Letting Things Get To Me

Last night I furiously deleted the "dating" app Tinder. And by furiously I mean I pressed the icon down and waited for the promt clarifying the delete to which I responded with a YES YES FUCK YES.

Now, this post really has nothing to do with poor Tinder. I'm not bashing online dating in any form. If the shoe fits, wear it. I mean..I tried to wear that shoe and it didn't fit me. But I tried.

This post is more about my reaction afterwards. Because let's be honest. If tinder was working for me, i'd probably still be using it. And why didn't it work for me? Well it probably doesn't work for a whole lot of people. I don't know..I didn't get matches. It's fucking silly. But..

I was upset about it and then became upset at myself for being upset..get it? And I did ask solemnly out loud..

"Why do I let things bother me so much?" 

I DO let things bother me a lot. And i've never been able to control it. I've heard all the advice. Read all the inspirational blogs. Read pick up artist books ("The Game" is actually a pretty good read, but not to be taken seriously). Gone on random vacations. The list goes on and on..but the emotional side of me never leaves.

And it's probably a case of "you can't have one without the other". Would I even be writing this blog if I had a nice hard emotionless shell around me? I probably wouldn't be conflicted. I'd be sleeping right now instead of heating up a pre cooked stuffed chicken breast and cracking into a king can of moosehead beer.

Lately i've been trying to calm myself down. I need something in my life. Because pursuing someONE to fill that space is super unhealthy. Nobody needs the burden of being your empty space. But hmm, something needs to be done.

And there we are. No actual conclusion made. But you know what? I'm going to TRY to be less fucking crazy.

But in the end my poems and my dreams taunt me with a life I don't have yet.

Ps-If you're reading this mom. No i'm not going to jump off a bridge.

-Dev