Delayed Childhood...Nowadays

Nowadays
I go for walks at night
And find myself at the park with a can in my hand
Swings used to be for swinging
But now they are for thinking
As my feet dangle and draw figures in the gravel
Those days the future was the only thing
Now the past seems to dominate my thought
Oh little one how I've learned and lost at the same time
How i've kissed and missed all the girls you used to dream of
In pitch black I took in albums and imagined myself in armour
Saving their lives just to make them see
That maybe little old me could be the one they want

Guess the split didn't hurt as much
The years passed and formed a kind of crutch
Cause that's just the way things always were
I saw you much less than him
And when I did head over
You were laying in bed
Sometimes I'd crawl in
At a young age I didn't understand the ruts of life we fall in
Schedules and overnights
Voices raised in hopeless fights
Inside my room there was a cruel book
All about sons and dads and the love they share
It was fucking cruel whoever put that in my room
Because all I did was look and compare

Nowadays
Drink too much
Am I weak?
Think too much
A hard truth we may all have to accept
That we've leaned too long on the past as a crutch
My mother telling me about childhood delayed.
I'm just glad I haven't had to witness no more tears at an airport gate
Nowadays I know i'll see you momma i'll see you again
Back then I didn't understand the politics of divorce
I learned at a young age to sit up at night and let the pain run its course
Calming down my bedsheets no longer muffle my cries
A grown man with a silly smile enjoying the cool fall air and starry skies

My childhood delayed

-D.R