Monday, July 29, 2013
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Just Checking In
I've got some serious writing in the works. And as usual that has kept me away from the blog..sort of. I've been less active than usual. Probably a healthy break..
Summer is at it's mid-way point and i'm a mixture of "shit I've had a lame summer" and "i'm sort of excited for school to kick up again". I'm certainly not a school-hater. I feel bad for those who are. As you are going to need to put in a certain amount of school ( 4+ years) to gain anything for it. So buckle up folks and enjoy the ride.
I need to run into the girl in red again. Last time I saw her there was something about her eyes. Her mannerisms had me thinking " she wanted to run into me".
She wanted to run into me and never thought she would again. I can feel her on that. There has been those times were someone you've worshipped from afar leaves that classroom never to return again. Chances people..we take chances. And they can be scary chances..but i've rambled enough about that on here.
Take risks. Cliche advice. But do it. Regret is a worse feeling than anything because well..you fucked up and there's no changing that. You can apply a different formula to the future of course. But that single moment is gone. Depressing I know. So go for it. Don't find yourself in positions that I have.
So perhaps I see the girl in red or perhaps I don't. But the key is the red jacket. It gave me something to remember. I remember the red jacket and then her face.
And on to something completely different.
The city has been abuzz with an unfortunate circumstance which happened the other day. Police responded to a well-being call early in the morning in one of winnipegs wealtheir suburbs. In the house two infants were found unresponsive in a bathtub. They had (apparently) been drowned. The mother? Nowhere to be found. That is, until today, when she was found floating in the red river. I paid close attention to the responses to this tragedy. The mother is accused of drowning the children and then ending her own life. People seem to be torn between understanding and respecting mental ilness and anger towards the unecessary deaths of two infants. "They had so much life ahead of them" Indeed they did. And that, plus the mothers death, is a shame. Others went over the deep-end and decided the right course of action was to threaten the mother and talk big about how we should "crack down on these nutcases".
A lot of tough talk. I'm having nothing of it. It amazes me how hard people find it to put themselves in another pair of shoes. Imagine if something like that happened in our family. We would want complete privacy and the laast thing we'd want is for people to go postal on a situation they know nothing about.
But hey, I couldn't help but wish the mother killed herself before killing her kids.
And that's just being truthful.
Anyways, i've been writing. Attempting to find a voice one day, and find a voice entirely different another. I know I have a writing style. Which is more like freehand poetry. No rules and no boundaries. But lately i've been entering the world of structured poetry. Haiku's and stuff like that. Been reading more. Just finished patricia cornwell's novel Trace and moved on to Fredrick Forsthys The Odessa File. Just been geeking out lately. Also been playing a tactical war shooter called Operation Flashpoint..a classic. A fucking hard game..but a classic. I just figured out how to use the map. And now if I could just figure out how to direct my men. Anyways, fuck a style. That's what I meant to say right after the third sentence of this paragraph.
Some photos! And I'll shut up now. Writing to come. Be on the lookout.
peace & love
Summer is at it's mid-way point and i'm a mixture of "shit I've had a lame summer" and "i'm sort of excited for school to kick up again". I'm certainly not a school-hater. I feel bad for those who are. As you are going to need to put in a certain amount of school ( 4+ years) to gain anything for it. So buckle up folks and enjoy the ride.
I need to run into the girl in red again. Last time I saw her there was something about her eyes. Her mannerisms had me thinking " she wanted to run into me".
She wanted to run into me and never thought she would again. I can feel her on that. There has been those times were someone you've worshipped from afar leaves that classroom never to return again. Chances people..we take chances. And they can be scary chances..but i've rambled enough about that on here.
Take risks. Cliche advice. But do it. Regret is a worse feeling than anything because well..you fucked up and there's no changing that. You can apply a different formula to the future of course. But that single moment is gone. Depressing I know. So go for it. Don't find yourself in positions that I have.
So perhaps I see the girl in red or perhaps I don't. But the key is the red jacket. It gave me something to remember. I remember the red jacket and then her face.
And on to something completely different.
The city has been abuzz with an unfortunate circumstance which happened the other day. Police responded to a well-being call early in the morning in one of winnipegs wealtheir suburbs. In the house two infants were found unresponsive in a bathtub. They had (apparently) been drowned. The mother? Nowhere to be found. That is, until today, when she was found floating in the red river. I paid close attention to the responses to this tragedy. The mother is accused of drowning the children and then ending her own life. People seem to be torn between understanding and respecting mental ilness and anger towards the unecessary deaths of two infants. "They had so much life ahead of them" Indeed they did. And that, plus the mothers death, is a shame. Others went over the deep-end and decided the right course of action was to threaten the mother and talk big about how we should "crack down on these nutcases".
A lot of tough talk. I'm having nothing of it. It amazes me how hard people find it to put themselves in another pair of shoes. Imagine if something like that happened in our family. We would want complete privacy and the laast thing we'd want is for people to go postal on a situation they know nothing about.
But hey, I couldn't help but wish the mother killed herself before killing her kids.
And that's just being truthful.
Anyways, i've been writing. Attempting to find a voice one day, and find a voice entirely different another. I know I have a writing style. Which is more like freehand poetry. No rules and no boundaries. But lately i've been entering the world of structured poetry. Haiku's and stuff like that. Been reading more. Just finished patricia cornwell's novel Trace and moved on to Fredrick Forsthys The Odessa File. Just been geeking out lately. Also been playing a tactical war shooter called Operation Flashpoint..a classic. A fucking hard game..but a classic. I just figured out how to use the map. And now if I could just figure out how to direct my men. Anyways, fuck a style. That's what I meant to say right after the third sentence of this paragraph.
Some photos! And I'll shut up now. Writing to come. Be on the lookout.
peace & love
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Repping The Single Life
So a few people have been like "how's the love life going devon?" and my answer is "it's non-existent"
And the response is the interesting part. Because people never say anything remotely close to "good for you". It's more of "so, anything on the horizon?" or "do you like anyone?" or "why is that?"
The fact is, i'm fucking deflated. I've dated three girls in the past four months with no success. I'm not tripping on that. But for the next little while, i'm spent. And I've never felt this way before. Generally i'm always crushing. Or chasing down some girl to have sex with. Generally my penis has full reigns but perhaps i'm growing up a little.
I'm also in a very transitional stage of my life. I'm not exactly in a comfortable spot. I'm not a huge fan of my apartment, I'm not in the faculty of my choice yet. I'm not even sure i'll be in Winnipeg this time next year. So how could I tie myself up? I've become a little cynical to the idea of love. I mean, sure, it exists and two people can come together blah blah blah. But fuck that, give me a couple years. I've been down the road of putting love first and it led me nowhere. Life has hardened my view of romance. I'm not handing out free passes to my heart anymore.
Fuck off.
There's also a general response I get from my fellow kitchen workers regarding my conversations with the servers.
"I see what you're doing there"
And well, i'll admit, i'm a natural flirt. If flirting is just listening to what the girls have to say and engaging in meaningful conversation.
