So a few people have been like "how's the love life going devon?" and my answer is "it's non-existent"
And the response is the interesting part. Because people never say anything remotely close to "good for you". It's more of "so, anything on the horizon?" or "do you like anyone?" or "why is that?"
The fact is, i'm fucking deflated. I've dated three girls in the past four months with no success. I'm not tripping on that. But for the next little while, i'm spent. And I've never felt this way before. Generally i'm always crushing. Or chasing down some girl to have sex with. Generally my penis has full reigns but perhaps i'm growing up a little.
I'm also in a very transitional stage of my life. I'm not exactly in a comfortable spot. I'm not a huge fan of my apartment, I'm not in the faculty of my choice yet. I'm not even sure i'll be in Winnipeg this time next year. So how could I tie myself up? I've become a little cynical to the idea of love. I mean, sure, it exists and two people can come together blah blah blah. But fuck that, give me a couple years. I've been down the road of putting love first and it led me nowhere. Life has hardened my view of romance. I'm not handing out free passes to my heart anymore.
Fuck off.
There's also a general response I get from my fellow kitchen workers regarding my conversations with the servers.
"I see what you're doing there"
And well, i'll admit, i'm a natural flirt. If flirting is just listening to what the girls have to say and engaging in meaningful conversation.
The next sex i'll have will be ferocious and rough and up against the wall. So, I'm still horny. But can I have my cake and eat it to? Can I have hot sexual encounters without all the emotional baggage that comes with it? In a perfect world perhaps...
Annd as usual this blog as spiraled into a mini-rant/senseless smut writing. I could write an erotic novel based on what is going through my head at the lovely hour of 5am.
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