Storytime

Ok, storytime.

When I was a young little guy my father was often out of town. As a top-ranking member of the military, he often found himself in Ottawa for conferences and such. Anyways, we decided to go "babysitter shopping" which involved literally looking through a large handbook of potential employees.

We decided on "Mrs Smith" She must have had a first name but as a young child this of course meant nothing to me. She was simply "Mrs Smith" to me.

"Mrs Smith" was quite an older women with a chain-smoking problem. I remember her at one point vividly describing the horrible conditions of her lungs. "One is covered with tar" as she put it. And she often found herself bending over in fits of coughing and hacking. Literally dying before my young eyes. Effectively removing any possibility of me being a smoker later in life.

The few times we did go to her house it was covered with stale cigarette smoke. But boy-did that house have it's treasures. So many little trinkets and dolls. I was in heaven. I came across a caveman doll and took a liking to it.

The caveman doll was unlike anything i've ever seen. It had a long beard that went down to it's feet. And upon lifting the beard. There was a penis with full pubic hair. Yes-you heard that right. I had found one of the strangest dolls in her house. And "Mrs Smith" let me take it home.

I mean from here you would expect a crap ton of funny stories of me prancing around with my caveman doll. But I was largely uninterested in it's hairy dick. I mean..I had a super nintendo.

But you can probably guess that it raised my fathers eyebrows. And one day-the doll was gone. It had dissapeared very conveniantly. And even at a young age I knew it was because of the cavemans nudity. And my father was somehow worried I would maybe play with his dick or maybe suck his dick. Maybe become obsessed with penis's and go on to suck real men's penis's.

I never did. But I understood at a young age the negative attitudes towards homosexuality. And later, the entire LGTBQ community.

The naked caveman taught me.

And I'm pretty sure "Mrs Smith" has passed. Rest In Peace...