Poetry In September

A Sun Shower In Hawaii
Cools hot skin and glistens curves.
Leaving me thirsty for more


I want to get lost in mystery
The beating of my heart
My sweaty palms
She is my case to crack

Let us go then, you and I
Into a strange place
And in haste we must embrace
Before the world catches up to us.

There is pain
in this world
in the mirror she looks into
in the makeup that hides her eyes
the tired hands once smooth and young
reluctantly open a can of beans
every morning
the child shrieks with an empty belly
stretching and reaching for the dropped soother
the beans boil and burn
every morning
she steps out onto portage and main
answering the question of "how much?"
ducking into the dark sedan
the child
presses against the window
every morning

it is kiwi mango
underneath a hot bed of bubbles
an arm dangling over the cold porcelein
strawberry merlot on my lips

I am transfixed
By a sweet flower
In her gaze a heavenly power
I give a whistle
And over her shoulder she throws a bristle
I resign and cower
Rooted to the ground
By a sweet flower
In her gaze a heavenly power
She is julia

The room was murky with smoke
Dark with thoughts
Love left unfufilled shrivels and rots
Alongside her troup she trots
Hair cascading
I feel my confidence fading
I sit drink and think
She sways on the dancefloor
All eyes on her yearning for more
She is julia

The Philosophy Of Infidelity

As per usual I would like to apologize for my absence. School has begun and I've been nervously pouring through my readings. It's a "keep my head above water" feeling. And I take comfort in this feeling in the same way a swimmer does after a good workout. Routine has brought a certain sense of calm to my life. And also being thoroughly involved in humanities courses is an asset as well.

The air has cooled down considerably. I've stopped placing my fan directly in front of my at night. And I've actually (gasp) closed the window in my living room/bedroom. I love the fall season. I enjoy wearing hoodies and jeans over t-shirt and shorts. I'm not really a beach kind of guy. I'm pale and European and belong in a castle somewhere in Wales. 

So let's get into these thoughts that are swirling around my head before I dive into another sociology chapter.

The first thing that has been bothering me is the actions of a close friend of mine. Long story short, he's been involved in a long term relationship with a healthy (emotionally) girl. She is attached or "in love" with him and is what one could say "a good thing" for him. As opposed to his rather toxic relationship to his past girlfriend. A rather emotionally unstable and cruel girl. But i'll get into that later.

I'm a little conflicted folks. You see, my friend and his partner have been experiencing some rocky patches lately. A rocky path that climaxed ( no pun intended) in my friend casually seeing another woman. The issue is that he was still a very much taken man. He had not ended things with his girlfriend before pursuing and achieving his advances towards this "other girl". I apologize if my lack of names/structure makes reading this awkward. But i've been adamant about keeping this blog nameless.

Let's not dress it up and take it out to dinner. He cheated. It's an ugly word for an ugly action. And this is where i'm conflicted. As a very good friend to my friend i find it hard to maintain a position of "I support you". Because I don't feel that a supportive position is healthy for anyone in this situation. I enjoy them as a couple. However not at the sake of one of them being misled or abused.

While the relationship may have been going through a rocky patch. It doesn't excuse my friends behaviour. It goes against my morals. And it also confuses the fuck out of me. It reminds me of T.I;s song "Why you gonna go and do that? "love huh?". Can a relationship where a partner cheats be defined as a "loving relationship?" And if the answer to that question is "no"..then why fight to remain in that relationship?

My friend sat with me at dinner and explained the situation with me,. Choosing to exclude certain details of course..but this is the human condition. I can't blame someone for doing something I would do. I frankly can't stand hypocrisy. It's the ultimate form of ignorance. however I don't think I would ever find myself cheating on someone. To me this is a sign of immaturity. No matter the age, people cheat because they do not want to face a certain reality. Things are ending with your partner and you've begun to embrace the idea of being with someone else. However, let's be adults here. A certain sign of maturity and courage is the ability to end things with your partner before choosing to be physical ( or even emotional) with someone else. This may be a "difficult" thing to do. But if you cheat on your partner and then hide that from them. Perhaps under the justification of "I don't want to lose them"..well...whose "best interest" are you really thinking of? Seems to me that your simply looking after your own ass.