The next sex i'll have will be ferocious and rough and up against the wall. So, I'm still horny. But can I have my cake and eat it to? Can I have hot sexual encounters without all the emotional baggage that comes with it? In a perfect world perhaps...
Annd as usual this blog as spiraled into a mini-rant/senseless smut writing. I could write an erotic novel based on what is going through my head at the lovely hour of 5am.
And the response is the interesting part. Because people never say anything remotely close to "good for you". It's more of "so, anything on the horizon?" or "do you like anyone?" or "why is that?"
The fact is, i'm fucking deflated. I've dated three girls in the past four months with no success. I'm not tripping on that. But for the next little while, i'm spent. And I've never felt this way before. Generally i'm always crushing. Or chasing down some girl to have sex with. Generally my penis has full reigns but perhaps i'm growing up a little.
I'm also in a very transitional stage of my life. I'm not exactly in a comfortable spot. I'm not a huge fan of my apartment, I'm not in the faculty of my choice yet. I'm not even sure i'll be in Winnipeg this time next year. So how could I tie myself up? I've become a little cynical to the idea of love. I mean, sure, it exists and two people can come together blah blah blah. But fuck that, give me a couple years. I've been down the road of putting love first and it led me nowhere. Life has hardened my view of romance. I'm not handing out free passes to my heart anymore.
Fuck off.
There's also a general response I get from my fellow kitchen workers regarding my conversations with the servers.
"I see what you're doing there"
And well, i'll admit, i'm a natural flirt. If flirting is just listening to what the girls have to say and engaging in meaningful conversation.
The next sex i'll have will be ferocious and rough and up against the wall. So, I'm still horny. But can I have my cake and eat it to? Can I have hot sexual encounters without all the emotional baggage that comes with it? In a perfect world perhaps...
Annd as usual this blog as spiraled into a mini-rant/senseless smut writing. I could write an erotic novel based on what is going through my head at the lovely hour of 5am.
Monday, July 22, 2013
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Out Of Sync
That feeling between depression and just needing to get your shit together.
Just a little out of sync.
Late at night
A little out of sync
Playing with the radio
Trying not to think
Pen in my hand
this is all I ever had
I speak
"I need change"
And the words bounce from wall to wall
They slip under the door and slide down the hallway
And eventually hit the night air
God gasps and the wind blows
And my sentiments are joined with others.
As we all speak
Needing change and love in our lives.
Fingers tight around the pen.
I've been all messed up lately.
A little out of sync they say.
When will devon be ok?
Soon! they say
He's just a little lost
Mind out to play.
And Oh i've been down a cruel road.
Fighting an invisible foe.
Waking up covered in self-inflicted bruises.
Blaming myself for the sunrise and sunset.
There's things out of my control.
And I always seem to forget.
A little out of sync.
The man in white says i'm a little out of sync.
Here's a little pill devon, he says.
It'll dry those tears that fall in your sink.
So at night I took two.
And I stopped feeling.
I stopped dreaming
Made my tummy hurt.
Bright blue eyes a dull grey.
Friends looking for support.
Don't know what to say.
Hands deep in my pockets.
Eyes to the ground day to day.
Balance never my paradise
I'm a little out of sync and that's alright.
Gotta spend some time in darkness to find the light.
-dev
Just a little out of sync.
Late at night
A little out of sync
Playing with the radio
Trying not to think
Pen in my hand
this is all I ever had
I speak
"I need change"
And the words bounce from wall to wall
They slip under the door and slide down the hallway
And eventually hit the night air
God gasps and the wind blows
And my sentiments are joined with others.
As we all speak
Needing change and love in our lives.
Fingers tight around the pen.
I've been all messed up lately.
A little out of sync they say.
When will devon be ok?
Soon! they say
He's just a little lost
Mind out to play.
And Oh i've been down a cruel road.
Fighting an invisible foe.
Waking up covered in self-inflicted bruises.
Blaming myself for the sunrise and sunset.
There's things out of my control.
And I always seem to forget.
A little out of sync.
The man in white says i'm a little out of sync.
Here's a little pill devon, he says.
It'll dry those tears that fall in your sink.
So at night I took two.
And I stopped feeling.
I stopped dreaming
Made my tummy hurt.
Bright blue eyes a dull grey.
Friends looking for support.
Don't know what to say.
Hands deep in my pockets.
Eyes to the ground day to day.
Balance never my paradise
I'm a little out of sync and that's alright.
Gotta spend some time in darkness to find the light.
-dev
Friday, July 19, 2013
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Nice Guys Don't Finish Last Anymore
I was telling a co-worker of mine today...
"Things are better for the nice guys"
And I honestly believe this statement to be true. We've all heard the old adage of "nice guys finish last" and while I believe the sentiment holds true in some cases...we've begun to see this become less common.
Heterosexual relationships have been largely defined throughout history by douchebags with vested interests. Church dudes we're telling people what is right/wrong morally and businessmen were scrambling to keep patriarchial relations in tact. Everyone had money & sex involved. They were all male.
Nowadays we have begun to see patriarchy disassembled. And the resulting times are in the "nice guys" favour. I think power has a lot to do with this. Power used to be exclusively for wealthy males who tended to treat women as "objects" rather than another person with power themselves. Women we're left without power, and sought such power in men. The ideal man of the early 1900's was one of wealth and prosperity. Can this man provide for the family? However, in present-day women have acquired their own power so things are a-changin for the better.
Power in 2013 is more of a perspective thing. As Immortal Technique says "success is psychological" so while you may be poor and without wheels (me) you can still have power of mind and spirit. And these traits are becoming more attractive to females as we progress into the new milenium. All of a sudden, being car-less or having a real beat up civic with a crappy engine is less of a factor in our attractibility.
Surface level traits as I call them. Who cares about diamond necklaces or a lifted truck with rims? Conversation and personality are becoming sexy. And it works in the nice guys favour. I mean let's get real here. I'm an average guy with a skinny build. And while I do want to hit the gym and get toned ( it'll happen) I'm doing that more for myself than to get girls. I've never had trouble attracting women. And I mean for no ego to be involved in that statement. It's just how things are.
So back to my buddy at work. He probably thinks the girl he wants is out of his league. In fact his very words were:
"One day I'll gather up the courage to go for her. One day..."
To which I say, go for it. Things aren't the same as they used to be. And we're not giving women the credit they deserve by just throwing out a statement like "nice guys finish last" and then just giving up.
For the most part fellas, you're giving up on yourself.
-dev
"Things are better for the nice guys"
And I honestly believe this statement to be true. We've all heard the old adage of "nice guys finish last" and while I believe the sentiment holds true in some cases...we've begun to see this become less common.
Heterosexual relationships have been largely defined throughout history by douchebags with vested interests. Church dudes we're telling people what is right/wrong morally and businessmen were scrambling to keep patriarchial relations in tact. Everyone had money & sex involved. They were all male.
Nowadays we have begun to see patriarchy disassembled. And the resulting times are in the "nice guys" favour. I think power has a lot to do with this. Power used to be exclusively for wealthy males who tended to treat women as "objects" rather than another person with power themselves. Women we're left without power, and sought such power in men. The ideal man of the early 1900's was one of wealth and prosperity. Can this man provide for the family? However, in present-day women have acquired their own power so things are a-changin for the better.
