Dev Talks #2

2nd edition of my audio blog series called "Dev Talks"

Listen & Enjoy!

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Dev Talks

New series i'm starting called "Dev Talks"

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Dead Dogs And Lying

A friend of mine lost his dog the other day. Just an unfortunate accident. Dog chases rabbit onto street..you can fill in the rest.

It had me thinking of Jasper. Jasper was some kind of german shepard mix..a mutt for lack of a better term. We found out quickly that he had some issues. This became quite clear one winter morning when we were all getting ready to leave for school. Jasper was acting strange. He was foaming at the mouth and running into walls. We learned later that he was epileptic. And apparently from the research I did recently you can get medication to control the seizures.

A sad state of affairs...one day we made a gruesome discovery upon returning home. Jasper had died while we were gone. We could hardly even open the front door because his large corpse was blocking the way. He had completely emptied his bladder before his death. So you can imagine the smell and sight being quite traumatizing. I never did though, my dad had me go away for awhile. He lugged jasper into the car and sped off to the vet. But the poor guy was already long gone. It's strange how memories resurface and have a different effect. It shows i've changed over the years. I'm now wondering if I would be a different person had I laid eyes on the dead dog.

Jeeez,  4 am has a way of creeping up on you. I've been trying to take advantage of my insomnia by creating through writing. But these thoughts seem dark.

It was good to see my friend. We've been friends since pre-school and life has a way of pulling people apart. But we've maintained a good connection throughout the years. Lately we seem to book dates just to sit down with a couple beers and catch up on things. He's going through some stuff and I wish him the best. But I can see some difficult times ahead of him if he does not own up to some stuff. He just needs to stop lying.

Lying is always that quick solution to a problem. It's a small patch-job that will eventually break and create a must worse situation. You can insert your corny metaphorical description of lying here. I used to lie as a child. Enough so that it became a problem and my trust-worthiness was always questioned by my father. This extends in small ways even to this day. Although I feel i've made strides with my father. Nowadays if I tell a lie it's very minor ( white lie). But every so often a "big" lie does get told on my part. I can think of a couple off the top of my head. However, those lies didn't hurt anyone-only me. I simply carry the guilt of the lie.

Yup, pretty happy to say i'm pretty lie free. Buut you know, there's always those little lies we've told that somehow still exist to this day.

Deceit seems to be a slightly different thing than lying in that it doesn't require an actual lie. Such as when you convey a false feeling through action. Or omitting certain information. And of course there's different levels of lying and deceit. Some people lie to protect their ass in an awkward situation. Others lie to hurt.

I am curious as to how my readers feel about lying. Because I strive to be as honest as possible.

All this humble honest mumbo jumbo seems a little ineffective in a cut-throat world. Where deceit is a widely used tool as people clamour to attain their "dreams".

Fight the good fight family..

d.r

Bus Convos

Homeless Man- "What's the day today? Thursday?

Me- "Sure is"

Homeless Man- "You have hair on your hands"

Me-"Whaa?"

Homeless Man- "You have hair on the sides on your hand"

Me-"Oh..yeah, i'm just a hairy guy in general"

Homeless Man-"I'm a hairy man noon and nighty night"

Me-"Uhmm?"

Homeless Man- "You'll understand when you're a bit older"

We both got off at polo park.

"Night"
"Night"

And I did find out what the man was talking about later.

Hip Hop Playlist #5

I just finished off my 5th Hip Hop playlist.

Enjoy.

I'll post the previous playlists later.

Work Convo's

I caught a glimpse of a girl on my co-workers screen while he used his phone today.

The conversation went like this"

"I see you got yourself a shorty?"

"Hah, well kind of my shorty"

"Dude if she's your background on your phone then she's your shorty"

"She likes to fuck with my head"

"How so?"

