It's been awhile since my last post. Sorry!
Without having anything real to post I thought I'd just share the latest random shit laying around my desk.
In no real order whatsoever. Call it a stream of conciousness.
I like when colours clash
Never been a fan of fine art
Love when the colours clash
Never been a fan of fine art
I like when the colours clash
Challenging conventions of fine art
You say we need to discuss our problems
I wonder where to start.
Can we discover what the stars had already written?
Besides what you said had already been spitten
Out of your mouth carelessely
Wild eyes hair messy
I crush things in my hand because I hold on too tight
Taught that all things go away
I despise fate
feel like I have you at my fingertips
thief for your love
diving in and taking sweet sips
she's rare elixer
while they wasted time to fix her
there's nothing I can drop off in a donation box
feeling like giving out a piece of me
not just tube socks
if I could donate a verb that creates a word
that creates a sentence that might prevent a sentence
if I could send the letter once opened just remember I sent this
the time I donated a word
and they made it theirs
my eyes ask "do you trust me?"
but we're already too far too late
too alive for a heartrate
no time for trust just furious embraces
pulling you out of the crowd filled with strange faces
no time for time
no time for games
no time for us to decide if it will be worth it
the poetry I say
the price I pay
to have you tonight
"how did you hear me?"
"the wind carried your voice across the river"
was thinking if they hating?
might not be that you're wearing the wrong size
just hanging around the wrong eyes
I love my friends for unconvential tie dies
because the truth isn't too far from a flip
or a handstand
how many of you appreciate those around you?
as if they were land
I want to see more men
deliberate and write
not fight over what's right
but express themselves on what love means to them
you know what love is
half hug
half love
whatever tho you only like my good weather
-Dev
Monday, May 25, 2015
Friday, May 8, 2015
The Minefield Of Love
"Why do I never seem to learn"?
Often people ask themselves this question when it comes to relationships. Whether it's pursuing a broken relationship, creating a new one, or watching what you thought was working fail.
Why do we never seem to learn? I was thinking about this question in regards to our relationships and it provoked some thought I figured I'd share.
Affection lacks the context we often refer to when fixing errors. It's not something we can point to and remark "there..that's what I did wrong..never again".
We are animals and we crave a mate for multiple reasons. And love is a form of insanity..a good form of insanity. But what insanity really really lacks is sense and rationality. And love fits into the category of lacking sense and rationality.
Of course, it doesn't have to be love. But affection is a tricky emotion that tends to be at odds with our rational and empirical real world thought. We don't add things up the same way when it comes to love and affection. So there seems to be two sides of us that can be at odds when it comes to affection. You very well may know that this person is not going to bring you happiness in the long run. You may have tried and tried and viewed the results. But you still find yourself reaching out to them. Or buying into their claims of "one more chance".
Chasing affection is sort of a dangerous game that can be incredibly rewarding but also painful. And there's no real solution. We sort of step onto the minefield and leap around hoping we find something that will last. And like little explosions we enter in and out of relationships slowly learning by the catastrophes. Our rational side saying "I got this, you just don't want that anymore". But in the end we can just hope we meet that right person.
So if you're beating yourself up for going back to him/her. No worries. It's just your primal sex/mate driven side defeating your rational empirical side. And when it comes to life our hearts tend to make the final decision.
-Devon
Often people ask themselves this question when it comes to relationships. Whether it's pursuing a broken relationship, creating a new one, or watching what you thought was working fail.
Why do we never seem to learn? I was thinking about this question in regards to our relationships and it provoked some thought I figured I'd share.
Affection lacks the context we often refer to when fixing errors. It's not something we can point to and remark "there..that's what I did wrong..never again".
We are animals and we crave a mate for multiple reasons. And love is a form of insanity..a good form of insanity. But what insanity really really lacks is sense and rationality. And love fits into the category of lacking sense and rationality.
Of course, it doesn't have to be love. But affection is a tricky emotion that tends to be at odds with our rational and empirical real world thought. We don't add things up the same way when it comes to love and affection. So there seems to be two sides of us that can be at odds when it comes to affection. You very well may know that this person is not going to bring you happiness in the long run. You may have tried and tried and viewed the results. But you still find yourself reaching out to them. Or buying into their claims of "one more chance".
Chasing affection is sort of a dangerous game that can be incredibly rewarding but also painful. And there's no real solution. We sort of step onto the minefield and leap around hoping we find something that will last. And like little explosions we enter in and out of relationships slowly learning by the catastrophes. Our rational side saying "I got this, you just don't want that anymore". But in the end we can just hope we meet that right person.
