Work Convo's

I caught a glimpse of a girl on my co-workers screen while he used his phone today.

The conversation went like this"

"I see you got yourself a shorty?"

"Hah, well kind of my shorty"

"Dude if she's your background on your phone then she's your shorty"

"She likes to fuck with my head"

"How so?"

"Well she doesn't want to be with me...but she wants me around"

"Been there bro"

Hush Young Poet-Rough

at times I shed tears for no reason
guilty I wipe away the tears
as if i'm comitting treason
they say shush now young poet
cause heartbreaks out of season

i'm all over the place
thinking of my final casket
and the long blonde hair of the flower girl
as she tosses lilacs from a woven basket
the intricate design twisting and turning
i'm waiting for the love of my life with my stomach churning

i'm running with my children
pushing them away just hoping they turn that bike around
pushing them away just hoping they turn that life around
i'm holding a small child in my arms
and one day i'll be gone
with only my notebooks to paint a path
you can do it my child
flourish in my aftermath

i'm holding my mother as she takes the last breaths of life
i'm fucking punching the wall as the pain cuts me like a knife
i'm driving at high speeds in the rain
swerving down the windy hillside
I come to the place where it all began
with trembling hands I pull out my pen
and the clouds moan with wind
saying hush now young poet
heartbreaks out of season

shushh young poet
don't be scared to die
just close your eyes and fly
your child is calling
daddy
daddy
your child is calling

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The End Of "The Nice Guy"

I wrote a blog post earlier about being depressed. And while the writing made me feel better at the time..I eventually slipped back into the funk I was experiencing before.

This started to worry me. I became worried that I was actually becoming depressed. At the very least, experiencing depressed episodes. I'm a generally even emotioned guy. I don't have highs and lows unless something is occuring in my life. I've had some tough times, and the highs and lows generally come from those times. But lately my life has been boring-but not depressive. Well that's what I was telling myself. I was so confused as to why I had this bi-polar set of emotions. It was so unlike the usual devon. The mild-mannered tough-to-life devon. And well my readers..we all have to hit a bit of rock bottom to realize what's actually going on.

This is going to be a rather long post. Just giving a warning. Feel free to leave at a certain paragraph and come back later. But the main goal is to keep you reading.

Let's begin with this "nice guy" complex that is my best attribute and worst enemy at times. All my life girls have told me "your such a nice guy devon" or "your so sweet" "your so cute" "your not like those assholes out there devon". And i'm torn on these statements because I feel being a nice guy has worked in my advantage..but also to my disadvantage. Lately i've been quite moody and depressed. I've found myself in these strange negative moods. Just laying on the couch reliving past events. Most is shit I should have gotten over already. So to multiple on my shitty mood..i'm blaming myself for getting worked up over petty shit.

The "nice guy" thing has to end. And i've struggled with this decision over the past couple weeks. But i've realized that a lot of my shitty mood has a lot to do with recent events. Especially the last girl I saw..or whatever the fuck you want to call it. Let's just say the last girl I slept with really fucked with me. She treated me in a way that some of the worst guy's I know treat girls. I can honestly say she got away with a lot of what she did because I was so busy being a nice guy. An "understanding guy" I should say. But I realized today that i'm not doing myself any favours by pretending everything is ok. As a matter of fact, i'm really pissed off by what that girl did to me. I decided to write down my rant. And it was an ugly and brutal rant. I can say with full certainty that I could have destroyed that girl and her reputation amongst my followers with that rant. I wrote it all down and decided to delete it. I had gotten it all out. And I figured enough time has past since we last saw eachother. It wasn't going to be useful to bring up old ghosts. But what's important is my realization i'm sick of being the "nice guy".

Devon Reid is no longer the "nice guy". It's not a title that I will hold proudly anymore. And any female that decides she's going to fuck around with my emotions is going to feel the wrath. But this isn't a post about how "tough" I am. I've let people walk all over for me for far too fucking long. And this is me saying i'm not going to allow myself to be played a fool. I did myself a dis-service by holding it all in. I lied to myself and said "it's ok" but it really wasn't.

FOR NOW I HAVE MY OWN BACK. AND THIS ISN'T ME PUSHING THE WORLD AWAY. THIS IS ME SAYING I'M GOING TO FIGHT BACK. I HAVE LET THE PAST GO. BUT THE FUTURE WILL BE DIFFERENT.

I've spoken of the benefits of being a nice guy before. If you are a nice guy you will attract a nice girl. But you will also be taken advantage of. My problem is that i've let people get away with doing that. It's not right, and i'm damn well going to make that clear.

So perhaps this isn't the death of "nice devon" but a reformation of him. I'm changing the rules and boundaries to my life.

Allow me to enter the future a new man. Let me believe in love. Let me smell the flowers. But sharpen my sword. Instill in me the courage to face the world with the courage of a lion and the tenderness of a young cub. But it must be known a new age has come. No more hiding. No more fucking holding back for this man. 

Sincerely, the realest words I've ever spoken.

-d.r

 

To Tip Or Not To Tip...

Rationally Speaking had an interesting article on Tipping and I thought I would weigh in with my thoughts.


 Free Music - Download Audio - Tipping

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The Well-Meaning Asshole

I wish the best on the people close to me. It seems like an obvious statement to make. But sometimes my advice may seem contradictory to happiness. It may seem to go against an ideal or hope that one may hold. Such is the way of raw and real advice. It comes from a genuine place. Truth hurts as they say..

That's why lately i've been struggling with harsh words and the usual "i'm happy for you". As I grow older I find less time for bullshit. Let's get right to the point. You and your signifigant other broke up and are now back together. The "second run" at rekindling a romance that died in the first place. And I don't need to have the full story here. I know that you've come to an agreement over how to define what you are "now" as opposed to when you were an "official" couple. But one thing is for sure...you're hanging and banging. So basically still a couple. The difference is the duct tape you've now patched up the relationship with. It's not the same as it once was. And it's liable to peel off in the future. It's little things like "let's take it slow" or "let's not rush back into things"

All these idealist schemes created to convince onseself that the love is still there. Welll I'll make the controversial statement that the LOVE ohhh the LOVE you are trying to preserve failed once and will fail again. So here I am..the cynical friend with melancholy advice. But the doomsday advice comes from an sincere place. I can only know so much about things. And I'm genuinely rooting for the happiness of all.

I don't think I wish despair on anyone. But i'm very aware of who gives a shit and who doesn't. If you don't give a shit about me. Then vice-versa. Simple as that.