"Well she doesn't want to be with me...but she wants me around"

"Been there bro"

Hush Young Poet-Rough

at times I shed tears for no reason
guilty I wipe away the tears
as if i'm comitting treason
they say shush now young poet
cause heartbreaks out of season

i'm all over the place
thinking of my final casket
and the long blonde hair of the flower girl
as she tosses lilacs from a woven basket
the intricate design twisting and turning
i'm waiting for the love of my life with my stomach churning

i'm running with my children
pushing them away just hoping they turn that bike around
pushing them away just hoping they turn that life around
i'm holding a small child in my arms
and one day i'll be gone
with only my notebooks to paint a path
you can do it my child
flourish in my aftermath

i'm holding my mother as she takes the last breaths of life
i'm fucking punching the wall as the pain cuts me like a knife
i'm driving at high speeds in the rain
swerving down the windy hillside
I come to the place where it all began
with trembling hands I pull out my pen
and the clouds moan with wind
saying hush now young poet
heartbreaks out of season

shushh young poet
don't be scared to die
just close your eyes and fly
your child is calling
daddy
daddy
your child is calling

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The End Of "The Nice Guy"

I wrote a blog post earlier about being depressed. And while the writing made me feel better at the time..I eventually slipped back into the funk I was experiencing before.

This started to worry me. I became worried that I was actually becoming depressed. At the very least, experiencing depressed episodes. I'm a generally even emotioned guy. I don't have highs and lows unless something is occuring in my life. I've had some tough times, and the highs and lows generally come from those times. But lately my life has been boring-but not depressive. Well that's what I was telling myself. I was so confused as to why I had this bi-polar set of emotions. It was so unlike the usual devon. The mild-mannered tough-to-life devon. And well my readers..we all have to hit a bit of rock bottom to realize what's actually going on.

This is going to be a rather long post. Just giving a warning. Feel free to leave at a certain paragraph and come back later. But the main goal is to keep you reading.

Let's begin with this "nice guy" complex that is my best attribute and worst enemy at times. All my life girls have told me "your such a nice guy devon" or "your so sweet" "your so cute" "your not like those assholes out there devon". And i'm torn on these statements because I feel being a nice guy has worked in my advantage..but also to my disadvantage. Lately i've been quite moody and depressed. I've found myself in these strange negative moods. Just laying on the couch reliving past events. Most is shit I should have gotten over already. So to multiple on my shitty mood..i'm blaming myself for getting worked up over petty shit.

The "nice guy" thing has to end. And i've struggled with this decision over the past couple weeks. But i've realized that a lot of my shitty mood has a lot to do with recent events. Especially the last girl I saw..or whatever the fuck you want to call it. Let's just say the last girl I slept with really fucked with me. She treated me in a way that some of the worst guy's I know treat girls. I can honestly say she got away with a lot of what she did because I was so busy being a nice guy. An "understanding guy" I should say. But I realized today that i'm not doing myself any favours by pretending everything is ok. As a matter of fact, i'm really pissed off by what that girl did to me. I decided to write down my rant. And it was an ugly and brutal rant. I can say with full certainty that I could have destroyed that girl and her reputation amongst my followers with that rant. I wrote it all down and decided to delete it. I had gotten it all out. And I figured enough time has past since we last saw eachother. It wasn't going to be useful to bring up old ghosts. But what's important is my realization i'm sick of being the "nice guy".

Devon Reid is no longer the "nice guy". It's not a title that I will hold proudly anymore. And any female that decides she's going to fuck around with my emotions is going to feel the wrath. But this isn't a post about how "tough" I am. I've let people walk all over for me for far too fucking long. And this is me saying i'm not going to allow myself to be played a fool. I did myself a dis-service by holding it all in. I lied to myself and said "it's ok" but it really wasn't.

FOR NOW I HAVE MY OWN BACK. AND THIS ISN'T ME PUSHING THE WORLD AWAY. THIS IS ME SAYING I'M GOING TO FIGHT BACK. I HAVE LET THE PAST GO. BUT THE FUTURE WILL BE DIFFERENT.

