these thoughts seem dark.

It was good to see my friend. We've been friends since pre-school and life has a way of pulling people apart. But we've maintained a good connection throughout the years. Lately we seem to book dates just to sit down with a couple beers and catch up on things. He's going through some stuff and I wish him the best. But I can see some difficult times ahead of him if he does not own up to some stuff. He just needs to stop lying.

Lying is always that quick solution to a problem. It's a small patch-job that will eventually break and create a must worse situation. You can insert your corny metaphorical description of lying here. I used to lie as a child. Enough so that it became a problem and my trust-worthiness was always questioned by my father. This extends in small ways even to this day. Although I feel i've made strides with my father. Nowadays if I tell a lie it's very minor ( white lie). But every so often a "big" lie does get told on my part. I can think of a couple off the top of my head. However, those lies didn't hurt anyone-only me. I simply carry the guilt of the lie.

Yup, pretty happy to say i'm pretty lie free. Buut you know, there's always those little lies we've told that somehow still exist to this day.

Deceit seems to be a slightly different thing than lying in that it doesn't require an actual lie. Such as when you convey a false feeling through action. Or omitting certain information. And of course there's different levels of lying and deceit. Some people lie to protect their ass in an awkward situation. Others lie to hurt.

I am curious as to how my readers feel about lying. Because I strive to be as honest as possible.

All this humble honest mumbo jumbo seems a little ineffective in a cut-throat world. Where deceit is a widely used tool as people clamour to attain their "dreams".

Fight the good fight family..

d.r

Bus Convos

Homeless Man- "What's the day today? Thursday?

Me- "Sure is"

Homeless Man- "You have hair on your hands"

Me-"Whaa?"

Homeless Man- "You have hair on the sides on your hand"

Me-"Oh..yeah, i'm just a hairy guy in general"

Homeless Man-"I'm a hairy man noon and nighty night"

Me-"Uhmm?"

Homeless Man- "You'll understand when you're a bit older"

We both got off at polo park.

"Night"
"Night"

And I did find out what the man was talking about later.

Hip Hop Playlist #5

I just finished off my 5th Hip Hop playlist.

Enjoy.

I'll post the previous playlists later.

Work Convo's

I caught a glimpse of a girl on my co-workers screen while he used his phone today.

The conversation went like this"

"I see you got yourself a shorty?"

"Hah, well kind of my shorty"

"Dude if she's your background on your phone then she's your shorty"

"She likes to fuck with my head"

"How so?"

"Well she doesn't want to be with me...but she wants me around"

"Been there bro"

Hush Young Poet-Rough

at times I shed tears for no reason
guilty I wipe away the tears
as if i'm comitting treason
they say shush now young poet
cause heartbreaks out of season

i'm all over the place
thinking of my final casket
and the long blonde hair of the flower girl
as she tosses lilacs from a woven basket
the intricate design twisting and turning
i'm waiting for the love of my life with my stomach churning

i'm running with my children
pushing them away just hoping they turn that bike around
pushing them away just hoping they turn that life around
i'm holding a small child in my arms
and one day i'll be gone
with only my notebooks to paint a path
you can do it my child
flourish in my aftermath

i'm holding my mother as she takes the last breaths of life
i'm fucking punching the wall as the pain cuts me like a knife
i'm driving at high speeds in the rain
swerving down the windy hillside
I come to the place where it all began
with trembling hands I pull out my pen
and the clouds moan with wind
saying hush now young poet
heartbreaks out of season

shushh young poet
don't be scared to die
just close your eyes and fly
your child is calling
daddy
daddy
your child is calling

Photobomb