Ok, storytime.
When I was a young little guy my father was often out of town. As a top-ranking member of the military, he often found himself in Ottawa for conferences and such. Anyways, we decided to go "babysitter shopping" which involved literally looking through a large handbook of potential employees.
We decided on "Mrs Smith" She must have had a first name but as a young child this of course meant nothing to me. She was simply "Mrs Smith" to me.
"Mrs Smith" was quite an older women with a chain-smoking problem. I remember her at one point vividly describing the horrible conditions of her lungs. "One is covered with tar" as she put it. And she often found herself bending over in fits of coughing and hacking. Literally dying before my young eyes. Effectively removing any possibility of me being a smoker later in life.
The few times we did go to her house it was covered with stale cigarette smoke. But boy-did that house have it's treasures. So many little trinkets and dolls. I was in heaven. I came across a caveman doll and took a liking to it.
The caveman doll was unlike anything i've ever seen. It had a long beard that went down to it's feet. And upon lifting the beard. There was a penis with full pubic hair. Yes-you heard that right. I had found one of the strangest dolls in her house. And "Mrs Smith" let me take it home.
I mean from here you would expect a crap ton of funny stories of me prancing around with my caveman doll. But I was largely uninterested in it's hairy dick. I mean..I had a super nintendo.
But you can probably guess that it raised my fathers eyebrows. And one day-the doll was gone. It had dissapeared very conveniantly. And even at a young age I knew it was because of the cavemans nudity. And my father was somehow worried I would maybe play with his dick or maybe suck his dick. Maybe become obsessed with penis's and go on to suck real men's penis's.
I never did. But I understood at a young age the negative attitudes towards homosexuality. And later, the entire LGTBQ community.
The naked caveman taught me.
And I'm pretty sure "Mrs Smith" has passed. Rest In Peace...
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Friday, June 28, 2013
The Mental Break
Nowadays I've been taking a much more chill approach to life. And one of the ways i've dealt with shitty people is by taking a "mental break" before choosing to respond.
A "mental break" is simply a break taken by the mind. A quick breather before I engage in furthur conversation. This takes about 2 seconds.
There are shitty people, and then there are people having a shitty day. I find both are just looking for confrontation. Especially in kitchen work, the stress of the job tends to bring out the worst in people. That stress also tends to bring out personal issues one is having.
There's this one girl at my work. And I'll put it straight..I don't like her. She's the type of person i wouldn't hang around with. And I generally find her attitude to be stinky. Her stories suck. She's always telling me about her life-which I don't care about. And when it comes to the kitchen getting busy she's a mess of stress and anger. And most of that stress and anger gets projected onto the people she shares a station with. (ME). But she's inspired me to look at how I deal with people.
You see, this same girl came into work a couple months back with a busted up ear. Now, she said she fell. But I highly doubt that. It was pretty clear she was hit. And it just so happened at the time she was breaking up with her boyfriend and moving back into her mothers house. Mid-twenties and back in the mothers house. Abusive shithead boyfriend. No real education besides highschool. Not such a great life going for her.
So perspective must be taken into why she's so callous and hard to be around sometimes. Even just a week ago she told me she's on anti-psychosis pills for anxiety attacks. So things aren't exactly peachy for her at the moment.
And this goes for a lot of people who are acting shitty or are generally shitty people. There IS a back story in 99 percent of the cases. So my mental break takes this into account. It's my goal to avoid confrontation I see as meaningless. And confrontation that plays into the hands of someone who is looking for a fight/argument.
A lot of people place value in the ego. But I find one's ego gets in the way most of the time. You see, it's not about winning or losing. I make sacrifices for the people I care about. If someone I care about is upset, I will make an effort to discover why. If it's something I did..then we'll explore that. I don't find that the ego is any good when applied to our relationships or casual interactions with co-workers/ aquaintances. What's to prove? These people mean little or nothing to you. In fact, may as well be full of shit.
May as well be full of shit to co-workers cause you're gonna be stuck with them for 8hour shifts at times. And so you may as well pretend to give a shit about their aunt linda's thyroid problem. And you may have to politely decline their invitation to play magic cards in their basement suite. But i find being full of shit is harmless as long as you're not deceiving/hurting others.
Little white lies, as my father once said, are necessary sometimes.
The mental break takes some practice. We are quick to respond in anger/frustration/etc. This is our natural instinct. But slowing this down on a psychological level can be very beneficial. As I type this in the wee hours of the morning I can hear drunken yells and hollers. A fight perhaps? The mental break becomes harder when intoxicated.
And here is where the blog becomes a rambling mess. I'm not going anywhere near the mental state of someone is who drunk or high on drugs. That's a different blog alltogether.
peace & love
A "mental break" is simply a break taken by the mind. A quick breather before I engage in furthur conversation. This takes about 2 seconds.
There are shitty people, and then there are people having a shitty day. I find both are just looking for confrontation. Especially in kitchen work, the stress of the job tends to bring out the worst in people. That stress also tends to bring out personal issues one is having.
There's this one girl at my work. And I'll put it straight..I don't like her. She's the type of person i wouldn't hang around with. And I generally find her attitude to be stinky. Her stories suck. She's always telling me about her life-which I don't care about. And when it comes to the kitchen getting busy she's a mess of stress and anger. And most of that stress and anger gets projected onto the people she shares a station with. (ME). But she's inspired me to look at how I deal with people.
You see, this same girl came into work a couple months back with a busted up ear. Now, she said she fell. But I highly doubt that. It was pretty clear she was hit. And it just so happened at the time she was breaking up with her boyfriend and moving back into her mothers house. Mid-twenties and back in the mothers house. Abusive shithead boyfriend. No real education besides highschool. Not such a great life going for her.
So perspective must be taken into why she's so callous and hard to be around sometimes. Even just a week ago she told me she's on anti-psychosis pills for anxiety attacks. So things aren't exactly peachy for her at the moment.
And this goes for a lot of people who are acting shitty or are generally shitty people. There IS a back story in 99 percent of the cases. So my mental break takes this into account. It's my goal to avoid confrontation I see as meaningless. And confrontation that plays into the hands of someone who is looking for a fight/argument.
