Poetry Vault 1

The worst poison disguises itself as potential salvation
But we all walk along glass bridges
With our destruction balanced precariously on the hopes and dreams behind a crystal ball
It doesn't make any sense, does it?
The best advice never does
Because it challenges the moment

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High Windows

By Philip Larkin

When I see a couple of kids

And guess he’s fucking her and she’s   

Taking pills or wearing a diaphragm,   

I know this is paradise

Everyone old has dreamed of all their lives—   

Bonds and gestures pushed to one side

Like an outdated combine harvester,

And everyone young going down the long slide

To happiness, endlessly. I wonder if   

Anyone looked at me, forty years back,   

And thought, That’ll be the life;

No God any more, or sweating in the dark

About hell and that, or having to hide   

What you think of the priest. He

And his lot will all go down the long slide   

Like free bloody birds. And immediately

Rather than words comes the thought of high windows:   

The sun-comprehending glass,

And beyond it, the deep blue air, that shows

Nothing, and is nowhere, and is endless.

Big Black Hoodie

She's so small in my big black hoodie
Head just pops out the top of my big black hoodie
Lake nights with her girls in my big black hoodie
Firewood smell all over my big black hoodie
Woke up one morning and it was gone
Nothing on, but my big black hoodie just covers that..
Don't mind that sass when she's got that..
I'm laying beside her and in the corner of the moonlit room I happen to see
My big black hoodie

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The Manuscript

Just when I thought it was all over
Lightning struck
Fate fell from the sky as a four leaf clover
Fluttered into my outstretched hand
I put it to my lips and blew a constellation of pedals that reached the far points of the world
I hope one found its way into a young writers hands
And he will look at the world in awe at such a chance
At 17 he'll have his first dance
All the wrong steps
His hands wandering along her backless dress
Such a Russian roulette romance
Someone will have to end it at one point
And he'll be furious at his own tears

Angrily wiping them away
Furiously scrawling in his notebook
A recluse from the loss and chaos
A hope book
But yet he learned the power of poetry
Young soul you learned the power...
Of the manuscript.

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Rage Page

I can't let your dark eyes close along with the shadows around me
Barely hanging on and you have control of the pen I hold to cope
I gave it to you
Guess I'll trust you in a way you never trusted me
I've tried
I've tried to reason and rationalize
Tried to downsize
These emotions subdued by cup filled potions
And I see the light at the end of this tunnel
But there's thousands of pounds holding back each step
I just have to do this and I'm not enjoying the moment
Far from an ego moment it's atonement
Feels like a loss but I'll never be a boss of this shit and never wanted to be
I have family so far away it kills me everyday to be away
From
The ones who love me unconditionally
Because I'm Devon and I'm more than my last shift
More than my last hit
Relapsed for years and I can only hope I'm ready to quit
We all have our own stories
I'm the poet in the wrong time
I sit alone in empty libraries
Literature cast to the side
Gimme that netflix fix

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Summer Journal 2

Sitting on the beach
I let the sand fall between my fingers
She's got perfume on that barely lingers
But it's just enough, just enough
A small kiss, a brush of her lips
It's not enough, never enough
We'll both change over the summer
It's tough
Thinking too much just to write this
Just as the sun falls into the distance
And the night keeps it's warm embrace

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Self-Help 1

A couple years ago I set out to change my life. This came with many positive elements but also unique negativity I didn't consider. Change requires a conscious effort to move from one place to another. I believed strongly that the motivation to do so had to come from myself. I began to look at myself as the "new Devon" combating the ways of the "old Devon". Splitting my ego into two different entities. And these two forms of my ego would often interact in scolding sessions from myself to myself. Essentially talking down to myself. And it wasn't pretty. I called myself a failure to my family and a disgrace to their success. I told myself I would be alone for the rest of my life and would achieve nothing. I constantly "fucked up" (in my own opinion) and would have dark moments that would more self-berating then liberating.

