A Look Inside My Notebook

my mama used to pull stunts at the icu, thats overnights
so mama when the sun rises i hope that i see you, with no fights
my drunken eyes can barely make out the lights
i'm choked out on all the wrong things to say
seems pretty clear that i'm close my final day
pray for me mama cause heaven aint far away
i said heaven aint far away
so what you want me say?
i look concerned like are you gonna be ok?
she sighs cause it's just another day
prepping to say i'm fine i'm fine i'm fine
she holds in the pain cause she aint one to whine
i'm one to help
reach out for those lost
chasing dreams with weak schemes
those tears are misguided streams
don't let em flow for these fakes maggots
infesting ingesting these cats are testing my patience
all take and no give
my hands be empty like my stare
spent too much time on those who aint gonna care
besides she resides in a higher place of hope
brought me back to the world and helped me shake off the dope
got me thinking I could be someone
like i could really make some changes on this run

My mind like my hands all intertwined and confined
By a far away memory i'm struggling to see
Late night eyes on the wall same old same old
Night time reservations
In the dark I reach strange destinations
The back alley was alive with the souls drifting home
With full bellies and warm faces
Some getting lucky
Others heading home to a good jam
And a solo cigarette with plenty regret
Regardless, this is how each night played out

I got a chip on my shoulder that feels more like a boulder
Having trouble swallowing the fact i'll never hold her.
Again and again AND AGAIN
so much self destruction amongst my fellow men
I'm staring out my window at a whisper
And covering my eyes as it turns into a yell
Words flying back and forth slicing skin in this hell
Fists fly and little boys cry
I try and shout! I try and try and try
But the little boys they cry
And those fists they fly.

Tired of us.
She says she's tired of us.
Hands clasped
She's out the door.
Waiting for something to be said.
Leave
LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE
if you must.
Leave if you must.

Off my chest I wish you the best
But from the bottom of my heart I want a fresh start.
When the breath was heavy
The hugs they were tight.
The love it was fierce
The stars shone bright.
They served to illuminate the night.
This was when we were alive
Before you got tired.
Tired of us.

with hands at my back.
I caught your eye
And I'm guilty of wanting and not wanting at the same time.
No better than the last.
I'm a well-dressed reminder of the past.
Out to hurt.
Cause she's tired of us.
And i'm tired of this.

-d.r