A lot of people place value in the ego. But I find one's ego gets in the way most of the time. You see, it's not about winning or losing. I make sacrifices for the people I care about. If someone I care about is upset, I will make an effort to discover why. If it's something I did..then we'll explore that. I don't find that the ego is any good when applied to our relationships or casual interactions with co-workers/ aquaintances. What's to prove? These people mean little or nothing to you. In fact, may as well be full of shit.
May as well be full of shit to co-workers cause you're gonna be stuck with them for 8hour shifts at times. And so you may as well pretend to give a shit about their aunt linda's thyroid problem. And you may have to politely decline their invitation to play magic cards in their basement suite. But i find being full of shit is harmless as long as you're not deceiving/hurting others.
Little white lies, as my father once said, are necessary sometimes.
The mental break takes some practice. We are quick to respond in anger/frustration/etc. This is our natural instinct. But slowing this down on a psychological level can be very beneficial. As I type this in the wee hours of the morning I can hear drunken yells and hollers. A fight perhaps? The mental break becomes harder when intoxicated.
And here is where the blog becomes a rambling mess. I'm not going anywhere near the mental state of someone is who drunk or high on drugs. That's a different blog alltogether.
peace & love
Thursday, June 27, 2013
thought blurb
can't help but think that this whole native vs white thing is supported by the government.
papers such of the sun are overtly racist and biased in their reporting.
and it seems like a suitable distraction as the government collectivally fucks us all over.
keep them distracted and afraid of one another.
because could you imagine if racism was completely eliminated and both races worked together?
it would be the governments worst nightmare.
this power is in reach.
but we need to realize that race warefare is an illusion set up by the government.
and class warfare is what we're really fighting.
papers such of the sun are overtly racist and biased in their reporting.
and it seems like a suitable distraction as the government collectivally fucks us all over.
keep them distracted and afraid of one another.
because could you imagine if racism was completely eliminated and both races worked together?
it would be the governments worst nightmare.
this power is in reach.
but we need to realize that race warefare is an illusion set up by the government.
and class warfare is what we're really fighting.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Changing Time's
Coming across an old face you haven't seen in awhile.
And that realization-damn time's have changed.
But at the very least I'm thrilled about it.
The changes have been good.
And time's are great.
I don't sit by that dusty old record player anymore.
I don't play those old songs.
Look through those painful pictures.
I've moved on.
So I wish everyone the best of luck.
As life throws us down this hectic river.
Here's hoping that you all can keep those heads above water.
A toast to becoming adults.
And finding ourselves amongst this whole crazy beautiful mess we call life.
And that realization-damn time's have changed.
But at the very least I'm thrilled about it.
The changes have been good.
And time's are great.
I don't sit by that dusty old record player anymore.
I don't play those old songs.
Look through those painful pictures.
I've moved on.
So I wish everyone the best of luck.
As life throws us down this hectic river.
Here's hoping that you all can keep those heads above water.
A toast to becoming adults.
And finding ourselves amongst this whole crazy beautiful mess we call life.
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Sometimes.
Sometimes I do try and write about you. But it comes out too much like erotic literature. And I figure those are just words I can whisper in your ear on a hot night.
Can The World Hear Me? (Final Edit)
Alright, so I'm finally finished this spoken word piece i've been working on. And by "working on" I mean totally avoiding and cheating by inserting old verses kicking around my computer. It's nice to do some "housework" on the laptop and pasting some stuff together has cleared up some of this poetry mess ( which is a beautiful mess to have). The only thing that differentiates this "spoken word piece" from a "poem" is essentially the fact i've been practicing it aloud and memorizing it. As opposed to other poems..the verbal delivery of this poem was taken into consideration. Spoken words excites me because it's exciting poetry. And it also gives me a bit more power over how I want the poem to be digested.
There's poetry where I fully support the readers imagination running wild. Others, I have more of a message I want to deliver.
So I bring you:
Can The World Hear Me?
A Spoken Word Piece By Devon Reid
I speak to an audience of stone faced survivors.
Self destructive like concrete nose divers
I know I could lose her.
On the pretense of being a fuck up a boozer.
I know I could lose her.
On the pretense of being being too intense and burning up like incense.
Tryin to set rules it don't gotta make sense.
Love has no bounds so why you tryin to set up a fence?
I don't get it.
Don't sweat it.
I'll be alright as I walk solo into the dark night.
Smile a forgotten light.
Amongst darkness
I felt this
A soft kiss
A strong miss
A cross held between fingers.
Faith tested by cruel waters and cruel daughters.
At the end of my road I saw her.
She brought me back.
And I deliver this lyrical attack to remind y'all I was never wack.
So can the world just hear me?
Listen to my words and verbs.
Can the world just hear me?
Listen to the lines and rhymes.
Can the world just hear me?
I want my foes to fear me
Judging eyes to clear me.
So I can walk a free man.
So I can gain a new fan in a little kid sitting with a blank notebook a soon to be hopebook
A soon to be recluse and reservation away from a forced destination.
Cause in this world we don't see our dreams played out
We take what they give and form our own route.
We don't always have the power to chase individual schemes.
But if we come together as one then we can attain bigger dreams.
So can the world just hear me?
Listen to my words and verbs.
Can the world just hear me?
Listen to the lines and rhymes.
Can the world just hear me?
Got a rail maybe you should grind it
rather than put it up your nose dreaming of cash and hoes
i'm the wilted rose that rose
to greatness avoiding lateness and fakeness
you've shown yourself as a flakey fake
with only yourself on your mind
solo dolo on your grind
which means when the shit gets heavy
you gonna bleed out by yourself in that chevy
they say life is a gamble..
so why you spending your hard earned time with those cats?
gonna find yourself doing some petty crime leading to hard time
much easier to raise your son
pull em up from the dark and let em shine
make em realize that this aint no life you lead
tell him to rise and lead him away from this path you despise.
I just want the world to hear me
The words and verbs
The lines and rhymes
Can the world just hear me?
The world to hear
The world to hear
The world to hear my voice....
Yeah, the worlds cold.
