Wow. Already halfway through Jan. Time is passing quick lately and it seems to be going even faster when I think "I haven't written in awhile"
"I haven't written in awhile" Begins as a lighthearted remark i'll make to myself. A small smile follows, with the confidence that in a day or two i'll write..something. At the very least..something. But sometimes the stretches go longer than that. Months may pass, and i'll say to myself quite alarmingly "I haven't written in..forever" And then begins a cold sweat with the thought that I may never write again. Something isn't right when I don't write.
This is my first foray back into the blog. It gathers dust that I sometimes blow away and furiously refill with poems and thoughts. I consider myself like many other "bloggers" (people who use blogs) because we all have this idea in our heads about what the blog will be. It will be the greastest blog of all time! A true testament to my writing abilities. And the notoriety that will come forth..I'll be famous! Instead, we tend to post sparingly and gaps between those posts increase as our lives ask for attention elsewhere.
Here I am, drinking a coors light and feeling quite depressed about my headphones breaking. For three reasons actually. One, it just sucks when headphones break. Two, I had bought these headphones in order to use the attached microphone. The whole idea was that I'd start (again) a famous audio podcast that would replicate and supercede all of my favourite podcasts. Didn't happen. Actually found it quite difficult to speak into a microphone completely by myself. Three, the headphones didn't just stop working. The audio is all warped like someone is yelling at me from down a long auditorium. So, my headphones are dying and i'm witness to it.
Besides the dead headphones i'm also transferring 300 GB of data from my laptop on to an external HD. Two hours left...This explains why I'm here writing this.
I had another dream the other day. It will probably make it's way into a compilation of writing I'm working on. Poetry that Dreams are Made Of. It involves a forest and a strange man. Inticing, I know. But these dreams are so vivid and inspiring that I've had to do something with them. They don't fade away like other dreams. They stick and demand something from me. As if I'll always wrestle with the memory until I put it on the page. To place things on a page is to rationalize to a certain point. It's to pass something from your mind on to the page. Or canvas for you artists. When you pick up a piece of paper it is quite light. But the weight in your head can be lifted by placing it on this piece of paper which miraculously has no trouble hearing you out.
Leave it to me to get all geeked out about a furiously written upon page. Take a blank page and fill it with streaks of ink. Blots of blue and red rage. Compare empty to full. Take an empty ballroom (how my broken headphones sound) and infiltrate that room screaming your head off. Fill. Create. Be.
The strange man in the forest terrified me. But in the back of my head I knew he was right. I'll tell that story soon.
-Dev
Monday, January 19, 2015
Monday, December 29, 2014
A Dream I Had
The past is fixed.
A blown kiss frozen in the winter air
We leave ourselves
Turn away from what once was
Twist and turn in our bed begging for the good dreams
Leering faces greet me at the crossroad
Whispering "don't go there"
I watch my friend jump into the river
Count the seconds for him to come up for air.
Horrified, I attempt to run
But am held back from the voices
These voices not coming from any particular direction
All around me, everywhere
They rain down on me as I struggle to stand under the weight of the words
"You cannot run from your past. It will chase and haunt you. In order to free yourself from these chains you must adjust your perspective. The past is fixed. It's meaning and signifigance can be altered, however. Freedom isn't easy. There are those that ran and died for freedom. Dangerous rivers and barren fields covered in landmines dotted their path. Your freedom is much more difficult to attain."
"Freedom of mind" I say matter of factly. Watching the words slide out of my mouth.
"Yes. Once you close your eyes at night your subconcious will take over and make decisions for you. This is a deeper side of yourself. Power that lies in the dark folds of your brain. Explore it, the answers lie beyond.."
"It's the knowledge that will save us all. To know love. To feel love"
"To know love to feel love"
"To know love to feel love"
"To know love to feel love"
I cover my mouth, not simply to stop the words, but in the horror of what is appearing before me.
My friend drifts facedown in the river.
-D
A blown kiss frozen in the winter air
We leave ourselves
Turn away from what once was
Twist and turn in our bed begging for the good dreams
Leering faces greet me at the crossroad
Whispering "don't go there"
I watch my friend jump into the river
Count the seconds for him to come up for air.