Power in 2013 is more of a perspective thing. As Immortal Technique says "success is psychological" so while you may be poor and without wheels (me) you can still have power of mind and spirit. And these traits are becoming more attractive to females as we progress into the new milenium. All of a sudden, being car-less or having a real beat up civic with a crappy engine is less of a factor in our attractibility.
Surface level traits as I call them. Who cares about diamond necklaces or a lifted truck with rims? Conversation and personality are becoming sexy. And it works in the nice guys favour. I mean let's get real here. I'm an average guy with a skinny build. And while I do want to hit the gym and get toned ( it'll happen) I'm doing that more for myself than to get girls. I've never had trouble attracting women. And I mean for no ego to be involved in that statement. It's just how things are.
So back to my buddy at work. He probably thinks the girl he wants is out of his league. In fact his very words were:
"One day I'll gather up the courage to go for her. One day..."
To which I say, go for it. Things aren't the same as they used to be. And we're not giving women the credit they deserve by just throwing out a statement like "nice guys finish last" and then just giving up.
For the most part fellas, you're giving up on yourself.
-dev
Brain vs Penis
So the solo nights have begun (back in full swing). Which involve me drinking a few at the bar (at work) and heading home to make the inevitable trip down to the beer store. I typically purchase one or two king cans. Or if the day has been especially brutal i'll pick up a six.
I'm writing this and sweating. The weather is still insanely humid and while it is beginning to rain outside (yay) my apatment still resembles a sauna. I just got back from the beer store ( I bought a king can of Molson Dry) and here I am writing a blog. On my way to the store I couldn't help but notice a young couple, arm in arm, heading home after a lovely night of drinks and apps from the many restaurants of osborne. I have to admit osborne as these pretty streetlights that actually resemble something of romance. So if you catch a couple at the right moment they will pass under those streetlights and if you froze that moment in time then you have a perfect postcard to send home.
To tell everyone that love still exists.
Ah yes, bitter and jaded. Sitting at the bar flicking coins into empty glasses and hardly looking around. The women are plentiful and available. Dressed in tight clothing and loose clothing in all the right places. Young and sexy. That's where we are at I suppose. We're all young and sexy and the world is our oyster.
But i'm indifferent to it all. I fell like that side of me has extinguished itself over the past few months. I don't desire anyone at the moment. I'm relishing the alone time. For now...It always returns in full force. A burning desire that nags at the mind. That's when I start thinking less with my brain and more with my penis.
It almost always ends with an empty bottle of wine and my dimly lit apartment. And that sexy silhouette dancing in front of me.
Not that this is necessarily a bad thing. Considering where I am at in life. And as I said to my friend regarding his recent breakup:
"We're at that age, man, we're at that age"
Pointing out that, hey, as early twenty-somethings we don't have our shit together. And these haphazard romances will bruise a few hearts along the way.
At 18 I said I had my shit together with full confidence. Five years later I say I don't have my shit together with full confidence. Time taught me some lessons.
But it humbles me to know that i'm still learning and evolving as a human everyday. I got to thinking on my walk about self-regulation.
I'm a pretty avid supporter of self-regulation and remaining "real" with oneself. It supports the ability to be honest with oneself and point out our own flaws. But when we become unhappy with ourselves to a certain points..then we are doing ourselves a disservice.
So we can be our own worst enemy and best friend at the same time.
The easy cliche answer is to dance a fine line between the two. .
Ah well, I don't have all the answers. Talk to me in thirty years. Then maybe i'll have some sort of an answer to all the questions that flood our young minds everyday.
For now, let's just take things day by day.
-dev
I'm writing this and sweating. The weather is still insanely humid and while it is beginning to rain outside (yay) my apatment still resembles a sauna. I just got back from the beer store ( I bought a king can of Molson Dry) and here I am writing a blog. On my way to the store I couldn't help but notice a young couple, arm in arm, heading home after a lovely night of drinks and apps from the many restaurants of osborne. I have to admit osborne as these pretty streetlights that actually resemble something of romance. So if you catch a couple at the right moment they will pass under those streetlights and if you froze that moment in time then you have a perfect postcard to send home.
To tell everyone that love still exists.
Ah yes, bitter and jaded. Sitting at the bar flicking coins into empty glasses and hardly looking around. The women are plentiful and available. Dressed in tight clothing and loose clothing in all the right places. Young and sexy. That's where we are at I suppose. We're all young and sexy and the world is our oyster.
But i'm indifferent to it all. I fell like that side of me has extinguished itself over the past few months. I don't desire anyone at the moment. I'm relishing the alone time. For now...It always returns in full force. A burning desire that nags at the mind. That's when I start thinking less with my brain and more with my penis.
Not that this is necessarily a bad thing. Considering where I am at in life. And as I said to my friend regarding his recent breakup:
"We're at that age, man, we're at that age"
Pointing out that, hey, as early twenty-somethings we don't have our shit together. And these haphazard romances will bruise a few hearts along the way.
At 18 I said I had my shit together with full confidence. Five years later I say I don't have my shit together with full confidence. Time taught me some lessons.
But it humbles me to know that i'm still learning and evolving as a human everyday. I got to thinking on my walk about self-regulation.
I'm a pretty avid supporter of self-regulation and remaining "real" with oneself. It supports the ability to be honest with oneself and point out our own flaws. But when we become unhappy with ourselves to a certain points..then we are doing ourselves a disservice.
So we can be our own worst enemy and best friend at the same time.
The easy cliche answer is to dance a fine line between the two. .
Ah well, I don't have all the answers. Talk to me in thirty years. Then maybe i'll have some sort of an answer to all the questions that flood our young minds everyday.
For now, let's just take things day by day.
-dev
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Some New Tunes
I tryy and share music i've been listening to lately. As long as it's new to me i'll put it on here. But I do a lot of "listening to old music" and if i tried putting it all on here it would take months. And plus, it would get boring if all I shared was music. So I try and pick some favourite tunes that have been getting lots of spins lately.
Get Out Of My Bedroom
I'm not the typical guy to hate on feminism. In fact, I consider myself a huge ally to that movement. And there was a point when I proudly referred to myself as a feminist.
Nowadays I find labels more obstructive then helpful. They lead to many petty arguments and I tend to find myself more misrepresented than understood. Besides, fuck a label.
Fuck a label because I may fall asleep one way and wake up another. We are constantly growing day to day. So fuck labels. I'll introduce myself as Devon and let you know what's on my mind that day. That's the power of a blog. It can at least show me in a certain light that allows me to explain how I'm feeling. So no, I don't consider myself a "feminist". But if you tally up my philosophies and priorities you may find that i'm a little more productive than those in that camp.
The importance is self-regulation. And I had a gender studies prof who described feminism as a discourse that absorbs it's own criticism and adjusts accordingly. Which is great..in theory. But I find in most gender studies (aka womans studies) classrooms I find people unwilling or unable to entertain certain ideas that may be critical of feminism.
The title of this blog is "Get out of my bedroom" and it's a message to feminism.