So if you're beating yourself up for going back to him/her. No worries. It's just your primal sex/mate driven side defeating your rational empirical side. And when it comes to life our hearts tend to make the final decision.
-Devon
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
Bad Days Can Be Fatal
Two teenage kids killed themselves over the past weekend.
And I wonder how they could have done it.
I've had dark days. That's for sure. But the idea of taking my own life is beyond me. However, that doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
I remember someone saying "suicide is selfish"-referring to the people they leave behind and the suffering it causes. But i've always viewed suicide as an escape from pain. Sometimes a very long period of pain that goes untreated. I don't know about suicide being "selfish" because life is the best thing we have. Life is our reality and to take our own existence away is far from thinking simply of ourselves.
Suicide can be a result of long untreated depression. But in the case of the two suicide's over the past weekend it seems to show that their are different types of suicidal thoughts that can occur. The two kids had been involved romantically and when the girl ended her own life, the boy chose to end his own life shortly after. No doubt a reaction to the extreme pain and darkness he felt enveloped in. Suicide can be a quick and deadly decision or it can be premediated throughout weeks and months.
The Bridge Documentary
How can we prevent this? Laudible is the reaction from mental health experts advocating for increased awareness, funding, and support for mental health throughout schools. I agree that mental health takes a lesser role when we speak of health. Ever tried calling into work sad? You'd probably be laughed at and told to come in or face repercussions. Calling in sad is not an option. Nor is missing school or assignments really viewed as an option. People don't feel like their mental health is really going to understood or taken seriously by others. We also live in a society that harshly criticizes or over analyzes one's mental health. Not clinically depressed? Get over it. I've had people tell me that depression is much different than someone having a bad day. And while I agree that the parameters of clinical depression may be different than a "bad day" I don't agree that takes away from how tragic a bad day can be in one's life. If they do so choose to end their own life from a bad day then I think it's perfectly normal to treat the situation with the same care and attention we would from someone suffering depression.
A bad day is a form of depression. Bad days that string together into bad weeks and months are a form of depression. It may not be entirely clinical in the sense of lifelong depression and anxiety but it's sure as hell just as deadly. I'm no mental health expert but the field has intrigued me for a variety of different reasons. Mostly I feel that we could learn so much more about eachother and become much more empathetic creatures but understanding the mental nuances we all go through. I try to reminds myself of these nuances when I go about my life. This person may be having a bad day-often that statement runs through my head. And when i'm having a bad day I ty to be aware that I could easily bring other people down with me.
As I said-not a mental health expert. But I've written about different forms of happiness before and I think it's important to touch on that again. The simple things in life as opposed to materialistic creations. Organic vs Non-Organic forms of happiness.
More of us need to ask ourselves "what makes us happy"? and celebrate those things. Make time for what truly causes us to smile. We need more balance in our lives between those things and materialistic endeavours. Yes we all want to be successful and to do well in life. But what is the point if we aren't happy? What is the point of your relationship if you are consistently on edge and fighting? Are you really better off with that person rather than being alone? If you are pursuing a career in order to be financially stable there is nothing wrong with that. But again, ask yourself, what makes me happy? You'll find it's not so much the paycheque as it is the value you place on your work and the relationships you form with co-workers. You'll find it's mostly in your off-time spending time with friends and family. These things cannot be purchased. They do not exist as a creation in a factory or a purchase at the shopping mall. They exist in our hearts. In the embraces we make. The beauty of life is even in our tears. Because we cannot sell our emotions. And despite all our differences and places in life we have all wiped tears from our face.
One last point. We've all been down. We know what a bad day is and it's not for us to judge anothers bad day. Don't say to someone that says "i'm feeling depressed" that they don't have real depression or don't know what true sadness is. Those could prove to be fatal words. Instead just listen and offer support. It's not so much relating to the indivudal as connecting with them. The wisest words lie in our experience. And sometimes we need to mount those painful experiences on our shoulders and utilize them to help another.
In my opinion humans have never grown from shoving eachother aside and pursuing solitary goals. It's only when we connect that wonderful things happen. Reminding me of some rhymes I wrote some time ago.
