My Departure From Religion

Growing up religion was never really a part of my life. My family didn't attend church and when I asked my dad what religion we were he answered "protestant". But my dad's not a religious man and i think he said that just to shut me up. He had a lot of one liners to shut me up when I got too nosy. Anyways, growing up the church was around. I always saw it and wondered why people go. I knew religion was important to people. Even as a child I knew that it defined the lives of people. I knew it was a very important thing to some people. And in fact I still understand and respect that. At this point in time I liked the idea of god and heaven. I liked the idea of hanging out with loved ones etc etc. Bouncing on clouds and seeing dead celebrities lol

When I was in grade nine I was approached by a guy who was into street hockey. At the time I was living in Hawaii so it was difficult to find a white dude into street hockey. This guy asked me to hangout. Told me he was part of a youth group. I knew it was a slighty religious group. But the situation didn't make itself clear until I was in the thick of it all. I remember the first day clearly. The guy came and picked me up and took me to a religious store. It was called the giving tree I remember that. In the store we gathered around a table and did bible study. I didn't have a bible to I borrowed one. It was dry, I tried to stay involved. I felt pressured to maintain a sort of religious demeanor. I was not a religious at that time and i'm suure it showed. After the bible study we packed into a large van and headed to the church. Along the way we picked up other people and blessed a lady in a burger king parking lot. I felt fucking foolish to be honest ahaha laughing out loud right now! Once we got to the church things were a bit cooler. There were cute girls, albeit religious, and the church was more like a nightclub. There were good bands playing and we all danced and had fun. Nearing the end of the service they called anyone who hadn't been to the church before up to the front. They welcomed us. I felt like king shit. I belonged.I was part of something. This detail is important because it's a glimpse into the attractiveness of religion..especially a born again church as this was. People go to church for the community and the belonging. There is a certain kind of self confidence that is gained from faith.

I was taken to a side room with about ten other people. There I was sat down in a chair and spoken to one on one with some dude. I really don't know what made him the dude to talk me lol. But he asked me who I wanted to pray for. And I pulled some shit out of my ass "My mom and brother" so he then begins to chant in tounges. Aabajba,bab like fuck I dunno what he was saying. I learned later that toungues is a human connecting with god and using his voice or something. Sounded to me like he learned some obscure chant.
It raised my eyebrows and defined the rest of my experience at that church.
In the following weeks the dude who had originally invited me became more and more agressive with his "invites"
I don't remember exactly how but I remember being felt pressured into going. Like here was this moral thing I should be doing. And if i skipped it, was I a good person?
Again..some manipulation there. The idea that morality is bred from religious doctrine. In fact the last couple times I went completely out of guilt. I just felt like jeez I should probably go.
Sometimes the church would have a few of us stand on the sidewalks outside the church and hand out flyers. Looking back on this pisses me off. Like do your own advertising you shitheads.
The cash grabs continued. This church offered get aways to cleanse the soul. All with a hefty price tag. But you would be born again! Except it's going to cost close to $1500 on some camping trip. Bulllshit.
The entire time I attended the church my guilt grew. I didn't believe any of it. I tried my best to grasp certain elements of christianity and use it proactively in my life. And in some ways thats possible, But the core belief system was not my thing.
I stopped returning the guys calls. Finally my mom stepped in and told him I was no longer interested.
Never really saw him around school after that.

In the years that followed I searched for answers. I came across a website from a canadian atheist. He had written 10-15 essays on atheism and I eagerly ate them up. It made a hell of a lot more sense than christianity. For awhile I was a devout atheist. Nowadays i'm more of a spritual guy. I've drifted from atheism to apatheism. Which is basically the idea that the question "Is there a god?" Is irrelevant. It's not part of our lives. My friends joke and call me an atheist with a bad attitude lol
I just don't involve myself in religious debate. To each their own. But I feel that organized religion is an attempt to capitalize on spirituality that we all feel. People are like "we feel something" and others are like "Well come to our church and spend your money and we will provide answers"

Not a fan of organized religion but a supporter of individual spirituality

peace & love

Devon's Tips For Finding A Good Guy

The thing is about girls is they have these conflicting ideas of what they want in a relationship/man.

It seems like the projected image on media is a classy guy with a heart of gold. He's a little less attractive but he makes up completely for it with random roses and lavish romantic gestures. These are the men who are protrayed in the media and the ones whom girls seem to swoon over.

Cut to reality. And the picture is painted a little differently. In reality, and this is just what I see, girls tend to go for what seems to be the opposite of the ideal man. They go for the wannabe thugs. The dudes who drive lifted trucks and have expensive rims. Those men who over compensate for what they lack between the legs. You know what i'm talking about though. In st james those little wannabe thugs run around all over the place. Sometimes I have to ask myself if i'm in long beach or winnipeg lol.

These dudes treat their girls like crap. And I'd like to share a funny story.

I ran into a girl once at a party. And just so happens that the conversation turned to her looks and how they have affected her over the years. It was an awesome conversation because she was truly beautiful. She was telling me that in high school she dated a guy that was deemed "a fucking geek" by the majority of her grade. She would often get asked why she would stoop so low. "He's such a dork, he's not that good looking" they would say.
But then she smiles. And leans closer to me. And what she said i'll never forget.
"But he had the biggest dick i've ever seen" "And he could make love to me in a way all those jocks could not"
"You see devon he knew how to pleasure me, these jocks would huff and puff and grunt and thrust their little dicks into me and say "You like that?" and i would have to lie and say yes.

"But this guy knew what I liked. He would kiss all up and down my body, It was amazing"

Touche...