Even colder as you're getting older
Can't come up with the cash struggling to pass
Trying to be someone before it's all over
Desensitized to the violence
It don't make me catch my breath
Staring in the mirror realizing i'm cold to death.
Hand thru my hair trying to care
But it's ratatat everyday so what you want me to say
Faces come and go
In and out of jail cause they wanna grow
A little weed
But that gets in the way of corporate greed
I'm here to say i'm not fucking down with harper
Conservative thought old and prone to rot
Seems to be coming apart at the seams
You aint prime homie
You tell me touching a child is less wild than smoking a joint
so whats the point
innocent children face prying hands while you fufill the political demands
shutting down our lakes along with your fakes
claiming our water motherfucka you'se a sucka
fuck your racist agenda
pamela george screaming from her grave
she wants to save those ahead of her
that may die in the grass while a couple jocks get the pass
like that wasn;t a life lost
forgotten like the early morning frost
I hold fate in my hands and it burns
Candle handle future i wanna blank out
Grumbling bellies while banks enjoy the cash out
It's like whoa
They don't teach us shit.
Cept drinking coors light and getting low.
I don't know the answers.
Just that the fam and I stay alright ok? we stay tight
I say that cause we out tonight.
And those mean glares gonna find you inna fight.
And I wish you the best.
Really, off the chest I wish y'all the best.
Cause you gonna need jesus christ behind you to fuck with my crew.
Open your ears
Listen to my fears.
Open those eyessss
Look at my tears.
Just want the world to hear me.
Want the world to hear my voice.
There's poetry where I fully support the readers imagination running wild. Others, I have more of a message I want to deliver.
So I bring you:
Can The World Hear Me?
A Spoken Word Piece By Devon Reid
I speak to an audience of stone faced survivors.
Self destructive like concrete nose divers
I know I could lose her.
On the pretense of being a fuck up a boozer.
I know I could lose her.
On the pretense of being being too intense and burning up like incense.
Tryin to set rules it don't gotta make sense.
Love has no bounds so why you tryin to set up a fence?
I don't get it.
Don't sweat it.
I'll be alright as I walk solo into the dark night.
Smile a forgotten light.
Amongst darkness
I felt this
A soft kiss
A strong miss
A cross held between fingers.
Faith tested by cruel waters and cruel daughters.
At the end of my road I saw her.
She brought me back.
And I deliver this lyrical attack to remind y'all I was never wack.
So can the world just hear me?
Listen to my words and verbs.
Can the world just hear me?
Listen to the lines and rhymes.
Can the world just hear me?
I want my foes to fear me
Judging eyes to clear me.
So I can walk a free man.
So I can gain a new fan in a little kid sitting with a blank notebook a soon to be hopebook
A soon to be recluse and reservation away from a forced destination.
Cause in this world we don't see our dreams played out
We take what they give and form our own route.
We don't always have the power to chase individual schemes.
But if we come together as one then we can attain bigger dreams.
So can the world just hear me?
Listen to my words and verbs.
Can the world just hear me?
Listen to the lines and rhymes.
Can the world just hear me?
Got a rail maybe you should grind it
rather than put it up your nose dreaming of cash and hoes
i'm the wilted rose that rose
to greatness avoiding lateness and fakeness
you've shown yourself as a flakey fake
with only yourself on your mind
solo dolo on your grind
which means when the shit gets heavy
you gonna bleed out by yourself in that chevy
they say life is a gamble..
so why you spending your hard earned time with those cats?
gonna find yourself doing some petty crime leading to hard time
much easier to raise your son
pull em up from the dark and let em shine
make em realize that this aint no life you lead
tell him to rise and lead him away from this path you despise.
I just want the world to hear me
The words and verbs
The lines and rhymes
Can the world just hear me?
The world to hear
The world to hear
The world to hear my voice....
Yeah, the worlds cold.
Even colder as you're getting older
Can't come up with the cash struggling to pass
Trying to be someone before it's all over
Desensitized to the violence
It don't make me catch my breath
Staring in the mirror realizing i'm cold to death.
Hand thru my hair trying to care
But it's ratatat everyday so what you want me to say
Faces come and go
In and out of jail cause they wanna grow
A little weed
But that gets in the way of corporate greed
I'm here to say i'm not fucking down with harper
Conservative thought old and prone to rot
Seems to be coming apart at the seams
You aint prime homie
You tell me touching a child is less wild than smoking a joint
so whats the point
innocent children face prying hands while you fufill the political demands
shutting down our lakes along with your fakes
claiming our water motherfucka you'se a sucka
fuck your racist agenda
pamela george screaming from her grave
she wants to save those ahead of her
that may die in the grass while a couple jocks get the pass
like that wasn;t a life lost
forgotten like the early morning frost
I hold fate in my hands and it burns
Candle handle future i wanna blank out
Grumbling bellies while banks enjoy the cash out
It's like whoa
They don't teach us shit.
Cept drinking coors light and getting low.
I don't know the answers.
Just that the fam and I stay alright ok? we stay tight
I say that cause we out tonight.
And those mean glares gonna find you inna fight.
And I wish you the best.
Really, off the chest I wish y'all the best.
Cause you gonna need jesus christ behind you to fuck with my crew.
Open your ears
Listen to my fears.
Open those eyessss
Look at my tears.
Just want the world to hear me.
Want the world to hear my voice.
CCBG Dodgeball
My restaurant showed up in full force for this industry dodgeball event. We had the best attraction. What could be better than drunken slipnslide in the pouring rain?
Earthbound.
I've been on this game pretty hard as of late.
Thanks to my SNES emulator i've been rocking it on my laptop.
Thanks to my SNES emulator i've been rocking it on my laptop.
Friday, June 21, 2013
Thoughts.
I have this fear that my creative writing will get taken too literally.
Anyways, I had a dream the other night..well more like a nightmare. It had me at the airport going to my sisters wedding. And for some reason I decided to try and smuggle a bunch of weed with me. Anyways, I obviously got caught and this horrifying realization that I was going to miss my sister's wedding dawned on me. I woke up in cold sweat frantic and looking around.
The wedding. I've done my usual start and stop process when it comes to writing about this incoming wedding but perhaps I'll just put it down now.
