2am

February is a fucked up month..

Some days being nice and warm and then there's a night like tonight..desolate and cold.

Still gathered up the will to walk over to the beer store and grab a couple king cans.

Spent the evening with a lovely lady sipping red wine and talking about life. Love the fact that we can just sit there and talk for hours on end. Still, I'm taking things slow and I hope she's ok with that. I've been through some shit..as somebody who has read this blog will know.

I'm not out to hurt anyone. It's a downfall of mine. I tend to put other feelings ahead of mine. We can hurt people that way. Ironic right? Hurting people we mean to help. But there is such a thing as being "too nice"

Make your stand is all I can say. Make your stand on how you feel. We all know in our hearts how we feel. Don't deny yourself to yourself lol Seems like a silly and easy concept to grasp but we lie to ourselves often,

Enough preaching. Shit. Like I said i'm sipping on a king can and burning dvds. I picked up a case of blank dvds from shoppers drug mart cause i'm wayyy too lazy to take the bus ride down to polo and then the subsequent 4 block walk to wal-mart. I've always silently ranted "Why can't there be a wal-mart closer to me" I know its a pretty evil corporation that kills small businesses. But still..roll back those prices motherfuckers!

My dad finally responded to my email after 2.5 weeks. Ah well he's a busy guy. And I can honestly say he's changed 100 times for the better over the past couple years. His failed relationship with leslie truly made him realize he has nobody except for family. It's a harsh eye-opener. And I know he harbors some guilt. But I love how our relationship has strengthened. I just wish the rest of my siblings could say the same. But then again, I always stood by his side. Sure, at times i literally wanted to kill him. But I never turned my back on him. Call it foolish devotion. I call it love. Meh, yeah I do believe in the hallmark postcard love. The gag-me-with-a-spoon love. It exists in the harsh times. The true push comes to shoves. We see our true friends and true love in the darkest of hours. Feel free to tweet that.

One thing I never want to do is allow heartbreak to define me. I see it all around me. Guys make attempts at covering the pain by distributing pain. My heart leads me down many paths. And I am a sucker and I follow. But I wouldn't live any other way. My life is not something to be figured out or rationally thought out. It's a crazy fucking mess.

March is approaching fast-real fast. Seems like this month flew by in a blink of an eye. No matter, february isn't my favourite month.

Let the summer months drag and winter months fly by.

Peace and love.

2am

This is the first of a mini series of blogs I want to post titled "2am".

The idea is that i'm always up at 2am with tons of thoughts swirling around my head. Thought I'd start writing them down as a recurring theme.

I'm drinking my go-to beer molson dry wishing i had a joint. Tonight my mind is on the past. I'm feeling very nostalgic.

It's fascinating to watch people change. Even more fascinating to watch myself change. To think back on the past five years and see what formed the 2013 devon.

But inevitably thinking of the past brings me to you. Who shall remain nameless like voldemort. I realize i just said voldemorts name. Opps!

I guess that's it between us.
Look, I accept it all. I accept you don't want me talking to you. I accept everything that's led to where we're at now. But I definitely don't like it.

I got home from the rap show a couple days ago and finally admitted to myself that I miss you. I think I'll always have a spot for you in my heart. I'll always have an interest in what you're doing and how you're feeling. I still feel slightly protective of you.

I guess the way I think. How I conjur up these perfect worlds in my head. Kinda fucks me over. Cause I believe in it and I push for it. But you can't see eye to eye with everyone. I mean the brain is a unique thing. We all have our own individual thought patterns.

Speaking of perfect worlds. How do I make things work with the new girl? When it already seems like the odds are stacked up against us. I feel like I should even be tripping about it anyways though. Certainly not at 2am with a beer in my hand. 2am thoughts should be deep. Damn, I gotta admit I feel these problems are pretty surface level. They aren't really that important in the long run.

Hah, the long run. I want kids I want the house I want the wife. I really want kids to. I'm one of those people that just wants to reach that level in life. I want to pass on my knowledge to my seed. I don't tend to construct my life in terms of justification or a "meaning". To me the beauty of life is how meaningless it all is. How random and beautiful and twisted and unforgiving it all is.

I'm really forcing this all out. I hate neglecting the blog. I've been posting pictures I find on the net and save on my computer as filler. But these posts are what I really enjoy. A chance to free-write and maybe discover some thoughts. It is a public blog thought and I do get views. Although I didn't get the 200 views a month I wanted for january. And I'll never get views if I don't post.

"I just looked up the urban dictionary definition for philly blunt. Cause i made some firecrackers and they looked like blunts. Here's on of the definitions for "philly blunt" 

When a girl is finished fucking her bend over boyfriend and she takes a shit on his dick and then uses a butter knife to spread it evenly on all surfaces and then lights the tip on fire.

I Philly blunted that fool last night."

I think thats fucking hilarious

Let me do a little writing. Excuse me if its messy,

Young feet touch the cobblestone pavement.

Young hearts reach out to the stars.

In hope of a sign.

Of incoming love and many riches.

We were laying in our favourite field.

When I fielded a question.

I said what would you without me.

She said I wouldn't be the woman I am.

I'd still be with that young child who called himself a man.

I sigh cause her past abuse makes me want to cry.

Makes me want to choke some dudes.

But nowadays I'm not the hero I once was.

I'm the one you diss and dismiss and refuse to kiss.

Hah...

The one you diss, dismiss and refuse to kiss.

Young hearts thrive on optimism.

Cause I know i'm gonna turn this insta noodles into a steak dinner.

I'm gonna make my fam proud and become a winner.

Go ahead and point your fingers.

I thrive on being a sinner.

Cause I know my god aint your god.

And he'll never be.

I don't need to capitalize my gods name,

I don't need to organize the masses in my gods name.

I don't need to drop bombs.

I don't need to judge.

Nope, thats not my god.

My god doesn't promise me life after death.

No my god tells me to live my life cause it's all I got.

Most of all I don't need to wear my god as a patch.

He knows how I feel.

i might do something with that god thing. i'm a big supporter of how personal and person-to-person spirituality is.

word.

Night winnipeg.

Budden!

Photobomb

Sometimes...

It's that easy.

Zeek Illa ft Ed E Buk-Up In the sky

Photobomb

It's a lovely Feb night. I just ate a whopper meal (woops). Things are going wel as I usually don't describe the two shittiest months in wpg as "lovely"

I'm in high spirits. And here's some photos to kick off a few posts i'll be making.