So what are my tips?
1)Self confidence is different than a huge ego. Self confidence invoves the ability to acknowledge ones faults and from there..make oneself a better person. A dude that thinks he can fight the whole world and that he's packing the biggest penis probably has neither of those qualities.
2)If he absolutely needs to know who you are hanging with, wether they are male or female, and why didn;t you invite him? Probably a good sign to get away. Especially the whole who are you with and are there any guys.  This is a reflection of his own insecurity. But it's also telling of how he thinks of you. Not a whole lot of trust there right? Trust is a pillar to a relationship. It's part of the foundation. Warning signs..
3) If he hits you or verbally abuses you, lose him. Call me or someone from my friend group and we will take care of any danger you feel to be in.
4) If he doesn't want to meet your parents..suspect.
5) If he tells you that you're sister is hot and hits on your sister..suspect.
6) Same with your mom.
7) You can often tell someones priorities by the sacrifices they make for you. If he's saying shit like "i'm a free spirit" and he is trying to have sex with other girls while with you..lose him. Cause being a hippy doesn't give you a right to be an asshole.
8) If you catch him making love to a man..lose him. Or join? aha.
9) If he wears white sunglasses..lose him lol
10) All jokes aside if he doesn't make you feel beautiful then understand there's guys out there that will.

Relationship's are a two way street. But don't find yourself walking the lonely road while he's gunning the engine of his sports car and calling you a bitch to his friends.

peace & love

Insecurity

The thing about being a man is you're not supposed to show weakness.

They say insecurity is ugly.

I could go into how destructive this can be on a young boys life. But that's not the topic of this post.

I feel insecure sometimes. And I wish I could make it go away.

The thing is there's two parts of my ego. The ego in which I am my own superhero. There are lots of times I look at myself and my life and say wow i'm blessed. I'm blessed with ok looks and great friends. A loving family and a healthy body.

However, I get insecure sometimes. That's the other part of my ego. And it lurks in the shadows. Ready to come out when i'm at my weakest.

When I feel insecure these are things I think about.

-I don't have a car. I don't even have a license.
-I ride a skateboard around but I can't do much on it.
-My friends are great dancers and gymnasts and i'm out of shape and skinny. And I can't dance for crap.
-I live in a really small bachelor apartment. It's about the size of a postage stamp. Sometimes the door rattles when cars pass by lol. This happens frequently throughout the day.
-I'm 23 and only in my second year of university. I feel like it's going to be an eternity until I get a degree. Not too much mention I want to chase my masters.
-I'm really pale. I could never tan. People always ask me why i'm so pale. When I was young i got teased mercilesely about it. The residual effects of that stick with me. Although i've come a long way in self confidence when it comes to my skin. When I go to the beach I know I stick out.
 -I got dumped in a pretty brutal way in october and i still deal with a little self-conciousness about it.

This isn't an entirely negative nancy post though. I'm actually very humbled by the above points. I have flaws in my ego and i'm willing to admit it. This felt nice.

peace & love

Super sorry I never post..err..here's some photos?

No Argument About That

 She's beautiful, there's no argument about that.
But what are her dreams, aspirations, resignations?
What keeps her up at night?
What has her rubbing those beautiful eyes in the starlight?
Memories serving as caffeine consolations.
Her long dark hair flows over the corner of the bed.
She's makeup-less fantasizing among the constellations.
And they do blink out sometimes.
And she thinks a lost world.
A lost boy.
A kiss that almost happened.
So close that she can almost grasp how it would have felt.
His hot breath on her face.
His warm hands on her body.
But he's gone and packed up his trunk.
And set off with a pack of cigs and a dream,

She's beautiful, there's no argument about that.
I was so nervous to hold that hand.
Especially crossing that river.
On a shaky rotting log.
The water flowed oh so fast.
Those jumping jaws of denial and regret.
But together we got across.
And fell into eachothers arms
Tumbling around the tall weeds.
And that sweet smell of sap and pine in the air.

Take a run with me.
Grab my hand and let me tear you away.
You see girl I have the world in my hands.
Come closer I'll let you join the embrace.

Get away
Get away
Gotta get away.

Audio Blog-Rejection

I've come a long way girl, you don't even know.

I couldn't hide from the memories.
Sweating under the bright kitchen light.
Interrogated by the flourescent vibe
Sweating.
I gotta answer the questions.
And they always come.
Tumbling out of your mouth after a hard day of work.
The words sting.
The accusations you hurl, burn.
The flourescent look opens me up.
Yeah I keep secrets girl.
And if you keep digging in the wrong places you'll come across what i've buried deep.
Can you handle that?
Can you handle me?

I hope when I take off my shirt you trust me.
Tracing your finger along my chest.
Girl what are you looking for?
It's not going to be easy dealing with me.
I'm worth the struggle but if you're not down with it all there's the door.

Stealing from the rich and giving it to the poor.
But girl, girl...girl you always want more.
What you looking for?
You want me to pack my things?
And slam the front door?
Stomp the steps?
Reverse time?
To another time.
With the sunlight.
Before the rain and pain.
Before hearing my voice drove you insane.
Before the radio began to crackle
And the heat got to us.
And we were sweating and fighting.
Under the hot sunnnnn our love was igniting.
And i'm cupping my hands around the flame.
But it's slowly slipping through my fingers.
Like water
Like sand.
Sick of this hourglass romance.

I write little one liners
Hoping you could fill the gaps
Instead there's this silence.
I can hear the water in the taps.
You drum your fingers on the counter expectantly.
Brush back those locks.
Eyes fierce.
You want war.
I sense danger and excuse myself to the corner store.
Along the way kicking rocks.
Watching them scatter and slide.
I need to roll one up.
Find a cloud of smoke I can confide.
But that was years ago.
I've come a long way girl you don't even know.