Timber Tinder

Ah, a nice blog post about the dating app Tinder. As if there already isn’t enough of those already. But this has weighed on my mind for a few days so I thought I’d air out how I feel. My history with Tinder is like a bad relationship. I first downloaded the app about a year ago and have since deleted and re-added the app a couple of times already. Currently I have the app and I’m going to delete again. I guess this blog post can serve as a reminder as to why I’ve had such a tumultuous relationship with an app. It’s different from anything else really. The majority of social media I come across I either never use or use quite frequently. The middle ground is probably only this blog. But what I’m saying is that no other app or program has me deleting, reinstalling and then deleting on a frequent basis. So there’s some controversy between myself and the app.

When I first came across Tinder I thought it was great. It was a fun speed-style dating app that reminded me of an electronic form of speed dating. Lacking of course the physical presence of the person in front of you. You begin by crafting your profile (a few pictures and a description) and setting up the distance and age of your potential match. And then you’re off to the races. But then begins one of my first problems with the app.

It kind of turned me into an asshole that I (swear) I’m not. The swiping mechanism works like flipping through a photo album at high speeds. You see something you like? You stop. But I found myself being more vain and shallow than I am in real life. Truthfully I appreciate the beauty of women in all shapes and sizes in the real world. But for some reason without the real-world application I became dis-associated with the reality of relationships. In the real world I can appreciate so much more about a person than their looks. Looks play a large role in physical attraction, of course. But Tinder had me reluctant to pursue someone if that immediate physical attraction wasn’t met. It’s not how I roll in the real world.

Tinder is widely considered a hook up app but is still categorized as a dating app. And I thought about it and came to the conclusion that it really doesn’t matter to me. Hook up or relationship the app wasn’t for me. I don’t necessarily lower my standards for a hook up. People aren’t commodities to me. I understand that emotions exist and I try hard to be aware that the world doesn’t revolve around how I feel. Has a possible hook up came about on Tinder with someone I matched and found attractive? Yes, once or twice. One stands out in particular as being one of the reasons I deleted in the first place last year. I matched with a girl and chatted with her one night while out with friends. She made it preeety clear that a hook up could happen if I wanted. It was up to me, however, to start down that road. Chance was there, didn’t take it. Why? Sounds funny but it’s probably the most obvious reason-I wanted to get to know her better. So I punked out and maintained conversation until the offer had seemingly past. A couple days later I thought of something creative to say and got no response. The thing about it, I’m not opposed to hook ups. Random or not. I think it’s just the situation in which that comes about. Going home with someone that I’ve been dancing and making out with all night at the club seems more organic and normal for me. I’ve certainly done so in the past and never had the voice in the back of my head that Tinder brings.

But yet, even when the girl is cute and a hook up isn’t on the table I’ve backed off. I’ll send compliments and make a witty line or two but stop before it fleshes out into anything tangible or real. It’s a psychological exploration. Tinder made me realize that although I fully support dating apps they aren’t for me. Not yet at least. But I have the advantage of being able to socialize and express myself without reservations. Not everyone has that. Nor does everyone have the time to go out and “get to know” people. I’m kind of stuck in that situation at the moment. School is really important to me now and I find myself living life with a “head down, always busy” kind of attitude. I’m also in a very strange transition with my maturity, lifestyle, friends and entire thought process. Getting older. The tumultuous twenties as I’ve referred to them before.

I’m fully in support of dating apps because I like the idea of finding alternatives to partner finding. How it goes now it’s like you’re only as available as you are known to people. The wider the social circle the wider the connection that come from that circle. Most people walk right into a potential partner (literally) at a SOCIAL event. So if your life is lacking on the social side, it becomes difficult to meet people. Imagine moving to a completely new city?

The transition I spoke about-deserves its own post. My last thought on this issue is in regards to humanity. I realized a long time ago that I feel for those I don’t know. It’s some kind of emotional hypersensitivity. There’s some name for it. It’s good and bad. Lots of things out of your own control when you feel like that. But I don’t want to discount someone because they may not be a potential physical partner of mine. I value friendship deeply on a different level than physical and emotional intimacy. 

Perhaps that's why Tinder isn't for me-for now. I think what I'm looking for most lies in eye to eye contact and the bravery of the approach. I'm too much of an addict for intimacy in the real world. 

Sincerely

Dev