I've spoken of the benefits of being a nice guy before. If you are a nice guy you will attract a nice girl. But you will also be taken advantage of. My problem is that i've let people get away with doing that. It's not right, and i'm damn well going to make that clear.

So perhaps this isn't the death of "nice devon" but a reformation of him. I'm changing the rules and boundaries to my life.

Allow me to enter the future a new man. Let me believe in love. Let me smell the flowers. But sharpen my sword. Instill in me the courage to face the world with the courage of a lion and the tenderness of a young cub. But it must be known a new age has come. No more hiding. No more fucking holding back for this man. 

Sincerely, the realest words I've ever spoken.

-d.r

 

To Tip Or Not To Tip...

Rationally Speaking had an interesting article on Tipping and I thought I would weigh in with my thoughts.


 Free Music - Download Audio - Tipping

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The Well-Meaning Asshole

I wish the best on the people close to me. It seems like an obvious statement to make. But sometimes my advice may seem contradictory to happiness. It may seem to go against an ideal or hope that one may hold. Such is the way of raw and real advice. It comes from a genuine place. Truth hurts as they say..

That's why lately i've been struggling with harsh words and the usual "i'm happy for you". As I grow older I find less time for bullshit. Let's get right to the point. You and your signifigant other broke up and are now back together. The "second run" at rekindling a romance that died in the first place. And I don't need to have the full story here. I know that you've come to an agreement over how to define what you are "now" as opposed to when you were an "official" couple. But one thing is for sure...you're hanging and banging. So basically still a couple. The difference is the duct tape you've now patched up the relationship with. It's not the same as it once was. And it's liable to peel off in the future. It's little things like "let's take it slow" or "let's not rush back into things"

All these idealist schemes created to convince onseself that the love is still there. Welll I'll make the controversial statement that the LOVE ohhh the LOVE you are trying to preserve failed once and will fail again. So here I am..the cynical friend with melancholy advice. But the doomsday advice comes from an sincere place. I can only know so much about things. And I'm genuinely rooting for the happiness of all.

I don't think I wish despair on anyone. But i'm very aware of who gives a shit and who doesn't. If you don't give a shit about me. Then vice-versa. Simple as that.

Some Stuff From The Notebook

All I have in the way of writing is a bunch of unorganized ideas and unfinished poems. The cool thing about this stuff is how they all seem to develop into complete thoughts.

I sit in a dark room.
Too scared to crawl to the light.
Too sick of the games.
Too sick of the endless fights.
I know i'm gripping fate with a phone in my hand.
You're on the same line but so far away making a cruel demand.
Asking me to seperate from old friends and dry land.
Urging me into the open waters...
The rough waves of trust.
Cause girl we done gone down that road.
We've rushed and hoped and hit the ground hard.

Ohh we rushed and hoped and hit the ground hard.
And I can't be your hero.
No can't be your hero no more.

Just playing with thought.
I sit with my pen hovering above the page.
And I reach deep for something.
A feeling that'll drive this pen.
Something to contain the rage
when it comes to love..
i would hope that things don't end when push comes to shove
maybe realizing petty things we're above
and i'm down with love
ohhh so down with love
but we rushed, hoped, and hit the ground hard.
and i can't be your hero
ohh no can't be your hero no more


just cause I filled the bed doesn't mean I filled the heart
and I just want a clean slate with all this
a fresh start
.....

Actions fucking wild.
Where's the booze
The pills?
I want skin on skin
Sin filled thrills

Calm down devon.
Your time will come.
Cats on the run.
Knife in hand you'll have some blood soaked fun.
So calm down homie
Your time will come.

