I remember when I was younger ( in the teenage years) sex and the bodies of females fascinated me. It was the end all be all. I mean, I wasn't exactly a ladies man at the time. A face full of acne and a lack of style had me single throughout high school. Left to be an observer rather than a partaker.
So, I guess in not having sex or any real relationship at the time I mystified the whole thing. I made sex out to be this amazing thing. I saw it as having no real harm and just being this constant thing I worked towards.
Feminism aside, I still think about sex. I mean, all the gender studies classes in the world can't take away my heterosexual drive. So if I do come across a female I find attractive. I will probably at one point think about how she looks naked. I did it back in high school, I do it to this day. Probably will do it until my sex drive shuts down.
I know that my feminism and this raw desire conflict. And that is sooort of the point of this blog post, but not completely. But it is a phenomenon to educate oneself about the plight of females in every culture. The extreme being females living in the middle east and right to the females I share a classroom with. They have a different world and being in G.S classes allowed me a glimpse into that world. It was extremely enlightening.
However, a big aspect is the male gaze and the objectification of women. These aren't objects, these are people. And they deserve to be judged on qualities that do not pertain to what they've chosen to wear. Or their bodies at all for that matter. In fact, dialogue about bodies at all disturbs me slightly. You know, those graphics that are so popular lately saying things like "Real men like women with curves" or "You don't have to wear make-up to be pretty" and so on and so forth. In the end, it's men telling women how to act/feel/and behave. Even under the veil of positivity it makes me squirm and wonder "why can't we just let them..you know..do what the fuck they want?"
But of course I do look at women sexually. It's part of my nature. The animal in me wants to procreate. This can't be shut off. So I try to keep my thoughts to a socially acceptable level.
This brings me to the main point of this blog. As I said earlier sex used to be this HUGE thing. It was what I always used to think about when meeting new attractive girls. But, now that I've gone through a few relationships my thinking has changed. And it's not really feminism that has done this. It's more of a realization that sex is a big deal to me, and typically also to my partner. And maybe i'm foolishly pursuing it a little too quickly in relationships. And not even in "relationships" but when i'm first meeting a girl/getting to know her.
There's this theory I have. And it's funny that i'm even bringing it up because I have no real solution for it. But I do have the theory that having sex early on when first dating someone adds a level of seriousness and connection that may not be real. Gee, what could I mean by that? Well the physically intimacy of sex gives us this feeling of connection that has no actually been made yet. When you date/see someone it really is a feeling out period (no pun intended) and you either make the choice between dating seriously or moving your separate ways. Well, I feel sex makes this feeling out process harder by putting the relationship to this level that has no actually been achieved.
Now, in my usually annoying fashion, I'm going to say this is pretty much unavoidable. I mean, you could hypothetically hold off on sex until you feel a "real" connection. But let's get real here. At some point you're going to be drinking wine on a couch with dim lighting and well..things go faster than expected when you're horny as shit with someone you find very attractive. To deny these physical urges in the hope that you may form a more solid relationship is (to me) just as much as a gamble as having sex early and seeing where it goes. Perhaps though the only difference between holding off and diving in is the fall out. Things my hurt less when you go your separate ways if you aren't sexually active. Hm, but then you didn't get laid.
I digress, what I'm trying to say is that I find myself realizing that sex is serious stuff. And I make choices nowadays that would seem silly in my late teens. I have to ask myself "do I want to pursue this person?" because if I know that I want to have sex with with..but not seriously date them. Then I feel the responsibility to hold off from doing that. I don't necessarily owe this to anyone. But once you've been down the dating/relationship road a few times you tend to feel a connection with others.
The connection being "damn, you and I both know that this can hurt"
And it can hurt but can also be this amazing thing. And ahh..maybe we should slow things down not too much but just a little.
-Dev