Harsh, but true. And the interesting thing to note is my friends partner. Who seems to be reduced to a backdrop. A sort of safety net that will be there when things go wrong with the new girl. Another harsh but true reality is the following question. "What if things had worked out with the new girl?". What if she turned out to be amazing? In this situation she turned out to be rather flaky ( more a statement of her age) and half-interested in my friend. But perhaps she had been amazing?

The argument against me would be something like this. "Devon, he realized how special she was in this other girl" In other words "by experiencing this other female he was able to deduce that losing the original girl wasn't worth it". Therefore my critics would say " this is the power of love" "That although a girl did come into the picture she was not able to tear these two lovers apart". A valid point. And I'm still a believer in love being powerful. So the love defeats the infidelity..or so it seems.

I know you can detect a certain amount of skepticism in my voice. I just feel that my friends partner got screwed over. And I also find it a little annoying to hear him moan and whine about his current situation. He made is bed and now should lie in it and think.."how did this all come about?". At the very least LEARN from it. It's like the lesson from all this is lost by all this notebook true romance bullshit. Love isn't "let's treat each other like shit and count the years until we die" Or at least it's not my perspective of it.

I don't mean to ramble on here. But things end for a reason. And it doesn't mean that the relationship becomes less of what it was because of it. Relationships begin and end. They have a natural life cycle. When i think about all of my past relationships. I have no negative feelings. I don't "hate anyone" that I used to date. People drift apart..it doesn't take away from what I experienced with them. A romantic dinner is still a romantic dinner and still a pleasant memory for me. However we are all human and are victim to emotions that can be uncontrollable.

Enough of all this. I'm just an observer and the reality is I can't put myself in anyone's shoes. But I don't support my friend cheating. I also wouldn't recommend to his partner to remain with him. These are stances I'm not swaying from. I don't wish ill on my friend. But I'm a friend..not a sidekick who will nod at everything he does and ignore. But two people who want to be together will be together..and maybe that's all that love needs.

d.r

Emele Sande- My Kind Of Love

I love this girl.

Girl Don't Think-Rough

I know you've been hurt.
The way you pushed me away before sex.
Both of us butt naked.
Your face asking me if i'm here to stay.
Russian roulette with both our hearts.
Click and a bang nowadays just wishing we could hang.
Just as friends not passing you on the street as loose ends.

So girl don't think.
Don't you ever ever think i've never felt it.
The sting of a young love lost.
Embraces forgotten like the early morning frost.
Hand over the flame
If you get too close we'll both burn.
Safety in isolation.
I'm facing a difficult conclusion.
Those dark eyes endless...
Twists and turns.
Always a page turner.
End always in sight.
But I just can't put you away.

Not the first time i've related a girl to a book.
Each caress.
Each mess.
Staining pages and feeding rages.
End in sight I sigh and reluctantly participate in the fight.
Cause I know those fists you throw my way have lots behind them.
No taking the pain away from your makeup stained face.
Police breaking the door down.
Turns out I was just alone with a bottle.
Took them over three hours to get me out.
Because sometimes...
Well sometimes i'm just done with all this.

So girl don't think i've never felt it.
My cold eyes formed over many long winters.
Friends would come over with oil and a couple knives.
And we would crush the solution between our fingers.
Creating imagination over my stove.
Breath real deep.
Take that hit and lay back.
Letting the smoke escape my lips.
It rises and snakes across the ceiling.
The high taunts me with all the words.
But the unability to string them together.

I said the high taunts me with all the words.
And they spill across the floor in a million marbles.
Slipping and stumbling.
Mumbling and stuttering.
Just can't connect with those around me.
Poetry from the heart
But the crowd prefers tits and bullshit.
Maybe they want to escape

Dev Talks #3

Embed Music - Download Audio - Last Time At The Dale

Quick Actions With Little Thought

We've all been there. Harsh words and actions we regret later.