My time will come
All over the shortys chest
Then I ask the rest who's best
Nobody steppin to the plate to contest
I'd say humble as can be
In a game that wanna see me cold and dead on the street
That why I lace my sneakers tight on my feet
Cause at time's it's fight or flight
And i'm not bout laying in a casket tonight
To blast a gun or pull a knife it's your life not my call but i'm bout rhymes not crimes
So let it be known i'm grown.
I said let it be known i'm grown.

power and money but you're mortal
can't stop the ticking of time
losing your mind
cause of that missed kiss
and that missed chance
to just see her face
i'm just a hopeless member of the human race

and yeah i made mistakes
at the time didn't acknowledge such high stakes
but please take something into account before you choose
you'd go crazy to if you were in my shoes

watched my little brother turn from a boy to a man
and sometimes I feel I could learn from him
but the bottom line is we got eachother
and no line I could spit realer than that bond
so speechless it;s funny how we treat this like it's so void of meaning
but

don't know much about the beauty across the way
except she makes that dude stand outside while he smokes
he cups his hands and stomps the snow off his feet
i'm too


As you can see, very unorganized. But that's the process. A thought will hit my head. And most of the time it's simply a line. Or a scene..yeah..a visual image that inspires me. It can be anything really. That's why having a notebook around you at all time's is a good idea. Because I can't imagine the good lines or ideas that have come and left without being written down.

Boring Ass Blog

Well it's been a week since I last posted in the blog. And weelllll I don't really have much to talk about.

I'm sort of sitting here going "where has summer gone?" with september steadfastly approaching. It's not that I'm dreading the fall though. In a way i'm excited to spend less time at work and more time studying. It's not less work. But it's a different flow in life. And the brain feels good from school. Is that a grammatically correct sentence?

I booked off the evening of the 21st to go see Tech N9ne in concert. But my request was denied. There's a little bit of a sting there because I hate my hours at work. They are shitty but necessary hours. I work them because the pay is good and I need $$ for pretty much everything in life. But it still stings that I never went out to the lake at all this summer. Never spent any real time with friends on some dock with no worries for at least a few days. Had my sisters wedding, and that's all. So i was hoping for some hip hop goodness nearing the end of august.

So jeez, let me have this one evening off ya think?

I've been attempting to get into shape/ bulk up. I'm not trying to be some muscle man over here. In fact, that really doesn't matter to me. I just want to gain some weight in muscle. My mother was fawning over me when I visited. "You're too thin! You need to eat more!" And i'll admit I have a good 15-20 pounds to put on. My mother relates a "healthy" weight for me to when I lived with her. Which isn't fair because the epitome of snack food is living at your mothers house. I constantly ate while living with her. So naturally I weighed in around 165-170. I'm at 150 right now. So she's "concerned". I try and tell her "MOM! I'm a skinny scottish dude and always will be!"

Let mothers worry. It's comforting to have someone worry about me. But i'm not here to put lines on her face. So I printed out a diet plan ( for NFL players) and have begun a semi-routine. I'll have to eventually get a gym pass somewhere if I really want to become serious about it though. The thing is, I hate gyms. i hate gym culture and I find weight lifting boring as shit. And like I said, i'm not going for a certain kind of "look". I just want useful strength and to feel more healthy.

My god this blog is fucking boring. I'm sorry i've been droning on with nothing relevant to anything.

Like I said, i'm just rolling with the days. I do need some sort of spark. Some inspiration. It's all around me and I can feel it.

Nothing To Say..

I'm just horny.

These Things Happen For A Reason

A co-worker of mine is going through a difficult breakup with his girlfriend. It was one of those dreaded "out of nowhere" things. I asked him if he saw it coming at all and he scrunched up his face and said "no"

Perhaps later on down the road he will. I've had people end things with me and I can admit I did not see it coming. But in retrospect, there is always signs.

These things happen for a reason. I'm not an "everything happens for a reason" kind of guy. However, relationships end for a reason.

I pressed him for details. And I'll admit, part of me was concerned and the other part fascinated. These things do have an allure when they are not happening to us. Reality tv..hello?! 

