Self-Involvement & Break-Ups

I’m writing this from the airport. Travel is a perfect time to blog. Although I’m awkwardly perched near some outlets and typing is proving to be a little difficult. But perhaps I will choose my words more carefully.

As I mentioned before a friend of mine recently broke up with his girlfriend. And she reached out to me about it. I can tell she wants to talk about it. And I completely understand that feeling. Depending on the circumstances, breakups tend to leave many unanswered questions and self-doubt on both sides. There are, of course, those relationships which are rotten to the core and the culmination is a relief. However, most are akin to “We were fine just last week!”. They carry a feeling of surprise and disappointment mixed with despair and confusion..no fun. So I can understand why she may want to reach out and talk. However, I’m torn between my loyalty to my friend and my empathy for her.

My friend is my best friend. Has been my whole life. And I find that we have more of a symbolic friendship than an active friendship. That’s not to say we don’t get together and have a great time once in awhile. But we’ve strayed onto different life paths and have much different friends. My friend can be very self-involved. And I don’t necessarily blame him. I see the dynamics of his family and the values of which he has been taught. And they aren’t exactly philanthropic. And they don’t necessarily include empathy for others. Many times I feel that favours are done with a chip on his shoulder. He’s annoyed and doesn’t like putting himself out of the way for others.

Self-involvement is toxic in a relationship. The definition of a relationship includes a certain level of self-sacrifice and mutual understanding. Now, I’m not necessarily blaming that on the end of my friends relationship. But it certainly will play a role in the recovery speed of his girlfriend.

There is no “good” way to breakup. Although, I’m a supporter of doing it in person and explaining the real reasons why. But self-involvement post-breakup can increase the sting. Especially if the self-involved ended things. I find the immediate replacement of a girl/boy after a breakup rather distasteful. Give yourself a break after a breakup. I seems scary, but a break up is an excellent chance for self-growth. You’ll be doing yourself and the next person you date a favour.

Do people who break up with others learn from the end? Or is there a feeling of superiority in maintaining control? It’s something to think about. Was is self-sacrifice or an ego move aimed at self-involvement?. With my self-involved friend I wonder if he will really learn from the end of his relationship.

But then again, empathy is something from the heart. Is it taught or just the natural order of my mind? My friends, be fragile with others hearts.

You just may find yourself being dumped by someone you care deeply for. 

peace & love 

from the YWG