I don't have to explain my boners to you. If it's there-then it's there. I'm not going to blush and try and excuse my boner. Sometimes I get hard for absolutely no reason. Case in point-my morning boners in physics class. Anyways, just wanted to start off by saying yeah..I'm not going to excuse myself for what turns me on.
And neither should my girl. (If she existed). But if I had a girl she shouldn't have to be ashamed or embarassed about wanting to suck my dick. Or cook me dinner. Or do some of the things that women were perhaps forced to do decades ago. She should be allowed to be herself. And so should I/ So what if I think kim kardashian looks like shit in her new dress? I dislike kim and throw petty insults at her at times-so what, i'm a fucking human.
You know what? I have good relations with females because i'm a good person. But i don't need to prove shit to anyone. I don't need to make apologies for my fetishes or the fact I like to fuck with the lights on.
Power, in my humble opinion, is the ability to be a slut at any time we want. So don't look down your noses at me.
You're taking things far too seriously if you're worried about what goes down in my bedroom.
Labels and joining a "group" seems to lead to this odd sort of irony. The finger pointing just continues...
-dev
Nowadays I find labels more obstructive then helpful. They lead to many petty arguments and I tend to find myself more misrepresented than understood. Besides, fuck a label.
Fuck a label because I may fall asleep one way and wake up another. We are constantly growing day to day. So fuck labels. I'll introduce myself as Devon and let you know what's on my mind that day. That's the power of a blog. It can at least show me in a certain light that allows me to explain how I'm feeling. So no, I don't consider myself a "feminist". But if you tally up my philosophies and priorities you may find that i'm a little more productive than those in that camp.
The importance is self-regulation. And I had a gender studies prof who described feminism as a discourse that absorbs it's own criticism and adjusts accordingly. Which is great..in theory. But I find in most gender studies (aka womans studies) classrooms I find people unwilling or unable to entertain certain ideas that may be critical of feminism.
The title of this blog is "Get out of my bedroom" and it's a message to feminism.
I don't have to explain my boners to you. If it's there-then it's there. I'm not going to blush and try and excuse my boner. Sometimes I get hard for absolutely no reason. Case in point-my morning boners in physics class. Anyways, just wanted to start off by saying yeah..I'm not going to excuse myself for what turns me on.
And neither should my girl. (If she existed). But if I had a girl she shouldn't have to be ashamed or embarassed about wanting to suck my dick. Or cook me dinner. Or do some of the things that women were perhaps forced to do decades ago. She should be allowed to be herself. And so should I/ So what if I think kim kardashian looks like shit in her new dress? I dislike kim and throw petty insults at her at times-so what, i'm a fucking human.
You know what? I have good relations with females because i'm a good person. But i don't need to prove shit to anyone. I don't need to make apologies for my fetishes or the fact I like to fuck with the lights on.
Power, in my humble opinion, is the ability to be a slut at any time we want. So don't look down your noses at me.
You're taking things far too seriously if you're worried about what goes down in my bedroom.
Labels and joining a "group" seems to lead to this odd sort of irony. The finger pointing just continues...
-dev
Sunday, July 14, 2013
Back On The Prairie..hiding my excitement on this one.
Well the wedding came and went.
And I behaved myself. My brother? He got a little wild on the dancefloor. But he behaved himself also.
I didn't throw milk in my grandfathers face. I realized..the dude is 75. If i'm going to pitch ice cold milk in someones face they have to be at least under 50 and able to do something about it.
As for the family gathering. I like my sisters husbands family. And they all seemed to like us. So blah blah blah it all went well. Damn, I wanted a crazy blog story about it.
I did play a little anti-social. Choosing to stay off the dancefloor and get to know my cousin a little better on the outside patio. The thing about being sober is that if you don't get started soon enough the appeal is lost. And I mean this by the fact that I had puked my guts out the night before (unbeknowst to my family) and was "taking it easy". Later on during the night I was feeling better, but everyone around me was slammed. I found myself receding into this "uhhh no thanks" attitude towards all the shots. I did do a couple burt renoylds. Sorry burt..don't know how to spell your name.
I'm back in my humid as fuck apartment digesting the past few days. And perhaps I should be glad that the events were rather unremarkable. They did not turn out to be the chaotic affair I had conjured up in my head. I took the time to reflect on my life and do lots of reading/blogging. .
My friend is surviving his break up by immediately turning to another girl. I find the move rather..umm..unecessary. I feel like breakups are this great opportunity for self-growth. But that point has been missed by him. And he doesn't really seem to be grasping the reality of the situation.
"I don't get why she won't come to the frisknock tournmanet at nicks?"
Well let me help you out on that.
......But do I really have to?
But as my mother so eloquently put it:
"Devon, some people have moved on from a relationship emotionally long before they end things physically"
Jeez.
It's funny how we seem to be so eager to fuck with other people for the sake of saving our own ass. Kind of makes me a little nervous joining others on an airplane. As some lady lunges for her Gucci bag instead of pulling me from the wreckage...
I'm exhausted. This blog sucks I know.
I'll put forth a better effort in the future.
-dev
Oh yeah, I did clean up a bit.
and for the sake of randomness:
And I behaved myself. My brother? He got a little wild on the dancefloor. But he behaved himself also.
I didn't throw milk in my grandfathers face. I realized..the dude is 75. If i'm going to pitch ice cold milk in someones face they have to be at least under 50 and able to do something about it.
As for the family gathering. I like my sisters husbands family. And they all seemed to like us. So blah blah blah it all went well. Damn, I wanted a crazy blog story about it.
I did play a little anti-social. Choosing to stay off the dancefloor and get to know my cousin a little better on the outside patio. The thing about being sober is that if you don't get started soon enough the appeal is lost. And I mean this by the fact that I had puked my guts out the night before (unbeknowst to my family) and was "taking it easy". Later on during the night I was feeling better, but everyone around me was slammed. I found myself receding into this "uhhh no thanks" attitude towards all the shots. I did do a couple burt renoylds. Sorry burt..don't know how to spell your name.
I'm back in my humid as fuck apartment digesting the past few days. And perhaps I should be glad that the events were rather unremarkable. They did not turn out to be the chaotic affair I had conjured up in my head. I took the time to reflect on my life and do lots of reading/blogging. .
My friend is surviving his break up by immediately turning to another girl. I find the move rather..umm..unecessary. I feel like breakups are this great opportunity for self-growth. But that point has been missed by him. And he doesn't really seem to be grasping the reality of the situation.
"I don't get why she won't come to the frisknock tournmanet at nicks?"
Well let me help you out on that.
......But do I really have to?
But as my mother so eloquently put it:
"Devon, some people have moved on from a relationship emotionally long before they end things physically"
Jeez.
It's funny how we seem to be so eager to fuck with other people for the sake of saving our own ass. Kind of makes me a little nervous joining others on an airplane. As some lady lunges for her Gucci bag instead of pulling me from the wreckage...
I'm exhausted. This blog sucks I know.
I'll put forth a better effort in the future.
-dev
Oh yeah, I did clean up a bit.
and for the sake of randomness:
Saturday, July 13, 2013
Thursday, July 11, 2013
A Shaved Head Is A Good Head
Well just about to hit the road for the 5 hour journey up to Port Angeles. Or however it is spelled :/.