And well, it's just one of those " she's not feeling me anymore" kind of things. My god, that's a tough one to swallow. Because hey, the guy has a heart of gold. And the fact is he's going to go through some stages of self-blame. I just hope he gets out of that funk sooner rather than later.

So i'm sitting on the toilet asking myself this question:

"Would I rather be given a list of things my partner finds wrong with me? OR "Be let down softly but with many unanswered questions?"

I find that topics tend to re-appear on my blog. And we did discuss re-invention of oneself earlier. Should a breakup be used as a tool or motive for re-invention? I know I did some silly stuff after a hard breakup. For example I bought some goofy posters that ended up being taken down in a couple months. Kind of random, I know.

But we can't control how others may feel about us. We have a hard enough time controlling our own emotions. I think the more pressing issue is to recover. Because sadness is a hell of a thing. Your brain is telling you something and it is up to you to make sense of it.

However, every single piece of advice I could give my co-worker is cliche and is written a million times all over the internet. I'm not even going to go there. But I will make a controversial statement. I think females recover from heartbreak faster then males do. I say this because females generally have a larger support systems in place for such an occurence. Let's face it. Males are not always ready to embrace emotions in the same way. I see girls cry all the time for various reasons. Those floodgates get opened often. But a man with a heart of gold who has just lost someone..the main focal point of his life..that's gut wrenching right there.

So while my co-worker forces a smile and jokes around with us to take his mind off things. I know he's instinctively reaching for his phone for that text that's no longer coming. I know he's going online and creeping her activity. I know he has pictures of her that he's holding at night and shedding tears that nobody sees. And the worst of it all is that he may feel alone in those moments. There's no group of guys coming over for hugs and chocolate and movies. There's no " i'm here for you..xoxox" messages.

As men, we have to deal with our pain in the hardest way..by ourselves.

Thanks for reading.

peace & love

devon

Remembering Hiroshima

Drake's Hold On We're Going Home

This is a repost of this awesome song because my previous post is no longer working.

Just love the vibe of this tune.

I want to have a steamy makeout sesh to it.

Walking My Mom Down The Aisle + Other Randoms

Tired And Ranting/Raving

JUST LET ME STAND ON MY LITTLE SOAPBOX AND SHARE MY POETRY. BECAUSE I NEVER ASKED ANYONE TO GATHER AROUND AND LISTEN. I'M A WALKING CLICHE TIRED ASS KID OF A MILITARY GENERAL. HAVING SEEN THE DARKSIDE I MAKE THIS CONSTANT CHOICE TO REMAIN GOOD. BUT THE SHADOWS CALL TO ME FROM THE SWEET AND SULTRY CURVES OF MY LATEST CONQUEST. TIRED OF THE WINE AND HEARTBREAK. THANKFUL FOR THE WARM MEALS AND GREAT SEX. TIRED OF THE GRADING AND JUDGEMENT FROM SNOBBY PROFS. THANKFUL FOR THE EDUCATION AND ENLIGHTENMENT. TIRED OF THIS LITTLE POSTAGE STAMP SIZED APARTMENT. THANKFUL FOR MY CANDLES AND NOTEBOOKS. OH THE MIND. MY BEST FRIEND AND WORST ENEMY AT TIMES.

...I just wish I could take my own advice sometimes. I guess that'll come with age.

WILL AGE BRING PEACE OR RAGE?. WILL TRUTH BRING LIGHT OR DARKNESS? CAN I EVER TRUST SOMEONE ENOUGH TO HAND OVER MY HEART? OR WILL I'LL BE OLD AND ALONE AT THE END OF MY LIFE?

..It would be cool to have my own little place of my own. You know? A physical real-world recluse. An actual projection of where I go when things get tough. It would be deep in the forest of course. Surrounded with waterfalls and hidden paths and magical creatures. There would have to be luxurious fountains and little mom and pop diners. Those little spots with food for the soul. And a cool menu I can read about the history of the place on.

