As per usual I would like to apologize for my absence. School has begun and I've been nervously pouring through my readings. It's a "keep my head above water" feeling. And I take comfort in this feeling in the same way a swimmer does after a good workout. Routine has brought a certain sense of calm to my life. And also being thoroughly involved in humanities courses is an asset as well.
The air has cooled down considerably. I've stopped placing my fan directly in front of my at night. And I've actually (gasp) closed the window in my living room/bedroom. I love the fall season. I enjoy wearing hoodies and jeans over t-shirt and shorts. I'm not really a beach kind of guy. I'm pale and European and belong in a castle somewhere in Wales.
So let's get into these thoughts that are swirling around my head before I dive into another sociology chapter.
The first thing that has been bothering me is the actions of a close friend of mine. Long story short, he's been involved in a long term relationship with a healthy (emotionally) girl. She is attached or "in love" with him and is what one could say "a good thing" for him. As opposed to his rather toxic relationship to his past girlfriend. A rather emotionally unstable and cruel girl. But i'll get into that later.
I'm a little conflicted folks. You see, my friend and his partner have been experiencing some rocky patches lately. A rocky path that climaxed ( no pun intended) in my friend casually seeing another woman. The issue is that he was still a very much taken man. He had not ended things with his girlfriend before pursuing and achieving his advances towards this "other girl". I apologize if my lack of names/structure makes reading this awkward. But i've been adamant about keeping this blog nameless.
Let's not dress it up and take it out to dinner. He cheated. It's an ugly word for an ugly action. And this is where i'm conflicted. As a very good friend to my friend i find it hard to maintain a position of "I support you". Because I don't feel that a supportive position is healthy for anyone in this situation. I enjoy them as a couple. However not at the sake of one of them being misled or abused.
While the relationship may have been going through a rocky patch. It doesn't excuse my friends behaviour. It goes against my morals. And it also confuses the fuck out of me. It reminds me of T.I;s song "Why you gonna go and do that? "love huh?". Can a relationship where a partner cheats be defined as a "loving relationship?" And if the answer to that question is "no"..then why fight to remain in that relationship?
My friend sat with me at dinner and explained the situation with me,. Choosing to exclude certain details of course..but this is the human condition. I can't blame someone for doing something I would do. I frankly can't stand hypocrisy. It's the ultimate form of ignorance. however I don't think I would ever find myself cheating on someone. To me this is a sign of immaturity. No matter the age, people cheat because they do not want to face a certain reality. Things are ending with your partner and you've begun to embrace the idea of being with someone else. However, let's be adults here. A certain sign of maturity and courage is the ability to end things with your partner before choosing to be physical ( or even emotional) with someone else. This may be a "difficult" thing to do. But if you cheat on your partner and then hide that from them. Perhaps under the justification of "I don't want to lose them"..well...whose "best interest" are you really thinking of? Seems to me that your simply looking after your own ass.
Harsh, but true. And the interesting thing to note is my friends partner. Who seems to be reduced to a backdrop. A sort of safety net that will be there when things go wrong with the new girl. Another harsh but true reality is the following question. "What if things had worked out with the new girl?". What if she turned out to be amazing? In this situation she turned out to be rather flaky ( more a statement of her age) and half-interested in my friend. But perhaps she had been amazing?
The argument against me would be something like this. "Devon, he realized how special she was in this other girl" In other words "by experiencing this other female he was able to deduce that losing the original girl wasn't worth it". Therefore my critics would say " this is the power of love" "That although a girl did come into the picture she was not able to tear these two lovers apart". A valid point. And I'm still a believer in love being powerful. So the love defeats the infidelity..or so it seems.
I know you can detect a certain amount of skepticism in my voice. I just feel that my friends partner got screwed over. And I also find it a little annoying to hear him moan and whine about his current situation. He made is bed and now should lie in it and think.."how did this all come about?". At the very least LEARN from it. It's like the lesson from all this is lost by all this notebook true romance bullshit. Love isn't "let's treat each other like shit and count the years until we die" Or at least it's not my perspective of it.
I don't mean to ramble on here. But things end for a reason. And it doesn't mean that the relationship becomes less of what it was because of it. Relationships begin and end. They have a natural life cycle. When i think about all of my past relationships. I have no negative feelings. I don't "hate anyone" that I used to date. People drift apart..it doesn't take away from what I experienced with them. A romantic dinner is still a romantic dinner and still a pleasant memory for me. However we are all human and are victim to emotions that can be uncontrollable.
Enough of all this. I'm just an observer and the reality is I can't put myself in anyone's shoes. But I don't support my friend cheating. I also wouldn't recommend to his partner to remain with him. These are stances I'm not swaying from. I don't wish ill on my friend. But I'm a friend..not a sidekick who will nod at everything he does and ignore. But two people who want to be together will be together..and maybe that's all that love needs.
d.r
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