 

Dark moments like when I blacked out with rage in my apartment. I tore it apart and sent a row of glass cologne bottles flying into a bathtub. A true miracle that glass hitting porcelain at such a speed didn't shatter any of them-not even a crack.

It feels rather strange to count being happy as a major success. In juxtaposition to having a career, family and other milestones, happiness seems a given with some-a struggle for others. The other day I was just walking around the grocery store and realized happiness hasn't been a real issue for me in recent memory. I have bad days but not in such a self destructive nature as I once experienced.

Don't be so hard on yourself-for real. Change, especially big change, doesn't happen quickly. Set small goals that accumulate. I found setting daily goals and meeting them to be really satisfying. And those all add up to larger changes. And there is no definition of success. That's entirely up to YOU.

I'm not so sure my method to change my life was the right one. I call it the insecurity tunnel. And I'm just coming out of it. Ready to get back out into the world again. But it provided me with an insight into mental health. While my emotions generated rage in an outward fashion. Other's emotions turn further inward and promote self-harm. 

That's all for now. 

dtr

Summer Journal

You took off your heels to play in the water

And I filled them with sand when you weren’t looking

You taught me fun in a relationship like that

How to laugh at each other and kiss moments later

Letting myself go is a turn on

You saw past my ego anyways..

Far past the fist fights
Nails dragging along my muscles
In the latest of nights

dtr

What If You Had Sex With An Animal?

Rasmus Faber & Metaxas - Be Real

Red Soda - On Tape Romance

Chelsea Cutler - Hell (Official Audio)

With Confidence - That Something (Official Music Video)

Muse 4

Love only turns to hate because the heart is beating fast.

I ran into an old lover I cursed for years a few weeks back.

At first I just stared through her as I had done previously.

But something stopped me in my tracks.

I turned around and caught back up

Let her daughter squeeze my finger while we made idle chat

Idle, yet so important

Because as I walked away I felt something strange and new

Resentment off my shoulders

A regular old trip to the supermarket

Who knew?

Robert Parker - Final Moment

A Real Heart Beater

Some may know the patch of sidewalk between the liquor store and drug mart

Is painted red

And I’m wondering why

Tonight it’s so red oh so blood red

Like her lips superimposed against a white dress

 and my life..

So in danger as these strange faces pass me

Flagging down a cab who doubt’s I’ll pay

He smells the booze and smoke

Narrows his eyes in the mirror

I fling a twenty and think I’m twenty..

Something

Getting up there..

Can I just exist without existentialism?

Shivering under the blanket of spirituality

Two things I contest may have you confused

As a poet shouldn’t God and Love be a given?

Yet doubt seems to be realist emotion I ever had

A real heart beater

dtr

India Lake - Girl in New York City (Lyric Video)

Usually not a fan of random Instagram adds but this girl has talent!

DELOS - Trace Decay

Dimi Kaye - The Streets Are Mine

FIFTY GRAND - Scary All Over

Letters Never Sent

Asked the pusher why he sells
He told me to thrive
Asked the user why he uses
He said to feel alive
Some knew the danger
A concrete nosedive
Some slipped and fell
Teetering on skyscrapers
How did it get to this?
Tight rope walking from 50 stories up?
Just the other day homie we were smoking papers
I wish you could see how much of yourself you lose while using
While I slowly fade away from that darkness
Towards the light of my life

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High Again

Mama I'm high again
Told myself the last time would be my last
But sometimes I feel I just can't..
last
Got my feet up riding the bus
My eyes have turned to glass
The blur of the neon lights reflected as they pass
I'm moving a thousand miles an hour
Yet never reaching my destination

I swear these walls are closing in
Can't really tell if I'm flying or sitting down
Fascinated with how timid I could be
To a route I take everyday
I want to talk
I really want to talk
Struggling in the dark for the words to say

A buzz that brings up the past
The walls I've soberly put together all come crashing down
A new perspective on you and I
Maybe you were less of a bitch and I was more at fault
Maybe I did use you for the sex and am a terrible guy
But no..
This is not time for conclusions
I just can't leave it at that

