Nightmares

Ever get a horrible thought stuck in your head and can't get rid of it?

I just recently watched the movie Dagon

I've been reading HP lovecraft for awhile now. I just came across him at the library and picked up this real thick book of short stories he's written. A few movies have been made from his stories and Dagon was one of them. The thing about about all of lovecrafts movie adaptions is..the acting kind of sucks.These aren't big budget movies whatsoever. But what the acting lacks, it makes up for in general fucked upness.

But long story short I watched Dagon and now I feel as if the side of my couch has some sort of scaly skin. Like a ripply sort of skin. Ugh even describing it gives me the shivers. Please let this mental horror leave my mind.

-Dev

Tears

when the giant cries the world shakes
and everyone feels his pain

when the tiny man cries the tears collect at his feet
and if he's lucky they will take him away

and when the tough man cries he angrily brushes them away
he stand in the mirror fists clenched to face the new day

when the poet cries the pen loses grip
he walks down sunset drive looking for company and wine to sip

when the mother cries she must hide them from her children
for they must not know that pain, not yet

all these tears falling hopefully to help us grow
so let not those tears go to waste

hold on to the moments.

-dev

The Inevitability of Life

No matter what, we will experience things.

And yes, this is a rather obvious statement. But for example, lately my life has been pretty absent of major life events/changes. I take it for granted, but also crave change. But when the time does come ( and it will) will I be so happy to accept it?

And what about those bad life events. The inevitable break up (stats show the majority of us won't be together until the end) or the loss of friends by way of life and death? The death of family members? MY death?

It is all so inevitable.

A co-worker of mine had his last shift at the restaurant today. He had been with the company for 6 years. And I mean, for the restaurant industry, that's a pretty long time. It sure feels like a long time to me when I think about the fact that six years ago I had just graduated high school. And i've never been with a job for more than 3 years ( good old mcdonalds). He seemed sad. And I mean rightfully so. We attach ourselves to places and people. And the inevitability of life shows that soon we will have to say goodbye.

"That's life, you know?, sometimes you have to move on"  I said

And for a moment I just sat there. And I thought about how i'm some ape hurtling through space on some giant land mass. I just felt..helpless. Helpless towards life because LIFE HAPPENS and it happens in a certain direction which is filled with love and happiness but also filled with death and heartbreak.

And you must move on from all this in order to grow. But the point of it all..well I can't be so sure. There are many religions that could fill that void. But I prefer to remain a humble ape.

A humble ape just fucking and crying and hugging and just moving through this inevitable life.

-Dev

Poetry At The Strip Club

I can't hit the strip clubs
I catch all the bad angles
Tired eyes
Bodies twisting and turning on floors glistened with sweat
Bright lights on the vlt let's bet
Behind the makeup she tries to forget
Or maybe i'm talking shit
It's every womens right to get naked
But i'm looking around me curious
Wheres the celebration
Tears and fears, the faces salivate they rate they hate they snakes and fakes I can't see straight
I'm wasted and I've had enough of greed
Let it rain
Walking home I hop puddles
And wonder the stories of those I don't know
If an outstretched hand would be accepted without suspicion
Not here to fuck let's pour some tea
And tell me who you really are
Not what they want you to be.

-Dev

Salt Wound Words

I cringe and writhe under your salt wound words
It's all over now
So why why why
Are you still speaking
My phone rings in the depths of night
I know its you
Leave me be
Let me sleep
But in the end I answer
As if anything could be different

It'll never be different
And i'm packing up all patched up heading on my way
You've got plenty phrases up your sleeve
Slick things to say
The sober night sits so still
Punctured by your drunken words
Trying to stumble back into my life

Your explanations bring back old sensations
I get it we don't work don't sweat it don't say another thing
Go away.
Don't need your salt wound words today.

 -Dev

Thoughts

Every once in awhile i'll go out with a friend who still hasn't grasped the concept of alcohol +girls+social situations.

Call me a bit of an old man. But fist fights at the bar are PRETTY unecessary. I mean, unless we're saving lives here, I'd rather not find myself behind repeatedly struck in the head by some battle hungry bouncer. I came to the club for a good time. Not amateur MMA matches.

When speaking to girls, my recommendation is that you actually SPEAK to them. Some friends of mine can't seem to carry on any real conversation with females. They simply yell at them from across the bar. Or they are still on the whole impression that insulting the female will win them over. This isn't middle school anymore.  Nothing is worse than standing directly beside your friend while he accosts a female and she's just giving both of us this look like "really?" I'M NOT WITH HIM..WELL I AM..BUT YEAH

I'm sure females can relate to the friend who hasn't been able to grasp the concept of limitations when consuming alchohol.

With males it's less stumbling around and crying, more fist fights and yelling. Ah, how simple the division between males and females become when we're shit faced.

-Dev

Good Vibes

My job has been going through a lot of employees as of lately. Some are new hires that just don't stick around. And a couple are employees that have been there for years.

I mean, it's natural for kitchens to have a large turn-over rate. For many, kitchen work is not the career they are aspiring for. So kitchens tend to be a sort of "pit stop" for people on their way to something else. There's also a little bit of uncomfortable truth that kitchen workers can be well..scummy. I mean I work in a kitchen and don't find myself scummy and I work with others who I don't find scummy. But time and time again you'll see what could have been a very talented cook who just can't seem to lay of the booze and drugs.

Like I said, kitchens have a large turn-over rate. But what i've been noticing lately is the attitude of many of these people leaving the company. They seem to harbour some kind of inner guilt about the whole situation. They have all gone to certain lengths to explain to me why they are quitting. Which involves a certain amount of bad mouthing about the company. I find it irritating for a couple reasons:

1) HEY I STILL WORK HERE AND ACTUALLY DON'T MIND IT

2) It's not my job to make anyone feel better about their own decisions. I hate when I find myself in the situation of having someone spray their insecure verbal diarhhea in my direction. At the end of the day you must answer to yourself. If you are quitting, then simply quit, work your last shifts, and move on. Why are all these seemingly grown men acting like children? Nobody gives two shits about a worker who just started, his issues, or his problems with the company. Everyone wants to make it seem like they are making the right decisions. But I don't care! It's not my job to rub your back and tuck you in at night.

Good vibes people. Despite maybe disliking my kitchen very much, why not leave on a positive note?

Humble the fuck up.

-Dev