I've certainly been one to "shoot first ask questions later"

Call me a victim of my heart.

And I'm wondering if this will be a common theme throughout my life. I see plenty adults victimized by their own emotions. "Adult" figures turn into children as they scream and rage with little thought. Afterwards, i'm positive they look back on their past actions and wonder " what the fuck was I thinking?"

I'm learning..slowly..but learning that burning bridges is not in my best interest. In my fierce pursuit to become a better person I must not lose my empathy. Oh the humanity! That blurred line between kindness and weakness.

Choose your battles wisely my friends. But we will most certainly perform regrettable actions in the near future. 

Not exactly sure why I chose to even write this. I'm sure a lot of you are like duhh..this guy thinks he's teaching us something?

I suppose the reason I approached this subject is because i've definitely acted in haste. Specifically while drunk and passionate. And later on i've sort of been like.."that wasn't necessary". I find myself walking around hoping I don't run into person a or person b. Simply because i've burned a bridge.

BUTTTTT we're supposed to fight battles in life. We must maintain a certain amount of self-respect. And I feel like a total broken record here. So if you have some enemies or some cold encounters in life it could simply be a result of you maintaining your morals and standing your ground.

But i've definitely fought the wrong battles alongside with the right battles.

Such is life I guess

-dr

Words Of Life-Super Rough

Staying quiet when I should really shout.
Staying quiet when I should really doubt.
My life.
A climax of meaning and empty words.
Those who are real.
And those who are fake.
I'm no different in these flat lands.
A girl broke my heart in the mountains.
Another ran away in the prairies.
So from coast to coast i'm watching my own back.

I clutch my notebook close.
Only trusting my own words.
Girl you proved that wounds hurt over time.
Now I take cruel words with a grain of salt.
It burns but at least i'm involved with reality.
Pain is a necessary encounter.
But should only result in a firm handshake.
A pat on the back cause we're all fucking moving on.
And despite the depressed desire to slow it all down..

The world keeps spinning.
And so I put the pain away and watch my friends spin.
Circles of fire.
I'm a happy victim of my own desire.
To some a saint.
To others a liar.
I give a shit less and less.
Becoming a bit colder and older I must say.
I must confess

Getting used to the empty space.
That could be filled by a thrill.
A fat joint and a fine ass.
I hold on to highs wishing they could last.
All must fly and fall.
The inevitable process of life.

Hush Young Poet-Final

Hush Young Poet.

At times I shed tears for no reason
guilty I wipe away the tears
as if i'm comitting treason
they say shush now young poet
cause heartbreaks out of season.

I'm all over the place
thoughts swirling
thinking of my final casket
and the long blonde hair of the flower girl
as she tosses lilacs from a woven basket
the intricate design twisting and turning
i'm waiting for the love of my life with my stomach churning.

I'm running with my children
pushing them away just hoping they turn that bike around
pushing them away just hoping they turn that life around
i'm holding a small child in my arms
and one day i'll be gone
with only my notebooks to paint a path
you can do it my baby
flourish in my aftermath.

I'm holding my mother as she takes the last breaths of life
i'm fucking punching the wall as the pain cuts me like a knife
i'm driving at high speeds in the rain
swerving down the windy hillside
I come to the place where it all began
with trembling hands I pull out my pen
and the clouds moan with wind
saying hush now young poet
heartbreaks out of season.