Don't really know where the fuck this all came from. But I suppose it being 5 am and having the shittiest sleep schedule ever can bring the crazy out of everyone.

Blog Update.

I added a "blogs I follow" section to the blog. It can be found near the bottom of the page. Just do some scrollin and you'll find yourself there. I try to keep it updated with blogs that are..well...actually used lol. So if a blog on the list becomes inactive for awhile i'll delete it.

peace & love

devon.

My Beautiful Sister And Her Husband On Wedding Day

I'll be posting more pictures from the photographers as I get ahold of them.

Coming across this picure just now..damn my sister was so beautiful that day. Like a porcelain doll.

Super proud little brother!

Babes N Irony

Drake - Hold On We're Going Home (Audio)

Rebellious Curves

Heart-How Can I Refuse

Mmm.

That's like a noise of pleasure..just so i'm clear.

Let me just do that again.

Mmm.

Late Night Musings

I'm only writing this in a public setting because I know people will read-relate-and relax.

Depression is something that comes in various degrees. It can range from day to day moodyness to complete immobility and lack of function. So while I would describe myself as "depressed" lately, it's not necessarily a kind that I find dangerous to myself or others.

I came home from work today and realized how much I wanted to be back. Which is funny because while i'm at work the general vibe is like "let's close up quick" and "let's get out of here fast tonight boys". Which is perfectly understanable. Aside from a slightly bigger paycheque, why be there if you don't have to?

Today we were generally dead. And while I appreciated the unusual slowness of a saturday night, another side of me didn't want to come home. In fact, lately i've been dreading coming home. Home for me is a little apartment. And it's not so much the size. I figure i'd feel this way in a big mansion. Because in a big mansion i'd probably hangout in the room with the computer and t.v anyways. I always found that slightly entertaining about big houses. They have all these "show rooms" that never get used except the ocassional dusting from the maid. Or living rooms with no television? What's up with that?

I digress. I've been feeling down lately. And I really feel it's because i'm lonely. And the really annoying part is I think I exude lonelyness and that might push people away. What person ( guy or girl) wants to hangout with a desperate-for-company person? I have my small group of friends. And I love them but i'm drifting from them. My philosophies and goals in life are changing. And i'm caught in this weird between worlds..I guess a real world purgatory. Where when I reach for my phone..there's nobody to call or text.

The social work program denial plays into it. I don't want to go back to u of w. The thought of walking the halls there and attending classes there is unappealing. I want to be at a new university and I want a fresh start. My family encourages me to get out of the city. It's a gameplan they've been pushing on me for awhile. And lately, that seems like a very logical option. But it needs to be for the right reasons right? Don't run away from our problems right? However, I think being a lonely dude who doesn't see much of a future in Wpg as a pretty good reason.  But where to go?

I have this issue with re-invention. If I am to re-invent myself then it must mean I am not happy with myself. But I like who Devon is. I'm down with myself! So the key seems to lie in the purpose. Do I want to make changes in my life because I feel inadequate? Or is it rather because i'm craving change? And then the key balance. The tap dance between loving oneself and pursuing a new self at the same time. I feel better already, getting a few words down and some frustration out. I know things will pick up. And I should probably book off a weekend close to the end of august. Before classes start and i'm busy with that.

It's funny cause you'd think i'm longing for a woman in my life. But i'd rather not be in a relationship. The idea seems unappealing. And i've written about this before but i'll touch on it again. I feel like i'm in a transition stage not only in life but also in my personality. A relationship means anchors. They are meant more for people who are comfortable with these things. Young couples face a minefield of problems. As we grow and our partners do not include that growth. Those who make it through this time are more products of luck. They walked the same troublesome path and managed to not blow themselves to bits.

We're all walking this troublesome path. And I take a little comfort in the fact that i'm not the only young adult with late-night musings.