I'm home after a nice long 8 hour shift. Those shifts I despise at the time but appreciate on my paycheque. As usual I kind of wish I had my girl here to shower and cuddle with. I think i'll do my usual meditation session. Which involves me sitting down and curling up a bit. I position myself so the water is directly above me. Cascading down on me. And then I free my mind of all thought except the water itself. It's remarkable how much mental tension this eases. And after a hectic shift at the restaurant these sessions can last up to 30 mins. And it'll feel more like ten minutes.
Anywayss, the wedding, yes. I'll skip all the usual "I'm super excited" stuff. Because obviously it's exciting to see my sister married. She's a good person and deserves her husband. He's a soft spoken nerdy engineer. I'll skip the usual stuff about weddings. It'll be a great time for me-and this goes back to the whole perspective thing.
Like my night at devotion awhile back. Perspective is something that fascinates me. I had a great time-and an important encounter. Chris on the other hand..dealt with a crying ex girlfriend and that ex-girlfriends friend slapping him in the face. And then the others dealt with chris. Their patience had worn thin with this ex-girlfriend. All within the same walls. And this wedding will be quite the same. My sister hasn't laid eyes on my father in nearly a decade. So what the fuck will be running through her mind? Can you imagine that? I find it insane that my sister will be probably be just as nervous as my OTHER sister who is getting MARRIED. Just to lay eyes on someone! And then my mother-encountering her ex husband of like 20 years..this blog just got real intense.
And me-playing this delicate balance caused by my protective side. I want to protect everyone-but we have a wedding we need to get done. It's breagh's day after all. And I can't just pitch a large class of ice milk into my grandpas face ( a little fantasy caused by his verbal and physical abuse of my mom when she was growing up). No, I have to smile and shake lots of hands and pretend like I care about the whole lot. But I hope there is a certain kind of vibe I can let out. Nothing too overt or extravagant..just a little flash of the eyes.
I know
I want them to know that I know. But this testosterone filled heroic action will not be appreciated. I'm 23 after all..can't be throwing tantrums in a nice suit. Family members come to me with issues and problems. I'm the social worker after all. I'm the listener.
I'm working on a spoken word piece that i'm super excited about. I'm really really excited about it, however I need to change my last stanza entirely. It was a copy and paste thing. I had about 3/4 of the piece done and then pulled slacker and pasted in something from another poem. I have all these unfinished ideas laying around my computer. Some of it I just need to delete. It's a quality over quantity kind of thing.
After checking out tumblr a bit I find myself insanely jealous of the ability to just re-blog things. Maybe I'll make one-probably not. My reason is that it feels like a different format than what i'm used to. My blogs are generally text based. Also, i'm kind of attached to this blog. It's been around awhile. It's change...wahh. I want to kick back up the Prntscrn diaries. just because I feel like being a fucking troublemaker and the internet pisses me off all the time.
blah blah blah
the cool air of the night is nice.
I'm looking forward to saturday. So I can avoid the club and hangout with a girl who drives me crazy in a good way.
peace & love
Anyways, I had a dream the other night..well more like a nightmare. It had me at the airport going to my sisters wedding. And for some reason I decided to try and smuggle a bunch of weed with me. Anyways, I obviously got caught and this horrifying realization that I was going to miss my sister's wedding dawned on me. I woke up in cold sweat frantic and looking around.
The wedding. I've done my usual start and stop process when it comes to writing about this incoming wedding but perhaps I'll just put it down now.
I'm home after a nice long 8 hour shift. Those shifts I despise at the time but appreciate on my paycheque. As usual I kind of wish I had my girl here to shower and cuddle with. I think i'll do my usual meditation session. Which involves me sitting down and curling up a bit. I position myself so the water is directly above me. Cascading down on me. And then I free my mind of all thought except the water itself. It's remarkable how much mental tension this eases. And after a hectic shift at the restaurant these sessions can last up to 30 mins. And it'll feel more like ten minutes.
Anywayss, the wedding, yes. I'll skip all the usual "I'm super excited" stuff. Because obviously it's exciting to see my sister married. She's a good person and deserves her husband. He's a soft spoken nerdy engineer. I'll skip the usual stuff about weddings. It'll be a great time for me-and this goes back to the whole perspective thing.
Like my night at devotion awhile back. Perspective is something that fascinates me. I had a great time-and an important encounter. Chris on the other hand..dealt with a crying ex girlfriend and that ex-girlfriends friend slapping him in the face. And then the others dealt with chris. Their patience had worn thin with this ex-girlfriend. All within the same walls. And this wedding will be quite the same. My sister hasn't laid eyes on my father in nearly a decade. So what the fuck will be running through her mind? Can you imagine that? I find it insane that my sister will be probably be just as nervous as my OTHER sister who is getting MARRIED. Just to lay eyes on someone! And then my mother-encountering her ex husband of like 20 years..this blog just got real intense.
And me-playing this delicate balance caused by my protective side. I want to protect everyone-but we have a wedding we need to get done. It's breagh's day after all. And I can't just pitch a large class of ice milk into my grandpas face ( a little fantasy caused by his verbal and physical abuse of my mom when she was growing up). No, I have to smile and shake lots of hands and pretend like I care about the whole lot. But I hope there is a certain kind of vibe I can let out. Nothing too overt or extravagant..just a little flash of the eyes.
I know
I want them to know that I know. But this testosterone filled heroic action will not be appreciated. I'm 23 after all..can't be throwing tantrums in a nice suit. Family members come to me with issues and problems. I'm the social worker after all. I'm the listener.
I'm working on a spoken word piece that i'm super excited about. I'm really really excited about it, however I need to change my last stanza entirely. It was a copy and paste thing. I had about 3/4 of the piece done and then pulled slacker and pasted in something from another poem. I have all these unfinished ideas laying around my computer. Some of it I just need to delete. It's a quality over quantity kind of thing.
