How Did You Feel?

In this section I'm talking to myself. Asking "How did you feel when..." These posts are based on my own life and will makes sense to very little. But my blog is used for multiple reasons, and sometimes I just want to blow off steam. If you get anything from it-awesome.

When I got down to thinking about it. I wanted to wild out. I was angry and I had to look inside myself and explore that anger. I think we all get angry like that. And sometimes our actions are a direct reflection of that anger. Sometimes we don't give ourselves time to think over things. We don't explore our own emotions. We become victims to those emotions. And then we furthur victimize others around us to make ourselves feel better.

Yeah, I was pissed. I felt I had been wronged. And rejection brings a feeling of wrongness. It was a delayed anger. I think just being in an airport and having a flight be delayed like it was. I spent 4 hours in the airport before I actually took off. And after awhile of messing around on the computer and reading I was just walking around mulling over things. Airports remind me of a lot. And a lot of it is hard goodbyes and warm hugs that have since turned cold. I did a lot of back and forth between b.c and wpg when I was with her so I can't help but be reminded of it all. Especially when i'm arriving back in wpg and i'm passing by all the people greeting loved ones. It reminds me of her. But such is the way of life.

So there I am steaming over the latest events and I got on the plane and i'm still pissed. And i'm making all these plans to like do something about it. Like i'm going to blah blah blah. Not even worth mentioning on here. But I was going to cause some shit. And I look over and there's this little kid bouncing on his dads lap. And i'm just instantly warmed by this cute little kid. I fucking love little kids. And I tussled the kids hair and the dad didn't mind and the kid laughed and took a liking to me. Just so happened the dad needed to use the washroom so I offered to hold the little guy for a bit. It completely shed my shitty attitude.

I gave the kid back and realized i'm not that person. I'm not a guy who is going to name call or shame someone just because they don't want to be with me. I realized I needed to stop basing my happiness off how others view me or treat me. I know deep down when battles need to be fought and just left alone. But if people try to take my kindness for weakness then I will fight those battles. I just need to be selective. And I think I know when to fight and when to just walk away.

I believe in my own heart. And I trust the judgements it makes. So while I think some have been given a free pass to treat me in a certain way, i'm not going back and kicking up shit.