Brain vs Penis

So the solo nights have begun (back in full swing). Which involve me drinking a few at the bar (at work) and heading home to make the inevitable trip down to the beer store. I typically purchase one or two king cans. Or if the day has been especially brutal i'll pick up a six.

I'm writing this and sweating. The weather is still insanely humid and while it is beginning to rain outside (yay) my apatment still resembles a sauna. I just got back from the beer store ( I bought a king can of Molson Dry) and here I am writing a blog. On my way to the store I couldn't help but notice a young couple, arm in arm, heading home after a lovely night of drinks and apps from the many restaurants of osborne. I have to admit osborne as these pretty streetlights that actually resemble something of romance. So if you catch a couple at the right moment they will pass under those streetlights and if you froze that moment in time then you have a perfect postcard to send home.

To tell everyone that love still exists.

Ah yes, bitter and jaded. Sitting at the bar flicking coins into empty glasses and hardly looking around. The women are plentiful and available. Dressed in tight clothing and loose clothing in all the right places. Young and sexy. That's where we are at I suppose. We're all young and sexy and the world is our oyster.

But i'm indifferent to it all. I fell like that side of me has extinguished itself over the past few months. I don't desire anyone at the moment. I'm relishing the alone time. For now...It always returns in full force. A burning desire that nags at the mind. That's when I start thinking less with my brain and more with my penis.

It almost always ends with an empty bottle of wine and my dimly lit apartment. And that sexy silhouette dancing in front of me.

Not that this is necessarily a bad thing. Considering where I am at in life. And as I said to my friend regarding his recent breakup:
"We're at that age, man, we're at that age"

Pointing out that, hey, as early twenty-somethings we don't have our shit together. And these haphazard romances will bruise a few hearts along the way.

At 18 I said I had my shit together with full confidence. Five years later I say I don't have my shit together with full confidence. Time taught me some lessons.

But it humbles me to know that i'm still learning and evolving as a human everyday. I got to thinking on my walk about self-regulation.

I'm a pretty avid supporter of self-regulation and remaining "real" with oneself. It supports the ability to be honest with oneself and point out our own flaws. But when we become unhappy with ourselves to a certain points..then we are doing ourselves a disservice.

So we can be our own worst enemy and best friend at the same time.
The easy cliche answer is to dance a fine line between the two. .

Ah well, I don't have all the answers. Talk to me in thirty years. Then maybe i'll have some sort of an answer to all the questions that flood our young minds everyday. 

For now, let's just take things day by day.

-dev