One was enough devon..jeez
One was enough devon..jeez
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
How Did You Feel?
In this section I'm talking to myself. Asking "How did you feel when..." These posts are based on my own life and will makes sense to very little. But my blog is used for multiple reasons, and sometimes I just want to blow off steam. If you get anything from it-awesome.
When I got down to thinking about it. I wanted to wild out. I was angry and I had to look inside myself and explore that anger. I think we all get angry like that. And sometimes our actions are a direct reflection of that anger. Sometimes we don't give ourselves time to think over things. We don't explore our own emotions. We become victims to those emotions. And then we furthur victimize others around us to make ourselves feel better.
Yeah, I was pissed. I felt I had been wronged. And rejection brings a feeling of wrongness. It was a delayed anger. I think just being in an airport and having a flight be delayed like it was. I spent 4 hours in the airport before I actually took off. And after awhile of messing around on the computer and reading I was just walking around mulling over things. Airports remind me of a lot. And a lot of it is hard goodbyes and warm hugs that have since turned cold. I did a lot of back and forth between b.c and wpg when I was with her so I can't help but be reminded of it all. Especially when i'm arriving back in wpg and i'm passing by all the people greeting loved ones. It reminds me of her. But such is the way of life.
So there I am steaming over the latest events and I got on the plane and i'm still pissed. And i'm making all these plans to like do something about it. Like i'm going to blah blah blah. Not even worth mentioning on here. But I was going to cause some shit. And I look over and there's this little kid bouncing on his dads lap. And i'm just instantly warmed by this cute little kid. I fucking love little kids. And I tussled the kids hair and the dad didn't mind and the kid laughed and took a liking to me. Just so happened the dad needed to use the washroom so I offered to hold the little guy for a bit. It completely shed my shitty attitude.
I gave the kid back and realized i'm not that person. I'm not a guy who is going to name call or shame someone just because they don't want to be with me. I realized I needed to stop basing my happiness off how others view me or treat me. I know deep down when battles need to be fought and just left alone. But if people try to take my kindness for weakness then I will fight those battles. I just need to be selective. And I think I know when to fight and when to just walk away.
I believe in my own heart. And I trust the judgements it makes. So while I think some have been given a free pass to treat me in a certain way, i'm not going back and kicking up shit.
When I got down to thinking about it. I wanted to wild out. I was angry and I had to look inside myself and explore that anger. I think we all get angry like that. And sometimes our actions are a direct reflection of that anger. Sometimes we don't give ourselves time to think over things. We don't explore our own emotions. We become victims to those emotions. And then we furthur victimize others around us to make ourselves feel better.
Yeah, I was pissed. I felt I had been wronged. And rejection brings a feeling of wrongness. It was a delayed anger. I think just being in an airport and having a flight be delayed like it was. I spent 4 hours in the airport before I actually took off. And after awhile of messing around on the computer and reading I was just walking around mulling over things. Airports remind me of a lot. And a lot of it is hard goodbyes and warm hugs that have since turned cold. I did a lot of back and forth between b.c and wpg when I was with her so I can't help but be reminded of it all. Especially when i'm arriving back in wpg and i'm passing by all the people greeting loved ones. It reminds me of her. But such is the way of life.
So there I am steaming over the latest events and I got on the plane and i'm still pissed. And i'm making all these plans to like do something about it. Like i'm going to blah blah blah. Not even worth mentioning on here. But I was going to cause some shit. And I look over and there's this little kid bouncing on his dads lap. And i'm just instantly warmed by this cute little kid. I fucking love little kids. And I tussled the kids hair and the dad didn't mind and the kid laughed and took a liking to me. Just so happened the dad needed to use the washroom so I offered to hold the little guy for a bit. It completely shed my shitty attitude.
I gave the kid back and realized i'm not that person. I'm not a guy who is going to name call or shame someone just because they don't want to be with me. I realized I needed to stop basing my happiness off how others view me or treat me. I know deep down when battles need to be fought and just left alone. But if people try to take my kindness for weakness then I will fight those battles. I just need to be selective. And I think I know when to fight and when to just walk away.
I believe in my own heart. And I trust the judgements it makes. So while I think some have been given a free pass to treat me in a certain way, i'm not going back and kicking up shit.
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Self-Involvement & Break-Ups
I’m writing this from the airport. Travel is a perfect time
to blog. Although I’m awkwardly perched near some outlets and typing is proving
to be a little difficult. But perhaps I will choose my words more carefully.
As I mentioned before a friend of mine recently broke up
with his girlfriend. And she reached out to me about it. I can tell she wants
to talk about it. And I completely understand that feeling. Depending on the
circumstances, breakups tend to leave many unanswered questions and self-doubt on
both sides. There are, of course, those relationships which are rotten to the
core and the culmination is a relief. However, most are akin to “We were fine
just last week!”. They carry a feeling of surprise and disappointment mixed
with despair and confusion..no fun. So I can understand why she may want to
reach out and talk. However, I’m torn between my loyalty to my friend and my
empathy for her.
My friend is my best friend. Has been my whole life. And I
find that we have more of a symbolic friendship than an active friendship.
That’s not to say we don’t get together and have a great time once in awhile.
But we’ve strayed onto different life paths and have much different friends. My
friend can be very self-involved. And I don’t necessarily blame him. I see the
dynamics of his family and the values of which he has been taught. And they
aren’t exactly philanthropic. And they don’t necessarily include empathy for
others. Many times I feel that favours are done with a chip on his shoulder.
He’s annoyed and doesn’t like putting himself out of the way for others.
Self-involvement is toxic in a relationship. The definition
of a relationship includes a certain level of self-sacrifice and mutual
understanding. Now, I’m not necessarily blaming that on the end of my friends
relationship. But it certainly will play a role in the recovery speed of his
girlfriend.
There is no “good” way to breakup. Although, I’m a supporter
of doing it in person and explaining the real reasons why. But self-involvement
post-breakup can increase the sting. Especially if the self-involved ended
things. I find the immediate replacement of a girl/boy after a breakup rather
distasteful. Give yourself a break after a breakup. I seems scary, but a break
up is an excellent chance for self-growth. You’ll be doing yourself and the
next person you date a favour.
Do people who break up with others learn from the end? Or is
there a feeling of superiority in maintaining control? It’s something to think
about. Was is self-sacrifice or an ego move aimed at self-involvement?. With my
self-involved friend I wonder if he will really learn from the end of his
relationship.
But then again, empathy is something from the heart. Is it
taught or just the natural order of my mind? My friends, be fragile with others
hearts.
You just may find yourself being dumped by someone you care
deeply for.
peace & love
from the YWG
Monday, July 8, 2013
Romantic Saxophone collection part 1
Just cleaning the apartment with some sax music in the background.
The Good & Bad
Hello world.
Hello visitors from the U.S, Canada, Russia, U,K, France, Netherlands, Germany, Romania, Australia, and last but not least Belgium.
And that's just been the last few days. So I thank you for stopping by. I do see you, and your operating systems, and your point of entry. A little creepy, I know.