Should I expect you to follow my words when they go to dark places?
Should I expect you to find warmth in strange faces?
The world they walk in strange paces
I just want to grow my wings and fly

And if I do something out of character am I able to say I was just drunk?
Or perhaps I was just out of my mind
Out of my kind
On that fateful day
When you decided to finally take seriously the silly things I say
Or maybe you were just waiting for me to fuck up.
With one foot out the door you always wanted more
And i'm struggling between writing about your beauty and calling you a whore.
Those aren't nice words i know.
A million women have struggled, I know.
But god damnit i'm struggling over here to, ya know?
And harsh words leave my lips when I talk fast and think slow.
Just a man acting like a young boy
Should I expect you to follow my words when they go to dark places?
Should I expect you to find warmth in strange faces?
The rest of the world, they walk in strange paces
I just want to grow my wings and fly...

They say hush young poet.
Heartbreaks out of season.
But you will write and will always write.
Just try my young poet, not to force words out of spite.
It's your job to speak to the masses.
Let them know everything will be alright.
It's time to leave this place.
It's time to lay down that pen and succumb to the night.

Lines on her face
Her eyes hold the beauty
A lot of stress
My huge mess
I don't why but she still cradles me.
My guardian angel.

Mama don't leave me.
Don't look away.
I've taken you to hell and back.
With not much to say.


I'm up all hours of the night.
And the voices they say...
Hush young poet.
Heartbreak's out of season.

The Beginning Of Another School Year

First off I'd like to thank all the readers. I know I haven't posted much in the past two weeks. I realize the blog game is a tough one. Most of you want daily entries that are insightful/interesting. I just can't deliver that. I'm either too busy or i'm just not in the mood. My schedule has calmed down a bit. But it will get more chaotic in october. We'll see how the blog goes around that time. I'm for sure keeping up with my audio blog series which will be posted on this site. I'm purchasing a microphone to increase the sound quality. It was brought to my attention that the sound quality is basically shit. So i'm going to invest a few dollars in making it sound better. I enjoy doing those audio recordings.

Over 5'000 views now and growing. 5k was a benchmark for me. 10k will be my next. And so on and so forth. I have a work desk now. It's my little baby. Just have to get a better chair than this old creaky piece of shit. But it's nice to have a place to write papers and blogs.

Got my candles lit. The fall air is so fucking refreshing. It's nice to justify lighting candles.

I'm the happiest i've been in awhile. Not sure what it is but september feels like a new year. I think it's the combination of school starting and less work. Less work and more brain food.

But let's get into what made this blog so popular to begin with. Talking about random shit.

The push to succeed is a phenomenon that all young adults feel. There's this attitude that people have when you're at this age. What are you doing? Where are you going? Some are genuinely concerned you'll never leave the house (parents/guardians). Others, however, don't even know you and will ask where you're headed. It's the current of life. A fast flowing river that can leave you behind. At least that's what the capitlistic philosophy will have you think. The scary thing is we're all so embedded in capitalism that our morals and philosophies are shaped by it. I remember a conversation I had with my sister a few years back. She said she wouldn't be intrested in getting to know someone who didn't have "their life together" or lacked a "general direction". Hmm, based on what terms? The statement bothered me back then and bothers me to this day. What is "success" and how to we define it? The great MC Immortal Technique once said "Success is psychological". I tend to agree. It's dangerous to set prerequisites to happiness. If someone doesn't have x amount in their bank account they are not allowed to be happy? Capitalism feeds off the uncomfortable. I need this. I need that. I need to succeed. And my success shall be defined by the money and what I spend that money on. It seems materialistic and petty because it is.  But even as a "successful" person you will face pressures from society. Don't have a partner at 35? People will question you. Why don't you have a baby by now? Where's the wife? If you live outside the societal expectations you will feel pressure. Don't have a drivers license? Why not? Go get that. I get that one a lot. Even with my apartment. Oh you live in a bachelor? I couldn't do that..no I'd need a one bedroom at least. It's all around me. Of course the uncomfortable feeling can be a postive one. But let that be you're own passions and inspirations. Don't allow people to define your life. I know it's cliche to say. But fuck it, follow that heart when it comes to life. You only get one run at this. Don't allow yourself to feel pressured as a young adult. But keep things in perspective. Even the richest man in the world has something to complain about.

 -dr