After checking out tumblr a bit I find myself insanely jealous of the ability to just re-blog things. Maybe I'll make one-probably not. My reason is that it feels like a different format than what i'm used to. My blogs are generally text based. Also, i'm kind of attached to this blog. It's been around awhile. It's change...wahh. I want to kick back up the Prntscrn diaries. just because I feel like being a fucking troublemaker and the internet pisses me off all the time.
blah blah blah
the cool air of the night is nice.
I'm looking forward to saturday. So I can avoid the club and hangout with a girl who drives me crazy in a good way.
peace & love
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Dancing With The Devil
Reality is a funny thing. I always seem to have a different perspective on things and then BOOM. Reality comes like a slap in the face and it stings. Usually I have a good hold on things. So I suppose this happens to everyone once in awhile. Do you ever have a completely wrong view on your relationships or philosophies? And all of a sudden it becomes apparent that you we're wrong?
The theme of the past couple months have been humble and unpredictable. But it's rather irrelevant to my life plan. This cold way people live has become my perogative. I want what I want and i'm not letting anyone hold me back. These romantic ideals I used to hold. The hero, the princess, the roses and romance. All seem rather petty considering i've seen the evil side of all those things. I've emotionally exhausted myself before and my relationship with those ideals is quite strained. I question the existence of true connections.
Being jaded sucks because it's quite similar to being bitter. But what I feel doesn't exactly correlate with bitterness. More like "sigh..I should have known". I'm getting older now and the slip-ups of my past are finally beginning to strengthen my future. I know have the voice in my head that protects me. I am my best friend and we pursue things together. In that sense I don't need anyone. Everyone thinks they are in control however, and this goes back to the reality slap-in-the-face I discussed earlier.
"I got this"
"No you don't"
So self-actualization is the key. It's important to be self-critical to a certain point. Because obviously too much criticism of oneself leads to depression and immobilzation. The idea is to use the slap of reality to move forward. How can this benefit me?
Me
Not us
And there lies the difference between a relationship and casually dating someone. The investment in another person is the scary thing. Because once a relationship is formed the decision making process changes to
"How can this benefit us?"
And some thrive off this. It provides structure. They are not alone in this life. Some people need to lean on others. It's not an insult. Although I do find those who jump from relationship to relationship rather weak and petty. Take some time..figure yourself out. But maybe they don't want to. Or maybe it's just right, it's love, and how dare I question it?
Don't want to be the one who never believed in the relationship. That makes for an awkward appearance at the wedding ( if you're even invited) when the couple stands up and toasts the struggles they had to overcome to find themselves at that point. You were the struggle. The negative voices that lurk just around the corner. Wafting into the air just above the cigarette smoke. They exist at the bottom of water coolers and whispered into cell phones.
"They'll never make it"
For the past 6 months or so i've been changing. And part of me wants to fight the change but that part of me is slowly dying away. And lately i've been hungry for more out of life. I've become colder and more driven. I'm in control. But she's also in control. We both want control in this thing. And that is how things should be. As young adults we need to fight for what we want. I hope I never lose this drive.
One thing I do love is hearing her speak. And how passionate she is about life. It's a good combatant to my disillusionment. This whole feeling of being a tiny speck on a tiny planet in an enormous galaxy.
"You just need to find something that inspires you devon, something you're excited about"
She inspires me.
Writing inspires me.
Academics inspire me.
The beauty of the world inspires me.
I think we all have different passions relating to what makes a good movie, book, poem etc. And one of the things that I really enjoy is the idea of a scene. The scenes make up everything. Character development is of course necessary. But the scene, ah the scene.
It's a humid winnipeg night. I'm sitting on the patio of Carlos & Murphys. It's a mexican themed restaurant. I'm sipping on a cold beer staring into the eyes of a beautiful woman. Her hair flows like a river I want to jump into. Her eyes, those eyes. They soften when they look into mine. She's affectionate but could also be harsh. Those eyes could harden and break hearts. I know what she's capable of. I'm dancing with the devil. But I choose these risks because I feel alive this way. I like the unpredictable. The wind picks up and for a moment and my attention shifts to the other inhabitants of the patio. A girl with a cast. A drunken man clasping his friends shoulder and babbling incoherently. I feel I could be anywhere right now. It doesn't need to be Winnipeg. It could be Mexico or a small town in the bible belt.
The theme of the past couple months have been humble and unpredictable. But it's rather irrelevant to my life plan. This cold way people live has become my perogative. I want what I want and i'm not letting anyone hold me back. These romantic ideals I used to hold. The hero, the princess, the roses and romance. All seem rather petty considering i've seen the evil side of all those things. I've emotionally exhausted myself before and my relationship with those ideals is quite strained. I question the existence of true connections.
Being jaded sucks because it's quite similar to being bitter. But what I feel doesn't exactly correlate with bitterness. More like "sigh..I should have known". I'm getting older now and the slip-ups of my past are finally beginning to strengthen my future. I know have the voice in my head that protects me. I am my best friend and we pursue things together. In that sense I don't need anyone. Everyone thinks they are in control however, and this goes back to the reality slap-in-the-face I discussed earlier.
"I got this"
"No you don't"
So self-actualization is the key. It's important to be self-critical to a certain point. Because obviously too much criticism of oneself leads to depression and immobilzation. The idea is to use the slap of reality to move forward. How can this benefit me?
Me
Not us
And there lies the difference between a relationship and casually dating someone. The investment in another person is the scary thing. Because once a relationship is formed the decision making process changes to
"How can this benefit us?"
And some thrive off this. It provides structure. They are not alone in this life. Some people need to lean on others. It's not an insult. Although I do find those who jump from relationship to relationship rather weak and petty. Take some time..figure yourself out. But maybe they don't want to. Or maybe it's just right, it's love, and how dare I question it?
Don't want to be the one who never believed in the relationship. That makes for an awkward appearance at the wedding ( if you're even invited) when the couple stands up and toasts the struggles they had to overcome to find themselves at that point. You were the struggle. The negative voices that lurk just around the corner. Wafting into the air just above the cigarette smoke. They exist at the bottom of water coolers and whispered into cell phones.
"They'll never make it"
For the past 6 months or so i've been changing. And part of me wants to fight the change but that part of me is slowly dying away. And lately i've been hungry for more out of life. I've become colder and more driven. I'm in control. But she's also in control. We both want control in this thing. And that is how things should be. As young adults we need to fight for what we want. I hope I never lose this drive.