I'm taking up kick-boxing in the fall. And despite having to do another couple of terms at u of w..i'm excited for classes.

Well, stay strong and face each new day with an upbeat attitude.

My readers, keep those chins up. Things will get better.

Over and out.

-d.r

Boobs And Reality

Summer Is Half Over

That awkward moment when my mother reads a steamy sex poem of mine. At least I have one fan...

And that is how this blog begins. As I do my usual 2 am writing. All caused by my schedule ( closing) at the restaurant.

Speaking of the restaurant..boy have we been having some trouble keeping good employees. Well, employees at all for that matter. We've gone through quite a few in the past two months. This recent guy is around 40 years old and has another job at boston pizza. It's kind of well known in the restaurant industry that BP is well..just bad. I won't eat there..and i'm serious. I won't eat at BP or Smittys. Sorry for the bad promo boys. There's probably more I could add to that list..ahem..but I won't. But then again you'll catch me at mcdonalds or burger king late at night fucked out of my face. The difference is the expectation and pricing. You see, when I go to mcdonalds or BK I know i'm getting greasy food at a cheap price..and it's quick. At BP they try and convince the guest they are the "experts" on wings. And the pizza sucks..your whole name is Boston Pizza and you can't even get pizza down? Anyways..

Dude is from BP and he's taking on CCBG as a second job. Second-job people always sketch me out. I'm always thinking of where their loyalties lie and if they are going to show up for a shift. You know..cross scheduling and stuff like that. Exhaustion can sometimes rule over money.

This is all irrelevant to why I brought him up. He definitely has some sort of condition..i'm thinking Aspergers. He speaks in such a low voice that I have to turn my ear right up to his face to hear him. And he's completely against any sort of constructive criticism. We're not all bad at CCBG..we're nice when we tell you you're wrong. Just fix the problem. It's like dude! It's your first month! Give yourself some time and absorb knowledge! But nope. Today he threw a clone tantrum to the one he threw the day before. And he's 40 years old. But then again he's 40 years old and making the same amount of money as me...I don't mean to judge. I'm not a judgemental guy. But i'm gonna fucking judge and wonder why you're a basically minimum wage line cook at 40.

(Currently picturing myself at 40 in a nice sports car and bikini clad babe..oh and a yellow lab..there must be a yellow lab)

Is he going to last? Doubt it.

We'll see if he even shows up tomorrow. 

Today I looked for a desk. And by look-I really mean I browsed an antique store looking at cool shit. If I was a woman I'd totally rock an old school vanity set and do my makeup in front of the mirror. Or if I was filming horror that would be a must-have.

Tomorrow i'm getting my eyebrows threaded..yes I "manscape". And I close at the restaurant yet again. Another shift with ------ and so we'll see if I can instill some youthful inspiration in him.

Over and out.

dr

Tired Of Us

I need you to hear this
"Devon..I don't have time for this shit..it's like what?" "What do you even want?"
I want you to hear this poem
“Devon it's like 3 in the morning i'm tired of this shit..i'm tired of us”
“Like fuck you make me out to be this crazy evil bitch”
“But I’m just done Devon...I’m done”
Are you even there?
Devon?

My mind like my hands all intertwined and confined
By a far away memory i'm struggling to see
Late night eyes on the wall same old same old
Night time reservations
In the dark I reach strange destinations
The back alley was alive with the souls drifting home
With full bellies and warm faces
Some getting lucky
Others heading home to a good jam
And a solo cigarette with plenty regret
Regardless, this is how each night played out

I got a chip on my shoulder that feels more like a boulder
Having trouble swallowing the fact i'll never hold her.
Again and again AND AGAIN
so much self destruction amongst my fellow men
I'm staring out my window at a whisper
And covering my eyes as it turns into a yell
Words flying back and forth slicing skin in this hell
Fists fly and little boys cry
I try and shout! I try and try and try
But the little boys they cry
And those fists they fly.