Horrified, I attempt to run
But am held back from the voices
These voices not coming from any particular direction
All around me, everywhere
They rain down on me as I struggle to stand under the weight of the words
"You cannot run from your past. It will chase and haunt you. In order to free yourself from these chains you must adjust your perspective. The past is fixed. It's meaning and signifigance can be altered, however. Freedom isn't easy. There are those that ran and died for freedom. Dangerous rivers and barren fields covered in landmines dotted their path. Your freedom is much more difficult to attain."
"Freedom of mind" I say matter of factly. Watching the words slide out of my mouth.
"Yes. Once you close your eyes at night your subconcious will take over and make decisions for you. This is a deeper side of yourself. Power that lies in the dark folds of your brain. Explore it, the answers lie beyond.."
"It's the knowledge that will save us all. To know love. To feel love"
"To know love to feel love"
"To know love to feel love"
"To know love to feel love"
I cover my mouth, not simply to stop the words, but in the horror of what is appearing before me.
My friend drifts facedown in the river.
-D
Mountains
Cold stares once thawed
Soft eyes glimmering in the summer sun
Harsh words once soft kisses along your collarbone
Shaking hands with my cigarette I never smoke
Curled together on a dark night we barely spoke
Unecessary, the onlookers say
But don't you see? It had to be this way
Because we built mountains, you and I
Mountains that touched the sky
And mountains make a scene when they come crashing down
They shake the ground
Pushing some together with love and forcing fear to pull others apart
-D
Soft eyes glimmering in the summer sun
Harsh words once soft kisses along your collarbone
Shaking hands with my cigarette I never smoke
Curled together on a dark night we barely spoke
Unecessary, the onlookers say
But don't you see? It had to be this way
Because we built mountains, you and I
Mountains that touched the sky
And mountains make a scene when they come crashing down
They shake the ground
Pushing some together with love and forcing fear to pull others apart
-D
Friday, December 12, 2014
From The Vault-I'll Never Forget
I wrote this four years ago.
I'll never forget.,
Your false blame: Sending me out in the rain with no umbrella. Smacking me when I come home wet. This is the atmosphere that you created. It was your cold touch that I always hated. Through the years I grew from a boy to a man. And instead of understanding and accepting I pushed the thoughts under the carpet. Shoulda known they'd resurface. Shoulda known I'd never forget. It's all out on the table now and im hungry for answers. You'll stand trial and serve your time. The counsellors have been kind. They say you need a hobby, gotta occupy the mind. So I laced my sneakers and ran a mile with a pained smile. Around every corner I see your face. My hearts fucking with my head. Memories holding me back while I struggle to get ahead. I want to break free from the crowd. It's so loud and sweaty. I got my fists raised to the world. You can bet I'm ready. The leaves are falling now. The wind whistles aganist my window. The voices are calling now. The youth look for some kind of representation. Bottle to my lips, I wonder why they chose me. Although it's true not much else can faze me. You can knock me out, drag me through the streets and tase me. But don't get it twisted
-Dev
I'll never forget.,
Your false blame: Sending me out in the rain with no umbrella. Smacking me when I come home wet. This is the atmosphere that you created. It was your cold touch that I always hated. Through the years I grew from a boy to a man. And instead of understanding and accepting I pushed the thoughts under the carpet. Shoulda known they'd resurface. Shoulda known I'd never forget. It's all out on the table now and im hungry for answers. You'll stand trial and serve your time. The counsellors have been kind. They say you need a hobby, gotta occupy the mind. So I laced my sneakers and ran a mile with a pained smile. Around every corner I see your face. My hearts fucking with my head. Memories holding me back while I struggle to get ahead. I want to break free from the crowd. It's so loud and sweaty. I got my fists raised to the world. You can bet I'm ready. The leaves are falling now. The wind whistles aganist my window. The voices are calling now. The youth look for some kind of representation. Bottle to my lips, I wonder why they chose me. Although it's true not much else can faze me. You can knock me out, drag me through the streets and tase me. But don't get it twisted
-Dev
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
Roundabout Of Love
"I'm seeing other people"
She said with defiant eyes
Those kind of eyes that could tell no lies
There was no hidden joke
No background disguise
It took me awhile to take it in and realize
Back out of the room I'm stuttering
Walk around downtown muttering
They think i'm crazy
Can't help but agree, reality getting hazy
Can't seperate want from need
To let it all go, or succumb to the greed
Officer stops me saying "You look like you've walked a hard road"
I looked at him and said "I've scuffed these shoes on the roundabout of love and back"
"And if you don't mind me saying sir, so have you, so have we all, so join me for a cold beer and snack"
There were no calls that night
No hearts broken
But the sirens always ring in the distance
Mothers of the sons hold their hearts in hand
And pray the night brings their boys back.
