Mental Mind Wash

Tears come in different forms. The anatomy of the tears tend to fit the situation. Some tears come hard and fast as we furiously wipe them away. These tears are filled with explosive emotions. They can be happy or sad tears. But they come quick. Other tears are thick and heavy with the weight of the world. They build up in the eyes and drop down across our face. We tend not to wipe these tears away so quickly. Those tears are free to dry on the face and collect around the corner of our mouths. I find myself experiencing heavy tears more often than the quick ones. I’ve also found that I do much less crying as I age. Am I stronger? Or have I numbed myself to certain situations? Silly questions I’m asking myself. I’m happier, and that is why the tears are less frequent. But the heavy tears. They come from somewhere. They hold a weight that are the issues I push to the back of my mind. I came out of my teenage years alive, but not unscathed. I came to accept certain things in life. And as I enter my mid-twenties I know that dwelling on my problematic childhood will get me nowhere. But the tears do come, and I know they are coming. The day will feel strange. I’ll feel very connected with others. I’ll resist the urge to hug strangers. And then I’ll make it home and allow the tears to run down my face. And I’ll think about my past. But no real answers come to me. I just let the emotion run its course and attempt to write about it. It’s my brains way of washing itself out I guess. Kind of a mental mind-wash. Yes, I just said that.

The best advice I can give anyone experiencing pain is to mold that pain into something positive. When life gives you lemons..that kind of thing. But sometimes certain things just can't be fucking molded! They are rock hard fossils that won't be altered and could survive an apocalypse! So, what to do with these memories...

I suppose i'll have to grudgingly accept them as my companions. They are me after all...they compose me. 

-Dev