Thoughts.

I have this fear that my creative writing will get taken too literally.

Anyways, I had a dream the other night..well more like a nightmare. It had me at the airport going to my sisters wedding. And for some reason I decided to try and smuggle a bunch of weed with me. Anyways, I obviously got caught and this horrifying realization that I was going to miss my sister's wedding dawned on me. I woke up in cold sweat frantic and looking around.

The wedding. I've done my usual start and stop process when it comes to writing about this incoming wedding but perhaps I'll just put it down now.

I'm home after a nice long 8 hour shift. Those shifts I despise at the time but appreciate on my paycheque. As usual I kind of wish I had my girl here to shower and cuddle with. I think i'll do my usual meditation session. Which involves me sitting down and curling up a bit. I position myself so the water is directly above me. Cascading down on me. And then I free my mind of all thought except the water itself. It's remarkable how much mental tension this eases. And after a hectic shift at the restaurant these sessions can last up to 30 mins. And it'll feel more like ten minutes.

Anywayss, the wedding, yes. I'll skip all the usual "I'm super excited" stuff. Because obviously it's exciting to see my sister married. She's a good person and deserves her husband. He's a soft spoken nerdy engineer. I'll skip the usual stuff about weddings. It'll be a great time for me-and this goes back to the whole perspective thing.

Like my night at devotion awhile back. Perspective is something that fascinates me. I had a great time-and an important encounter. Chris on the other hand..dealt with a crying ex girlfriend and that ex-girlfriends friend slapping him in the face. And then the others dealt with chris. Their patience had worn thin with this ex-girlfriend. All within the same walls. And this wedding will be quite the same. My sister hasn't laid eyes on my father in nearly a decade. So what the fuck will be running through her mind? Can you imagine that? I find it insane that my sister will be probably be just as nervous as my OTHER sister who is getting MARRIED. Just to lay eyes on someone! And then my mother-encountering her ex husband of like 20 years..this blog just got real intense.

And me-playing this delicate balance caused by my protective side. I want to protect everyone-but we have a wedding we need to get done. It's breagh's day after all. And I can't just pitch a large class of ice milk into my grandpas face ( a little fantasy caused by his verbal and physical abuse of my mom when she was growing up). No, I have to smile and shake lots of hands and pretend like I care about the whole lot. But I hope there is a certain kind of vibe I can let out. Nothing too overt or extravagant..just a little flash of the eyes.

I know

I want them to know that I know. But this testosterone filled heroic action will not be appreciated. I'm 23 after all..can't be throwing tantrums in a nice suit. Family members come to me with issues and problems. I'm the social worker after all. I'm the listener.

I'm working on a spoken word piece that i'm super excited about. I'm really really excited about it, however I need to change my last stanza entirely. It was a copy and paste thing. I had about 3/4 of the piece done and then pulled slacker and pasted in something from another poem. I have all these unfinished ideas laying around my computer. Some of it I just need to delete. It's a quality over quantity kind of thing.

After checking out tumblr a bit I find myself insanely jealous of the ability to just re-blog things. Maybe I'll make one-probably not. My reason is that it feels like a different format than what i'm used to. My blogs are generally text based. Also, i'm kind of attached to this blog. It's been around awhile. It's change...wahh. I want to kick back up the Prntscrn diaries. just because I feel like being a fucking troublemaker and the internet pisses me off all the time.

blah blah blah
the cool air of the night is nice.
I'm looking forward to saturday. So I can avoid the club and hangout with a girl who drives me crazy in a good way.
peace & love