From the roundabout of love
-Dev
She said with defiant eyes
Those kind of eyes that could tell no lies
There was no hidden joke
No background disguise
It took me awhile to take it in and realize
Back out of the room I'm stuttering
Walk around downtown muttering
They think i'm crazy
Can't help but agree, reality getting hazy
Can't seperate want from need
To let it all go, or succumb to the greed
Officer stops me saying "You look like you've walked a hard road"
I looked at him and said "I've scuffed these shoes on the roundabout of love and back"
"And if you don't mind me saying sir, so have you, so have we all, so join me for a cold beer and snack"
There were no calls that night
No hearts broken
But the sirens always ring in the distance
Mothers of the sons hold their hearts in hand
And pray the night brings their boys back.
From the roundabout of love
-Dev
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
Devil In The Hallway (Full)
Devil in the hallway offers me a price
I think for a moment and then she's grabbing me by the arm
"I miss us"
And for some reason I believe it all
Stumbling backwards into a room
The memories familiar but she tastes new
Realization that nothing can be the same
How can I keep it up with all the questions racing through my head
My fingers burn along her back
But the pain is the familiar and I can't pull away
Thrusting myself further into sinful pleasures
Her face changing, the air changing, becoming thick
A moan? A laugh?
I'm hearing both at the same time
The devil is laughing at me and i'm running, running
Down the never ending hallway
Get me out, out of this deal
Can I escape?
The time I flirted with the past and it accepted.
Only nothing can be the same
No matter how much of your soul you're willing to let go
Let the past burn and let's run
Run away from this place
When they made love she looked into the mirror behind him
And the eyes that looked back were not hers
She had become a stranger to herself
A whisper passed through the winter wind
Liberation
Of the mind and sexuality
Casual sex with a strange reality
Nails dug deep
Make up runs down her face after he leaves
Uncertain foundations
If only she could hold on
To remind him that she meant well
But inside herself, a battle
Two sides of herself, a battle
Between the lust and logic of the mind
Craving less sense and more magic
But how much of the soul will she lose in the process
Down the never ending hallway she runs
Past the flames that seemed to spark in his eyes
Smolder in his touch
Burn it all down, she agrees
"Just take me with you"
-D.R
I think for a moment and then she's grabbing me by the arm
"I miss us"
And for some reason I believe it all
Stumbling backwards into a room
The memories familiar but she tastes new
Realization that nothing can be the same
How can I keep it up with all the questions racing through my head
My fingers burn along her back
But the pain is the familiar and I can't pull away
Thrusting myself further into sinful pleasures
Her face changing, the air changing, becoming thick
A moan? A laugh?
I'm hearing both at the same time
The devil is laughing at me and i'm running, running
Down the never ending hallway
Get me out, out of this deal
Can I escape?
The time I flirted with the past and it accepted.
Only nothing can be the same
No matter how much of your soul you're willing to let go
Let the past burn and let's run
Run away from this place
When they made love she looked into the mirror behind him
And the eyes that looked back were not hers
She had become a stranger to herself
A whisper passed through the winter wind
Liberation
Of the mind and sexuality
Casual sex with a strange reality
Nails dug deep
Make up runs down her face after he leaves
Uncertain foundations
If only she could hold on
To remind him that she meant well
But inside herself, a battle
Two sides of herself, a battle
Between the lust and logic of the mind
Craving less sense and more magic
But how much of the soul will she lose in the process
Down the never ending hallway she runs
Past the flames that seemed to spark in his eyes
Smolder in his touch
Burn it all down, she agrees
"Just take me with you"
-D.R
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