I want my foes to fear me
Judging eyes to clear me
So I can gain a new fan in a little kid sitting with a blank notebook
A soon to be hope book
As soon be recluse and reservation from a forced destination
Cause in this world we don't always see our dreams played out
But we take what we can and forge our own route
We don't always have the power to chase individual schemes
But if we come together as one, than we can achieve bigger things
-Devon
And I wonder how they could have done it.
I've had dark days. That's for sure. But the idea of taking my own life is beyond me. However, that doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
I remember someone saying "suicide is selfish"-referring to the people they leave behind and the suffering it causes. But i've always viewed suicide as an escape from pain. Sometimes a very long period of pain that goes untreated. I don't know about suicide being "selfish" because life is the best thing we have. Life is our reality and to take our own existence away is far from thinking simply of ourselves.
Suicide can be a result of long untreated depression. But in the case of the two suicide's over the past weekend it seems to show that their are different types of suicidal thoughts that can occur. The two kids had been involved romantically and when the girl ended her own life, the boy chose to end his own life shortly after. No doubt a reaction to the extreme pain and darkness he felt enveloped in. Suicide can be a quick and deadly decision or it can be premediated throughout weeks and months.
The Bridge Documentary
How can we prevent this? Laudible is the reaction from mental health experts advocating for increased awareness, funding, and support for mental health throughout schools. I agree that mental health takes a lesser role when we speak of health. Ever tried calling into work sad? You'd probably be laughed at and told to come in or face repercussions. Calling in sad is not an option. Nor is missing school or assignments really viewed as an option. People don't feel like their mental health is really going to understood or taken seriously by others. We also live in a society that harshly criticizes or over analyzes one's mental health. Not clinically depressed? Get over it. I've had people tell me that depression is much different than someone having a bad day. And while I agree that the parameters of clinical depression may be different than a "bad day" I don't agree that takes away from how tragic a bad day can be in one's life. If they do so choose to end their own life from a bad day then I think it's perfectly normal to treat the situation with the same care and attention we would from someone suffering depression.
A bad day is a form of depression. Bad days that string together into bad weeks and months are a form of depression. It may not be entirely clinical in the sense of lifelong depression and anxiety but it's sure as hell just as deadly. I'm no mental health expert but the field has intrigued me for a variety of different reasons. Mostly I feel that we could learn so much more about eachother and become much more empathetic creatures but understanding the mental nuances we all go through. I try to reminds myself of these nuances when I go about my life. This person may be having a bad day-often that statement runs through my head. And when i'm having a bad day I ty to be aware that I could easily bring other people down with me.
As I said-not a mental health expert. But I've written about different forms of happiness before and I think it's important to touch on that again. The simple things in life as opposed to materialistic creations. Organic vs Non-Organic forms of happiness.
More of us need to ask ourselves "what makes us happy"? and celebrate those things. Make time for what truly causes us to smile. We need more balance in our lives between those things and materialistic endeavours. Yes we all want to be successful and to do well in life. But what is the point if we aren't happy? What is the point of your relationship if you are consistently on edge and fighting? Are you really better off with that person rather than being alone? If you are pursuing a career in order to be financially stable there is nothing wrong with that. But again, ask yourself, what makes me happy? You'll find it's not so much the paycheque as it is the value you place on your work and the relationships you form with co-workers. You'll find it's mostly in your off-time spending time with friends and family. These things cannot be purchased. They do not exist as a creation in a factory or a purchase at the shopping mall. They exist in our hearts. In the embraces we make. The beauty of life is even in our tears. Because we cannot sell our emotions. And despite all our differences and places in life we have all wiped tears from our face.
One last point. We've all been down. We know what a bad day is and it's not for us to judge anothers bad day. Don't say to someone that says "i'm feeling depressed" that they don't have real depression or don't know what true sadness is. Those could prove to be fatal words. Instead just listen and offer support. It's not so much relating to the indivudal as connecting with them. The wisest words lie in our experience. And sometimes we need to mount those painful experiences on our shoulders and utilize them to help another.
In my opinion humans have never grown from shoving eachother aside and pursuing solitary goals. It's only when we connect that wonderful things happen. Reminding me of some rhymes I wrote some time ago.
I want my foes to fear me
Judging eyes to clear me
So I can gain a new fan in a little kid sitting with a blank notebook
A soon to be hope book
As soon be recluse and reservation from a forced destination
Cause in this world we don't always see our dreams played out
But we take what we can and forge our own route
We don't always have the power to chase individual schemes
But if we come together as one, than we can achieve bigger things
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