But unlike the NSA I will not use such information to spread your asshole for small amounts of marijuana in a few years. A creepy reality if we see a conservative president voted in. Too much conservative thought..and we're screwed.
So what's up? I've mentioned before that my sister is getting married. I'm leaving on tuesday to fly to Portland, Oregon. A fucking gorgeous city. One of my favourite to visit. My mom lives on a mountain called Bull Mountain. And the view is fantastic. I'm spending a day in p-town before I join my sister to make the long drive up to Victoria. This involves driving up through Washington. Stopping in Seattle to visit a friend. And then taking a ferry over from some port. The last port I took a ferry from was the same town the author of Twilight was from. I was extremely disinterested. And then we shall land in Victoria. I'm sharing a room with my sister in a hotel right by the habour. Victoria is also a beautiful place. And i'm salivating at the mouth to meet my old dorm-mate for some drinks and one of the famous pubs downtown. Good conversation will be had. Revolutionary thought will prosper. And I'll be able to get some shit off my chest and hopefully shed some of this negative emotion i've been feeling lately.
What's wrong?
Well, I don't know. I'm super positive and negative at the same time. I just need to be patient. I'm in an awkward phase of my life. I'm in an in-between phase. Living in an apartment i'm not really comfortable in. Living in a city i'm not really comfortable in. But my life is filled with beauty Certainly my love for my friends has increased. And I hope that we can remain connected if I do choose to leave. Girls have come and gone. I've been part of the "dating scene" which I've commented on before. And it's rough and rewarding at the same time. And don't think i'm not noticing the flowers, the trees, the certain scenes that are part of the canvas of my life. Winnipeg can be quite ugly but breathtakingly beautiful depending on which avenue you may go down. I tend to enjoy the wide streets with overhanging trees. To me, it's childhood. It's growth. It's families and street hockey games.
I'm a weirdo.
But I assume that a certain amount of weirdness must come to play when having a sucessful blog. Such as the schoolgirl dressing man in my previous posts. I envy him in a way. And I also envy the homeless men he visits in part two. I just want to get away from all this for awhile. Have a little shack by the beach. And just surf and go for runs with my yellow lab. And perhaps come across a beautiful girl from time to time and have great fireside beach sex.
And she'll ask me "what's your story?"
Ah, sorry. I got a little off-topic with my fantasies. YOUR STILL IN MY MIND MOTHERFUCKERS.
I just wanted to mention that a blog can become a bit like the leonardo dicaprio film called...ah i don't know the name has escaped me. I found the movie boring. Reallyy boring. Dreaming in a dream...blah.
A friend of mine recently broke up with his girlfriend. I have yet to collect the details. But it gave me a weird shiver. Almost like I felt the heat of a failed relationship. Reminded me of my last breakup. My god, I wish her nothing but the best though. I'm over it all. And I wish I could run into her and give her a big hug and let her know i don't hate her.
But one of the hardest parts of getting over someone is the fact that the encounter I just described would never happen. I may feel a certain way. But who knows if she does? The fact is, some people just don't care.
They just don't care anymore.
So I'm pretty confident she would refuse the hug lol.
But seriously, hope your doing well girl. And that your summer has been treating you well.
And I hope my friend and his ex lover can eventually reach that point. But he can be a prick sometimes. And she's feeling that wrath right now. He's my best friend but I do know his flaws. And she chose to enter in a relationship with him and stay with him for a long time..knowing those flaws.
Anyways.
Here's a couple pictures of both me, and my brother with his girlfriend.
peace and love my brothers and sisters
Hello visitors from the U.S, Canada, Russia, U,K, France, Netherlands, Germany, Romania, Australia, and last but not least Belgium.
And that's just been the last few days. So I thank you for stopping by. I do see you, and your operating systems, and your point of entry. A little creepy, I know.
But unlike the NSA I will not use such information to spread your asshole for small amounts of marijuana in a few years. A creepy reality if we see a conservative president voted in. Too much conservative thought..and we're screwed.
So what's up? I've mentioned before that my sister is getting married. I'm leaving on tuesday to fly to Portland, Oregon. A fucking gorgeous city. One of my favourite to visit. My mom lives on a mountain called Bull Mountain. And the view is fantastic. I'm spending a day in p-town before I join my sister to make the long drive up to Victoria. This involves driving up through Washington. Stopping in Seattle to visit a friend. And then taking a ferry over from some port. The last port I took a ferry from was the same town the author of Twilight was from. I was extremely disinterested. And then we shall land in Victoria. I'm sharing a room with my sister in a hotel right by the habour. Victoria is also a beautiful place. And i'm salivating at the mouth to meet my old dorm-mate for some drinks and one of the famous pubs downtown. Good conversation will be had. Revolutionary thought will prosper. And I'll be able to get some shit off my chest and hopefully shed some of this negative emotion i've been feeling lately.
What's wrong?
Well, I don't know. I'm super positive and negative at the same time. I just need to be patient. I'm in an awkward phase of my life. I'm in an in-between phase. Living in an apartment i'm not really comfortable in. Living in a city i'm not really comfortable in. But my life is filled with beauty Certainly my love for my friends has increased. And I hope that we can remain connected if I do choose to leave. Girls have come and gone. I've been part of the "dating scene" which I've commented on before. And it's rough and rewarding at the same time. And don't think i'm not noticing the flowers, the trees, the certain scenes that are part of the canvas of my life. Winnipeg can be quite ugly but breathtakingly beautiful depending on which avenue you may go down. I tend to enjoy the wide streets with overhanging trees. To me, it's childhood. It's growth. It's families and street hockey games.
I'm a weirdo.
But I assume that a certain amount of weirdness must come to play when having a sucessful blog. Such as the schoolgirl dressing man in my previous posts. I envy him in a way. And I also envy the homeless men he visits in part two. I just want to get away from all this for awhile. Have a little shack by the beach. And just surf and go for runs with my yellow lab. And perhaps come across a beautiful girl from time to time and have great fireside beach sex.
And she'll ask me "what's your story?"
Ah, sorry. I got a little off-topic with my fantasies. YOUR STILL IN MY MIND MOTHERFUCKERS.
I just wanted to mention that a blog can become a bit like the leonardo dicaprio film called...ah i don't know the name has escaped me. I found the movie boring. Reallyy boring. Dreaming in a dream...blah.
A friend of mine recently broke up with his girlfriend. I have yet to collect the details. But it gave me a weird shiver. Almost like I felt the heat of a failed relationship. Reminded me of my last breakup. My god, I wish her nothing but the best though. I'm over it all. And I wish I could run into her and give her a big hug and let her know i don't hate her.
But one of the hardest parts of getting over someone is the fact that the encounter I just described would never happen. I may feel a certain way. But who knows if she does? The fact is, some people just don't care.
They just don't care anymore.
So I'm pretty confident she would refuse the hug lol.
But seriously, hope your doing well girl. And that your summer has been treating you well.
And I hope my friend and his ex lover can eventually reach that point. But he can be a prick sometimes. And she's feeling that wrath right now. He's my best friend but I do know his flaws. And she chose to enter in a relationship with him and stay with him for a long time..knowing those flaws.