Mama I'm high
Just one more time..
Before I get my life together

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Chest pound/Urban jungle

They say poetry is a dying art.
I wonder if it's already gone in the dull glare of the television screen
Mona Lisa stumbles towards me with a slit throat
And lately I've been taking a step back
Not recognizing myself in what I just wrote
Strange eyes peering from the shelf
These memories of hard goodbyes and long airport hallways
Love and miss my family always.
I just try and remind myself pain is part of the context of life
Time to be strong
A chest pound in the urban jungle

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Thoughts 1

A couple thoughts on my way to work today.
1) Real soldiers don’t glorify their battles.
2) You can’t compromise with fate

-Real soldiers don't glorify their battles because the battle itself is ugly yet necessary.

-Fate has never been a spiritual thing to me. Nobody is really deciding how my life will go. But there are truths to our reality. They say you can do anything. And for the most part you can. But bargain against a truth and you'll realize that we have limits.

The Shazam Series

T-Chart

Warmer than usual weather is a kiss from spring in the wintertime. 
It's a blessing to think like that.
Sometimes I think I'll be alone forever.
It's a curse to think like that.
I used to create a T-Chart to juxtaposition those thoughts.
Late night with pen in hand it struck me. 
Figured I'd just draw a circle around the whole thing.
Those thoughts are all me.
Time to cross enemy lines.


dtr. 

 
 

On the Gram

Hey @cheeracro_ does anyone have a name for this? We tried to invent something new... with @meaghangiesbrecht and @loughery87  #cheer #cheerleading #cheerleader #stunt #summer #acro #handstand #handinhand  #whereihandstand #teamcanada #stumbler #circus #acrobatics #circusinspo #circusinspiration #acroyoga #cheerstagram #cheerallstars1 #ftlosig

A post shared by Nick Verburg (@nick__legacy) on Jan 24, 2018 at 8:02am PST

The majority of America is now cannabis friendly; nearly 60 percent of our nation's population resides in states with isome form of legalized marijuana. 30 states plus Washington, D.C. have legalized medical marijuana and eight of those states have also legalized marijuana for recreational use: Alaska, California, Colorado, Nevada, Maine, Massachusetts, Oregon, Washington and Washington DC. Now, it's the responsibility of these eight state governments, concerned citizens and the leaders of the marijuana industry to also demand justice reform for those who have been the past victims of the war on marijuana, those that will not enjoy the privileges and freedoms that come with this new legislation. A little more than a year after the passage of Proposition 64, at least 2,660 petitions have been filed to reduce sentences for people convicted of pot-related offenses. At least another 1,500 petitions have been filed to re-classify old felony marijuana convictions as misdemeanors or to dismiss them altogether, depending on the offense, according to the Judicial Council, the policy-making arm of the state courts. In the last three years, at least nine states have passed laws addressing expungement of certain marijuana convictions, according to the National Conference of State Legislatures. But no state goes as far as California.

A post shared by The Real Freeway Rick Ross (@freewayricky) on Jan 24, 2018 at 5:58am PST

The Shazam Series

The Shazam Series

Photo of the Day

When you’re more in love after the baby & shit.... | @jnsilva

A post shared by CCD Of Culture | MME (@joebudden) on Jan 21, 2018 at 11:47am PST

Winter Muse 3

Feeling trapped by passion
The way my heart beats when I see her
I'd rip it out of my chest
And hold it away from myself
With the inability
To drop how I feel

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Bridge Thoughts.

"No, if he'd learned anything, he'd learned that the risks had to be taken, the losses accepted. A human being had to care about people, and if they left you or failed you, then you had to find a way to feel it was all worth it". 

The Bridge
Janine Ellen Young

 

Winter Muse 2

You go through it a bit
And the dating scene becomes..
A minefield covered in flowers

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Winter Muse

I had sworn off the world
My chocolate lab and I
But she burst in unannounced from the cold
Scratching his ears
Tail wagging in agreement
While my eyes ran along her legs
To the edge of her dress
And my sanity

dtr.