These Things Happen For A Reason

A co-worker of mine is going through a difficult breakup with his girlfriend. It was one of those dreaded "out of nowhere" things. I asked him if he saw it coming at all and he scrunched up his face and said "no"

Perhaps later on down the road he will. I've had people end things with me and I can admit I did not see it coming. But in retrospect, there is always signs.

These things happen for a reason. I'm not an "everything happens for a reason" kind of guy. However, relationships end for a reason.

I pressed him for details. And I'll admit, part of me was concerned and the other part fascinated. These things do have an allure when they are not happening to us. Reality tv..hello?! 

And well, it's just one of those " she's not feeling me anymore" kind of things. My god, that's a tough one to swallow. Because hey, the guy has a heart of gold. And the fact is he's going to go through some stages of self-blame. I just hope he gets out of that funk sooner rather than later.

So i'm sitting on the toilet asking myself this question:

"Would I rather be given a list of things my partner finds wrong with me? OR "Be let down softly but with many unanswered questions?"

I find that topics tend to re-appear on my blog. And we did discuss re-invention of oneself earlier. Should a breakup be used as a tool or motive for re-invention? I know I did some silly stuff after a hard breakup. For example I bought some goofy posters that ended up being taken down in a couple months. Kind of random, I know.

But we can't control how others may feel about us. We have a hard enough time controlling our own emotions. I think the more pressing issue is to recover. Because sadness is a hell of a thing. Your brain is telling you something and it is up to you to make sense of it.

However, every single piece of advice I could give my co-worker is cliche and is written a million times all over the internet. I'm not even going to go there. But I will make a controversial statement. I think females recover from heartbreak faster then males do. I say this because females generally have a larger support systems in place for such an occurence. Let's face it. Males are not always ready to embrace emotions in the same way. I see girls cry all the time for various reasons. Those floodgates get opened often. But a man with a heart of gold who has just lost someone..the main focal point of his life..that's gut wrenching right there.

So while my co-worker forces a smile and jokes around with us to take his mind off things. I know he's instinctively reaching for his phone for that text that's no longer coming. I know he's going online and creeping her activity. I know he has pictures of her that he's holding at night and shedding tears that nobody sees. And the worst of it all is that he may feel alone in those moments. There's no group of guys coming over for hugs and chocolate and movies. There's no " i'm here for you..xoxox" messages.

As men, we have to deal with our pain in the hardest way..by ourselves.

Thanks for reading.

peace & love

devon