Tired of us.
She says she's tired of us.
Hands clasped
She's standing by the door.
Waiting for something to be said.
Leave
LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE
If you must.
Leave if you must.

Off my chest I wish you the best
But from the bottom of my heart I want a fresh start.
When the breath was heavy
The hugs they were tight.
The love it was fierce
The stars shone bright.
They served to illuminate the night.
This was when we were alive
Before you got tired.
Tired of us.

“Devon. Are you even there man”
“Look up my brother, look where you are”
“The club man! Take a look around”
“Go find yourself a little slut to take home tonight”

With hands at my back.
I caught your eye
And I'm guilty of wanting and not wanting at the same time.
No better than the last.
I'm a well-dressed reminder of the past.
Out to hurt.
Cause she's tired of us.
And i'm tired of this.

But you'll twist those hips.
And i'll put my hands on your body.
With lust first and thought second.
Clothes bundled up in a far away corner of the room.
Passion first.
Perspective later.

“Devon buddy! Saw you heading home with that hottie last night”
“How was it man?”
“You’re not still hung up on -------- are you man?”
What does it matter? She’s tired of us
“Who cares man! You got some didn’t you?”
“Devon?”
“Are you even there?”

Off my chest I wish you the best
But from the bottom of my heart I want a fresh start.
When the breath was heavy
The hugs they were tight.
The love it was fierce
The stars shone bright.
They served to illuminate the night.
This was when we were alive
Before you got tired.
Tired of us.

-d.r

Uh? lol time for bed

Toonz

Confliction

A Look Inside My Notebook

my mama used to pull stunts at the icu, thats overnights
so mama when the sun rises i hope that i see you, with no fights
my drunken eyes can barely make out the lights
i'm choked out on all the wrong things to say
seems pretty clear that i'm close my final day
pray for me mama cause heaven aint far away
i said heaven aint far away
so what you want me say?
i look concerned like are you gonna be ok?
she sighs cause it's just another day
prepping to say i'm fine i'm fine i'm fine
she holds in the pain cause she aint one to whine
i'm one to help
reach out for those lost
chasing dreams with weak schemes
those tears are misguided streams
don't let em flow for these fakes maggots
infesting ingesting these cats are testing my patience
all take and no give
my hands be empty like my stare
spent too much time on those who aint gonna care
besides she resides in a higher place of hope
brought me back to the world and helped me shake off the dope
got me thinking I could be someone
like i could really make some changes on this run

My mind like my hands all intertwined and confined
By a far away memory i'm struggling to see
Late night eyes on the wall same old same old
Night time reservations
In the dark I reach strange destinations
The back alley was alive with the souls drifting home
With full bellies and warm faces
Some getting lucky
Others heading home to a good jam
And a solo cigarette with plenty regret
Regardless, this is how each night played out

I got a chip on my shoulder that feels more like a boulder
Having trouble swallowing the fact i'll never hold her.
Again and again AND AGAIN
so much self destruction amongst my fellow men
I'm staring out my window at a whisper
And covering my eyes as it turns into a yell
Words flying back and forth slicing skin in this hell
Fists fly and little boys cry
I try and shout! I try and try and try
But the little boys they cry
And those fists they fly.

Tired of us.
She says she's tired of us.
Hands clasped
She's out the door.
Waiting for something to be said.
Leave
LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE
if you must.
Leave if you must.

Off my chest I wish you the best
But from the bottom of my heart I want a fresh start.
When the breath was heavy
The hugs they were tight.
The love it was fierce
The stars shone bright.
They served to illuminate the night.
This was when we were alive
Before you got tired.
Tired of us.

with hands at my back.
I caught your eye
And I'm guilty of wanting and not wanting at the same time.
No better than the last.
I'm a well-dressed reminder of the past.
Out to hurt.
Cause she's tired of us.
And i'm tired of this.

-d.r

 

Hip Hop 5 (playlist)