One thing I do love is hearing her speak. And how passionate she is about life. It's a good combatant to my disillusionment. This whole feeling of being a tiny speck on a tiny planet in an enormous galaxy.
"You just need to find something that inspires you devon, something you're excited about"
She inspires me.
Writing inspires me.
Academics inspire me.
The beauty of the world inspires me.
I think we all have different passions relating to what makes a good movie, book, poem etc. And one of the things that I really enjoy is the idea of a scene. The scenes make up everything. Character development is of course necessary. But the scene, ah the scene.
It's a humid winnipeg night. I'm sitting on the patio of Carlos & Murphys. It's a mexican themed restaurant. I'm sipping on a cold beer staring into the eyes of a beautiful woman. Her hair flows like a river I want to jump into. Her eyes, those eyes. They soften when they look into mine. She's affectionate but could also be harsh. Those eyes could harden and break hearts. I know what she's capable of. I'm dancing with the devil. But I choose these risks because I feel alive this way. I like the unpredictable. The wind picks up and for a moment and my attention shifts to the other inhabitants of the patio. A girl with a cast. A drunken man clasping his friends shoulder and babbling incoherently. I feel I could be anywhere right now. It doesn't need to be Winnipeg. It could be Mexico or a small town in the bible belt.
Divas
Ok I have this thing where I enjoy the idea of the "Diva". Aka women who can actually sing live and sound decent while doing it.
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Don't Place Me With Them
I came across an old zine from a class project and within I found one of my favourite poems i've read in awhile. The author chooses to remain unknown.
And I think this sums up how I've been feeling lately. This frustration of the evils of the world. And how badly I want to protect her. As a child I used to fantasize about saving my crush from a band of thugs. I wonder how many other young boys had such romantic ideals. And how much of that has formed my writing style to this day. With no furthur disruption..I bring you:
Don't Place Me With Them
Written by 198three
Don't place me with them, the fucked in the head, the sick and twisted, the better off dead.
Don't place me with them, the rapists and freaks, the sexual harassers, and bar stool creeps.
Don't place me with them, the daughter thieves, the porn addicts, and watch you leaves.
Don't place me with them, the love laced lies, the horrible dates, and molested thighs.
Don't place me with them, the drunken asses, the haters, the players, the late night passes.
Don't place me with them, the ex's, the fathers, the nightmares, the cousins, the late night callers.
Don't place me with them, the neck tattoos, the grabbing your ass while they order their booze.
Don't place me with them, the fresh out of jail, the hungry eyes, the ready to bail.
Don't place me with them, the nasty wife-beaters, the kickers, the punchers, the wedding night cheaters.
Don't place me with them, the sleazy cat-callers, the slappers, and grinders, and club night hollers.
Don't place me with them, the child molestors, the bad experiences, the patience testers.
Don't place me with them, the dark alley fights, the perverts, the pimps, the stealing your rights.
Don't place me with them, the big company Misters, the capitalists, the sellers, the rich ass kissers.
Don't place me with them, because i'm on your side, I have a penis, but i'm not full of pride.
I hold the door and let you pass, but not here for your number or to stare at your ass.
You have to be careful, on guard for attack, but i'm here to support and watch your back.
So maybe I'm different, or a hidden gem, but next time you see me, don't place me with them.
And I think this sums up how I've been feeling lately. This frustration of the evils of the world. And how badly I want to protect her. As a child I used to fantasize about saving my crush from a band of thugs. I wonder how many other young boys had such romantic ideals. And how much of that has formed my writing style to this day. With no furthur disruption..I bring you:
Don't Place Me With Them
Written by 198three
Don't place me with them, the fucked in the head, the sick and twisted, the better off dead.
Don't place me with them, the rapists and freaks, the sexual harassers, and bar stool creeps.
Don't place me with them, the daughter thieves, the porn addicts, and watch you leaves.
Don't place me with them, the love laced lies, the horrible dates, and molested thighs.
Don't place me with them, the drunken asses, the haters, the players, the late night passes.
Don't place me with them, the ex's, the fathers, the nightmares, the cousins, the late night callers.
Don't place me with them, the neck tattoos, the grabbing your ass while they order their booze.
Don't place me with them, the fresh out of jail, the hungry eyes, the ready to bail.
Don't place me with them, the nasty wife-beaters, the kickers, the punchers, the wedding night cheaters.
Don't place me with them, the sleazy cat-callers, the slappers, and grinders, and club night hollers.
Don't place me with them, the child molestors, the bad experiences, the patience testers.
Don't place me with them, the dark alley fights, the perverts, the pimps, the stealing your rights.
Don't place me with them, the big company Misters, the capitalists, the sellers, the rich ass kissers.
Don't place me with them, because i'm on your side, I have a penis, but i'm not full of pride.
I hold the door and let you pass, but not here for your number or to stare at your ass.
You have to be careful, on guard for attack, but i'm here to support and watch your back.
So maybe I'm different, or a hidden gem, but next time you see me, don't place me with them.
Can The World Hear Me?
I speak to an audience of stone faced survivors.
Self destructive like concrete nose divers
I know I could lose her.
On the pretense of being a fuck up a boozer.
I know I could lose her.
On the pretense of being being too intense and burning up like incense.
Tryin to set rules it don't gotta make sense.
Love has no bounds so why you tryin to set up a fence?
I don't get it.
Don't sweat it.
I'll be alright as I walk solo into the dark night.
Smile a forgotten light.
Amongst darkness
I felt this
A soft kiss
A strong miss
A cross held between fingers.
Faith tested by cruel waters and cruel daughters.
At the end of my road I saw her.
She brought me back.
And I deliver this lyrical attack to remind y'all I was never wack.
So can the world just hear me?
Listen to my words and verbs.
Can the world just hear me?
Listen to the lines and rhymes.
Can the world just hear me?
I want my foes to fear me
Judging eyes to clear me.
So I can walk a free man.
So I can gain a new fan in a little kid sitting with a blank notebook a soon to be hopebook
A soon to be recluse and reservation away from a forced destination.