Anyways.
Here's a couple pictures of both me, and my brother with his girlfriend.
peace and love my brothers and sisters
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Saturday, July 6, 2013
I Want To Be Your Regret
I want to be that mistake you made.
As you bite your lip.
As you sigh.
As you twirl your hair.
I want to haunt you.
Remain in your head when you close your eyes.
Even as he fucks you.
I want to be that lingering smell.
Of cologne and cigarettes.
Slowly fading away as you wear my shirt at night.
I want to be that regret.
That makes you wish you could travel in time.
Before those words came tumbling out of your mouth.
I want to be that hole you dug yourself.
The should've.
Wouldn've.
The probably had to, but wish you didn't.
I'll be the confusion in your life.
The light you look for in anothers eyes.
The crumpled letter you still flatten and read.
After a long night at the club.
Makeup running in that pretty dress of yours.
I want to the craving after a solo bottle of wine.
The cause of that trembling hand as you reach for the phone.
The cause of that stammering voice.
"I need you"
Finally, maybe i'll be that knock on your door.
In the pouring rain I step inside.
And quickly we shed our clothes.
Come morning, i'm gone.
Come morning, you need me.
I want to be your regret.
As you bite your lip.
As you sigh.
As you twirl your hair.
I want to haunt you.
Remain in your head when you close your eyes.
Even as he fucks you.
I want to be that lingering smell.
Of cologne and cigarettes.
Slowly fading away as you wear my shirt at night.
I want to be that regret.
That makes you wish you could travel in time.
Before those words came tumbling out of your mouth.
I want to be that hole you dug yourself.
The should've.
Wouldn've.
The probably had to, but wish you didn't.
I'll be the confusion in your life.
The light you look for in anothers eyes.
The crumpled letter you still flatten and read.
After a long night at the club.
Makeup running in that pretty dress of yours.
I want to the craving after a solo bottle of wine.
The cause of that trembling hand as you reach for the phone.
The cause of that stammering voice.
"I need you"
Finally, maybe i'll be that knock on your door.
In the pouring rain I step inside.
And quickly we shed our clothes.
Come morning, i'm gone.
Come morning, you need me.
I want to be your regret.
thought blurb
People are rightfully infuriated over the shooting of a dog by police in balitimore.
And if you watch the video, it's pretty gut wrenching.
What i've noticed is that people are mad, extremely mad. And people who usually wouldn't comment on such an issue have come forward in their displeasure.
So the video has gone viral. And continues to do so.
The outcry, in my opinion, has a little more behind it than just the shooting of an innocent dog.
I think it speaks towards a larger issue of unecessary police violence. In the past year the number of cases involving police breaching their authority have been astounding.
But this isn't a new trend. This type of behaviour by police has been going on since the beginning of the institution. The only difference today is that we are all the paparazzi.
We all have our camera phones and recording devices. Which can catch video and audio in real time. We can then post those videos online and they can go viral. This all makes us amateur journalists in a sense.
So police would be wise to keep this into account. We are watching. And we will not accept police officers who step outside the bounds of the law. The law, which I may add, they took an oath under to protect.
But the shooting of a dog is just the beginning. What if it had been a 14 year old boy/girl? It's not outside the bounds of reason they would catch a bullet to the head.
So we're all left with a bad taste in our mouth. And I'd like to see movements made from here. It's unfortunate though because these type of situations serve to increase the gap of trust between the public and police officers.
And if you watch the video, it's pretty gut wrenching.
What i've noticed is that people are mad, extremely mad. And people who usually wouldn't comment on such an issue have come forward in their displeasure.
So the video has gone viral. And continues to do so.
The outcry, in my opinion, has a little more behind it than just the shooting of an innocent dog.
I think it speaks towards a larger issue of unecessary police violence. In the past year the number of cases involving police breaching their authority have been astounding.
But this isn't a new trend. This type of behaviour by police has been going on since the beginning of the institution. The only difference today is that we are all the paparazzi.
We all have our camera phones and recording devices. Which can catch video and audio in real time. We can then post those videos online and they can go viral. This all makes us amateur journalists in a sense.
So police would be wise to keep this into account. We are watching. And we will not accept police officers who step outside the bounds of the law. The law, which I may add, they took an oath under to protect.
But the shooting of a dog is just the beginning. What if it had been a 14 year old boy/girl? It's not outside the bounds of reason they would catch a bullet to the head.
So we're all left with a bad taste in our mouth. And I'd like to see movements made from here. It's unfortunate though because these type of situations serve to increase the gap of trust between the public and police officers.
Thursday, July 4, 2013
Happy July 4th (This blog has nothing to do with that though)
I am eating a delicious candy bar-hersheys cookies and cream.
God I love that candybar. So when I saw them on sale ( 2 for $2) I couldn't help myself.
I also picked up coconut body milk..err..something like that. A rockstar energy drink ( I have work later) and some new bodywash ( my old stuff didn't excite me anymore) I've never been a fan of axe bodywash/spray/deodorant. It reminds me too much of grande nine, before I realized the magic of cologne, where I would proceed to spray myself down head to toe with the stuff..and think I smelt good.
Compounded on this is of course the horrid smell of various axe flavours that fill a locker room. Mix that in with hawaiian humidity and you make for a pretty toxic environment after gym class.
So i'm off axe-been off axe for at least 5 years. But I find bottles of the stuff find their way into my bathroom through gifts or promotional packages that sort of thing. I ended up going for my old pal Old Spice (insert promotional commerical here) but seriously old spice has had my back for a loong time in terms of bathroom products. Their bodywash and aftershave definitely play a major part of my getting ready.
Smelling good is something I enjoy. That seems like a pretty basic concept eh? But take a bus ride anywhere and you'll quickly realize that the rest of the world isn't on board with always smelling good. Granted, some are getting home after a long day of labour. But I think this is a very small percentage of those who smell bad. The justifiable excuses are slim. I've smelt bad before though-trust me. But you can be sure it was after sweating my ass off.
Shower daily-just do it. Not saying you must apply any soap or wash your hair. But get under the water-it feels good. The water against your skin reminds you of being alive. I won't get into that though..not at the moment.
There was a point to this blog. And it stems from a conversation I had last night with a friend regarding relationships. Especially long-term relationships.
Why do they fail? Why do they succeed?
Monogamy is an interesting thing. This idea that two people begin seeing eachother and subsequently stop sleeping with other people. A matter of justice? The rules seem to be ingrained in how we enter relationships. Ok so we're banging now..you're not banging other people right? So intrestingly enough people tend to set up preliminary rules to a relationship..before it can even be called a relationship to begin with! If you are both remaining exclusive to one another. And you are seeing eachother on a frequent basis. And you are having regular sex. Then that is the cross-over to becoming "official"?
I've found that people tend to walk a blurry line between seeing a person and actually full-on dating them. And in the end someone always tends to get hurt. Whoa! I'm just part of the dating scene here. So why the crappy feelings of rejection?
I've found that dating is an easier way to meet someone you will be with long-term. I have friends who experience long gaps between romances because they don't put themselves out there. But in a way, I can't blame them.
