Insecurity

The thing about being a man is you're not supposed to show weakness.

They say insecurity is ugly.

I could go into how destructive this can be on a young boys life. But that's not the topic of this post.

I feel insecure sometimes. And I wish I could make it go away.

The thing is there's two parts of my ego. The ego in which I am my own superhero. There are lots of times I look at myself and my life and say wow i'm blessed. I'm blessed with ok looks and great friends. A loving family and a healthy body.

However, I get insecure sometimes. That's the other part of my ego. And it lurks in the shadows. Ready to come out when i'm at my weakest.

When I feel insecure these are things I think about.

-I don't have a car. I don't even have a license.
-I ride a skateboard around but I can't do much on it.
-My friends are great dancers and gymnasts and i'm out of shape and skinny. And I can't dance for crap.
-I live in a really small bachelor apartment. It's about the size of a postage stamp. Sometimes the door rattles when cars pass by lol. This happens frequently throughout the day.
-I'm 23 and only in my second year of university. I feel like it's going to be an eternity until I get a degree. Not too much mention I want to chase my masters.
-I'm really pale. I could never tan. People always ask me why i'm so pale. When I was young i got teased mercilesely about it. The residual effects of that stick with me. Although i've come a long way in self confidence when it comes to my skin. When I go to the beach I know I stick out.
 -I got dumped in a pretty brutal way in october and i still deal with a little self-conciousness about it.

This isn't an entirely negative nancy post though. I'm actually very humbled by the above points. I have flaws in my ego and i'm willing to admit it. This felt nice.

peace & love