Cause in this world we don't see our dreams played out
We take what they give and form our own route.
We don't always have the power to chase individual schemes.
But if we come together as one then we can attain bigger dreams.
So can the world just hear me?
Listen to my words and verbs.
Can the world just hear me?
Listen to the lines and rhymes.
Can the world just hear me?
Got a rail maybe you should grind it
rather than put it up your nose dreaming of cash and hoes
i'm the wilted rose that rose
to greatness avoiding lateness and fakeness
you've shown yourself as a flakey fake
with only yourself on your mind
solo dolo on your grind
which means when the shit gets heavy
you gonna bleed out by yourself in that chevy
they say life is a gamble..
so why you spending your hard earned time with those cats?
gonna find yourself doing some petty crime leading to hard time
much easier to raise your son
pull em up from the dark and let em shine
make em realize that this aint no life you lead
tell him to rise and lead him away from this path you despise.
I just want the world to hear me
The words and verbs
The lines and rhymes
Can the world just hear me?
The world to hear
The world to hear
The world to hear my voice....
Self destructive like concrete nose divers
I know I could lose her.
On the pretense of being a fuck up a boozer.
I know I could lose her.
On the pretense of being being too intense and burning up like incense.
Tryin to set rules it don't gotta make sense.
Love has no bounds so why you tryin to set up a fence?
I don't get it.
Don't sweat it.
I'll be alright as I walk solo into the dark night.
Smile a forgotten light.
Amongst darkness
I felt this
A soft kiss
A strong miss
A cross held between fingers.
Faith tested by cruel waters and cruel daughters.
At the end of my road I saw her.
She brought me back.
And I deliver this lyrical attack to remind y'all I was never wack.
So can the world just hear me?
Listen to my words and verbs.
Can the world just hear me?
Listen to the lines and rhymes.
Can the world just hear me?
I want my foes to fear me
Judging eyes to clear me.
So I can walk a free man.
So I can gain a new fan in a little kid sitting with a blank notebook a soon to be hopebook
A soon to be recluse and reservation away from a forced destination.
Cause in this world we don't see our dreams played out
We take what they give and form our own route.
We don't always have the power to chase individual schemes.
But if we come together as one then we can attain bigger dreams.
So can the world just hear me?
Listen to my words and verbs.
Can the world just hear me?
Listen to the lines and rhymes.
Can the world just hear me?
Got a rail maybe you should grind it
rather than put it up your nose dreaming of cash and hoes
i'm the wilted rose that rose
to greatness avoiding lateness and fakeness
you've shown yourself as a flakey fake
with only yourself on your mind
solo dolo on your grind
which means when the shit gets heavy
you gonna bleed out by yourself in that chevy
they say life is a gamble..
so why you spending your hard earned time with those cats?
gonna find yourself doing some petty crime leading to hard time
much easier to raise your son
pull em up from the dark and let em shine
make em realize that this aint no life you lead
tell him to rise and lead him away from this path you despise.
I just want the world to hear me
The words and verbs
The lines and rhymes
Can the world just hear me?
The world to hear
The world to hear
The world to hear my voice....
Ceremonials
I hope everyone is having a beautiful start to their day. Some florence for you as we drift into 2K hits on this blog. Peace & Love
Monday, June 17, 2013
She Can Get The Lay Up All Night
My god..a sunny sky and no work. Salute to Zeus the weather god for all this.
Guess i'll be picking up some sunscreen on my way to the park. My necks all done peeling. I don't feel any different after shedding all this skin.
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Ok Ok Mayer
This guy has set such a mellow tone on my day. Going to have a couple of my usual sunday beers and go for a walk. Why do walks make us feel better? My theory is they simulate the passing of time. As nomatic creatures we used to travel long distances. So on this walk perhaps I can convince myself i'm returning on a hunting trip. And i'm carrying a huge sack of meat. And i'm going to soon make glorious love to my cavewomen wife. And i'll get to hold my cavekids and enjoy a lavish meal with all my friends. Walk on my friends...
Daily Beauty
Oh life can be so wonderfully frustrating and beautiful at the same time. This is just a poem about life. Which is basically every poem in some form. The idea of daily beauty came to me from the fuzzy feeling certain situations give me. And this happens everywhere I go. Sometimes we are just so head down-going about our day. We don't spend time to appreciate the little things in life that are beautiful. This is a poem recognizing those simple things that make my life beautiful.
Daily Beauty.
A son grips the trophy with pride.
A father grips his heart with tears in his eyes.
A daughter grows into a woman.
A mother grips her grandchildren with love in her eyes.
A tree rises high in the worst circumstances.
A mother cat licks her kin.
A tree flourishes in the sun.
While a chirping bird is born in it's arms.
Daily beauty is a smile on a blinds mans face.
As he breathes in the smell of his favourite meal.
Daily beauty is the glance we shared as we passed.
And the pause and turn we both did.
Beauty was the courage I had to ask you on a date.
And beauty was you turning me down cause you're broken.
Beauty is me understanding because I felt the same way once.
Beauty is shared pain and the unification to be stronger people.
Beauty is a mother braiding her daugthers hair.
With innocent eyes she views the world.
Heart yet to be broken.
She's cuddled now.
Unfortunately later she's commodified.
Judged on the tight top and breast size.
Beauty is lips on a scuffed knee.
A tussle of the hair.
A pat on the back.
Recovery leading to a re-emergence in the world.
Beauty is an addict defeating the odds.
Proving to the world there is strength in resolution.
Beauty is a deadbeat dad leaving the scene.
And a family coming together despite the odds.
Beauty is the son growing into a man.
Eye to eye now he can see that man is simply a child in big clothes.
Overgrown shoes for an overgrown ego.
Beauty is quivering hands wiping away tears.
Beauty is the strength to move on.
To pick yourself up and brush off the shoulders.
Head held high cause you're fucking moving on.
Beauty is an empty bottle cast aside.
Waking up with a pounding headache.
Staring into the mirror.
A single tear down the face.
Beauty is realization.
Beauty is yoga in the park amidst tear gas and rubber bullets
Beauty is a couples embrace amongst riot police.