The road rash from a failed "whatever we are" can be unsettling.
There are, of course, no rules to dating. What it really boils down to is the simple question "Do I like this person enough to date them?" And I think that answer is one of those "If you have to think too much about it-then you don't".
So perhaps we should be more careful as to who we get naked around. Because the physical intimacy that comes with sex seems to always carry baggage. And unconciously we become attached. My theory is that as much as we'd like to say we can control those emotions-we can't. Sex can be a minefield for hurt feelings.
Of course as we grow older sex becomes less of a "huge deal" and more of a "thing that happens between adults" ..At least that is my hopeful perspective. But there is something there..in regards to sex..a certain intimacy and affection that plays into it.
At least that's in my experience. I don't have "shut the fuck up and bend over" kind of sex. I find that mutual pleasure comes with a mutual understanding of said pleasure. Ie-Hey I care if you come just as much as I do!
Sex and dating seem to go hand in hand. But they certainly don't agree with one another. Dating promotes promiscuity, freedom of choice, lack of pressure. Sex promotes exclusiveness, cravings, jealousy, hurt.
I'll take my sex..but hold the dating.
That's all folks.
peace & love
God I love that candybar. So when I saw them on sale ( 2 for $2) I couldn't help myself.
I also picked up coconut body milk..err..something like that. A rockstar energy drink ( I have work later) and some new bodywash ( my old stuff didn't excite me anymore) I've never been a fan of axe bodywash/spray/deodorant. It reminds me too much of grande nine, before I realized the magic of cologne, where I would proceed to spray myself down head to toe with the stuff..and think I smelt good.
Compounded on this is of course the horrid smell of various axe flavours that fill a locker room. Mix that in with hawaiian humidity and you make for a pretty toxic environment after gym class.
So i'm off axe-been off axe for at least 5 years. But I find bottles of the stuff find their way into my bathroom through gifts or promotional packages that sort of thing. I ended up going for my old pal Old Spice (insert promotional commerical here) but seriously old spice has had my back for a loong time in terms of bathroom products. Their bodywash and aftershave definitely play a major part of my getting ready.
Smelling good is something I enjoy. That seems like a pretty basic concept eh? But take a bus ride anywhere and you'll quickly realize that the rest of the world isn't on board with always smelling good. Granted, some are getting home after a long day of labour. But I think this is a very small percentage of those who smell bad. The justifiable excuses are slim. I've smelt bad before though-trust me. But you can be sure it was after sweating my ass off.
Shower daily-just do it. Not saying you must apply any soap or wash your hair. But get under the water-it feels good. The water against your skin reminds you of being alive. I won't get into that though..not at the moment.
There was a point to this blog. And it stems from a conversation I had last night with a friend regarding relationships. Especially long-term relationships.
Why do they fail? Why do they succeed?
Monogamy is an interesting thing. This idea that two people begin seeing eachother and subsequently stop sleeping with other people. A matter of justice? The rules seem to be ingrained in how we enter relationships. Ok so we're banging now..you're not banging other people right? So intrestingly enough people tend to set up preliminary rules to a relationship..before it can even be called a relationship to begin with! If you are both remaining exclusive to one another. And you are seeing eachother on a frequent basis. And you are having regular sex. Then that is the cross-over to becoming "official"?
I've found that people tend to walk a blurry line between seeing a person and actually full-on dating them. And in the end someone always tends to get hurt. Whoa! I'm just part of the dating scene here. So why the crappy feelings of rejection?
I've found that dating is an easier way to meet someone you will be with long-term. I have friends who experience long gaps between romances because they don't put themselves out there. But in a way, I can't blame them.
The road rash from a failed "whatever we are" can be unsettling.
There are, of course, no rules to dating. What it really boils down to is the simple question "Do I like this person enough to date them?" And I think that answer is one of those "If you have to think too much about it-then you don't".
So perhaps we should be more careful as to who we get naked around. Because the physical intimacy that comes with sex seems to always carry baggage. And unconciously we become attached. My theory is that as much as we'd like to say we can control those emotions-we can't. Sex can be a minefield for hurt feelings.
Of course as we grow older sex becomes less of a "huge deal" and more of a "thing that happens between adults" ..At least that is my hopeful perspective. But there is something there..in regards to sex..a certain intimacy and affection that plays into it.
At least that's in my experience. I don't have "shut the fuck up and bend over" kind of sex. I find that mutual pleasure comes with a mutual understanding of said pleasure. Ie-Hey I care if you come just as much as I do!
Sex and dating seem to go hand in hand. But they certainly don't agree with one another. Dating promotes promiscuity, freedom of choice, lack of pressure. Sex promotes exclusiveness, cravings, jealousy, hurt.
I'll take my sex..but hold the dating.
That's all folks.
peace & love
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Get Out While You Still Can
The issue with an unfinished poem is that perhaps it will become necessary to change the ending. It can start out happy and positive but life can affect the outcome of the poem. So you will see an abrupt shift in attitude in this poem. It is what it is.
Between you and I just a couple of dreams and a few tears
Both trembling as fate nears
And the crowd jeers.
Unafraid I face those who rose to the challenge
Of expressing oneself and wilding out fuck the right route
Never knew what it was
And I never knew what I was capable of
Until I switched my perspective to a view from above.
If we can survive push to shove that's love.
And after that who really cares
As fate stares
And time passes
I draw your name on my notebook during classes
Just a sucker for those eyes and that smile
I lean back close my eyes think of you awhile.
Getting to that part of the song where the beat hits
I want to grab your hand and dance to life.
Your something like my light
Something like a doctor staying overnight cause they believe in my fight.
The last thing I remember was hands on my chest.
Breath on my face.
Lips on mine.
Could have been you or the doctor trying to save my life.
"He's got chest wounds, someone's cut him deep with a knife"
Family stressing in the waiting room.
Mother with a creased face.
"My devon, couldn't keep a girl if it was to save his life"
And I'm awake but not awake as the scene unfolds.
We had just had dinner on some patio in some city
and we we're walking back to my place
and i'm noticing how pretty the lights are against the night sky
like how darkness can make things illuminate
like rising above it all and shining
and just like that she's talking
and i feel myself going down this tunnel.
this feeling of how she's ending things.
and i'm just saying hello to fate
as it creeps on me at the most unexpected moments
and from that moment
it was just like that time
and any other time before
when they left.
enjoyed the ride
came and went like the tide
So now i'm back to skipping rocks along the water.
Holding my brother and mother close like life rafts.
Scared everyones going to take off.
To chase ideals I don't seem to meet.
"It's not you it's me".
But no seriously fuck you for saying that because it is me.
But it's not a matter of me trying to change.
It's a matter of me finding someone who appreciates me.
I was pretty rattled last night.
Went for a walk with no destination in mind.
And as always I found myself alone.
It's been awhile but I blew some smoke.
Watching the smoke enter the night sky.
And a strange cold draft came on that hot humid night.
And I shivered and held myself.
Realizing this is my life trying to tell me something.
Get out while you still can devon.
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Monday, July 1, 2013
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