Beauty is the fact I could go on forever.
And still the worlds beauty could never be contained.
Never amounted to anything.
Limitless.
My love for you...
Beauty is the clink of two glasses filled with the finest merlot.
And that sultry gaze across the candelit table.
Damn girl...
Beauty is you.
Thanks for reading.
Peace and love.
-Devon
Daily Beauty.
A son grips the trophy with pride.
A father grips his heart with tears in his eyes.
A daughter grows into a woman.
A mother grips her grandchildren with love in her eyes.
A tree rises high in the worst circumstances.
A mother cat licks her kin.
A tree flourishes in the sun.
While a chirping bird is born in it's arms.
Daily beauty is a smile on a blinds mans face.
As he breathes in the smell of his favourite meal.
Daily beauty is the glance we shared as we passed.
And the pause and turn we both did.
Beauty was the courage I had to ask you on a date.
And beauty was you turning me down cause you're broken.
Beauty is me understanding because I felt the same way once.
Beauty is shared pain and the unification to be stronger people.
Beauty is a mother braiding her daugthers hair.
With innocent eyes she views the world.
Heart yet to be broken.
She's cuddled now.
Unfortunately later she's commodified.
Judged on the tight top and breast size.
Beauty is lips on a scuffed knee.
A tussle of the hair.
A pat on the back.
Recovery leading to a re-emergence in the world.
Beauty is an addict defeating the odds.
Proving to the world there is strength in resolution.
Beauty is a deadbeat dad leaving the scene.
And a family coming together despite the odds.
Beauty is the son growing into a man.
Eye to eye now he can see that man is simply a child in big clothes.
Overgrown shoes for an overgrown ego.
Beauty is quivering hands wiping away tears.
Beauty is the strength to move on.
To pick yourself up and brush off the shoulders.
Head held high cause you're fucking moving on.
Beauty is an empty bottle cast aside.
Waking up with a pounding headache.
Staring into the mirror.
A single tear down the face.
Beauty is realization.
Beauty is yoga in the park amidst tear gas and rubber bullets
Beauty is a couples embrace amongst riot police.
Beauty is the fact I could go on forever.
And still the worlds beauty could never be contained.
Never amounted to anything.
Limitless.
My love for you...
Beauty is the clink of two glasses filled with the finest merlot.
And that sultry gaze across the candelit table.
Damn girl...
Beauty is you.
Thanks for reading.
Peace and love.
-Devon
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Art meets Art (The Walk Series)
You ever leave the house with no destination in mind?
Took a walk the other night and the experience inspired me
to write this poem,
It doesn't take much to inspire me. Or maybe it takes the whole world and a little bit of luck on the side to inspire me.
Who knows, but I sat down and wrote this one on my phone. Thankfully I had it on me. It's my generation's notebook.
Took this walk the other day.
The night sky waving branches like angry fists.
I have the hoodie up, head down, looking for a fight.
Thinking about my friend, a sweetheart.
So girl why'd you play him like that.
Now he's jaded to love like nothing good could come from it.
Security lights come alive at my approach like awakening eyes.
So I quicken my pace. Let me walk through all the alleys and illuminate the town..
Dodging dirty puddles with reflections of urban expansion.
Let the colours of fuel follow me on my journey.
I walk into town.
Passing the long line at the liquor store and ending up in the much-less-crowded art store.
And that's where magic happens.
Watch the writer meet the singer.
Watch the sculptor meet the painter.
Art meets art.
What a thing, contrary to when a boozer meets a boozer.
What comes of that is a chaotic household with a high threshold for violence.
Old friends play on my memory.
Because those lifeless eyes are hard to let go.
So dim. No light.
No more struggle. They gave up the fight.
Bottle tipping. Drug intaking.
Things really distorted lately.
Things not the same after a couple bumps and bruises.
Couple heartbreaks too many.
Leaving us walking around town, hands stuffed in our coats.
Nobody looking into eachothers eyes.
Nobody taking the risk of getting lost in another.
Walks are nothing new to me.
I'm a sag and I have two choices.
Fight or run.
And I don't trust myself with this quivering arrow.
Was never a good shot at meeting people.
So I run down these alleys.
Hoping to meet the right girl.
So art can meet art.
Tongue can meet tongue.
And i'll find salvation from the cold walk of life in your embrace.
Took a walk the other night and the experience inspired me
to write this poem,
It doesn't take much to inspire me. Or maybe it takes the whole world and a little bit of luck on the side to inspire me.
Who knows, but I sat down and wrote this one on my phone. Thankfully I had it on me. It's my generation's notebook.
Took this walk the other day.
The night sky waving branches like angry fists.
I have the hoodie up, head down, looking for a fight.
Thinking about my friend, a sweetheart.
So girl why'd you play him like that.
Now he's jaded to love like nothing good could come from it.
Security lights come alive at my approach like awakening eyes.
So I quicken my pace. Let me walk through all the alleys and illuminate the town..
Dodging dirty puddles with reflections of urban expansion.
Let the colours of fuel follow me on my journey.
I walk into town.
Passing the long line at the liquor store and ending up in the much-less-crowded art store.
And that's where magic happens.
Watch the writer meet the singer.
Watch the sculptor meet the painter.
Art meets art.
What a thing, contrary to when a boozer meets a boozer.
What comes of that is a chaotic household with a high threshold for violence.
Old friends play on my memory.
Because those lifeless eyes are hard to let go.
So dim. No light.
No more struggle. They gave up the fight.
Bottle tipping. Drug intaking.
Things really distorted lately.
Things not the same after a couple bumps and bruises.
Couple heartbreaks too many.
Leaving us walking around town, hands stuffed in our coats.
Nobody looking into eachothers eyes.
Nobody taking the risk of getting lost in another.
Walks are nothing new to me.
I'm a sag and I have two choices.
Fight or run.
And I don't trust myself with this quivering arrow.
Was never a good shot at meeting people.
So I run down these alleys.
Hoping to meet the right girl.
So art can meet art.
Tongue can meet tongue.
And i'll find salvation from the cold walk of life in your embrace.
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