Twenty-Something

I wrote this poem with risk in mind. Especially the risk of love. But also the risk of life. We all roll the dice with our decisions.

I want to believe in love. And I think my writing displays a sort of yearning for that.

I'll be honest with myself and the world. I am kind of a lonely guy. I order chinese food for two all the time thinking..jeez someone should be here eating this with me. Or i'll put on a good movie and it's like..jeez someone should be here watching this with me.

It can get lonely here in my studio apartment. 

I do what I can to get out and about but days like today-all rainy and stuff-are the days where I just want to cuddle and watch movies.

Anywaysss enough of my complaining. Here's the poem titled Twenty-Something.

Can you see the chaos in these eyes?

Dark blue like an angry ocean.

Got a habit of throwing myself into unwanted arms.

Who can feel me on that?

Tossed from a life with nothing but my hat.

I cluch it close to my chest.

Approaching a new women I try to convince myself she aint like the rest.

But old habits die hard and i'm bout that chest.

So what else?

Sometimes all I got is my board and a dream.

Like I might round a corner and come across a new scheme.

We're all scrambling to become sucessful twenty-somethings

Scared of reaching thirty and looking back with a sigh,

"I want that back"

She can't help but lament as she looks in the mirror.

Counting the lines on her face.

Picturing herself..

Shedding tears at the altar.

Just happy love happened.

That those stars met on that special night.

That those eyes locked at that right moment.

And she was falling into a rut at the time.

Getting tired of work.

Rolling around in bed alone craving a lover.

And he was tired of the same old same old.

And he saw danger in those eyes.

Down for the risk he strolls over.

Down for the risk.

Down for the inevitable plunge that we all take.

When pushed close enough to the edge.

Deep breath.

You gotta believe in love before it appears on a rainy day.

With a comforting glance and a warm embrace.

Just twenty something with a dream...

Logan's Run

So I have a stockpile of blogs that have yet to be written. Took a week off the writing in the blog. Those gaps seem to happen. It's a very natural feeling to take some time away from the blog. This doesn't mean i'm not writing however. I wrote a poem that i'll post seperately.

The other day I watched a movie called Logan's Run. It's a 1976 classic directed by Michael Anderson. He's known for Around The World in 30 Days and Millenium. Not a huge catalog of hits from this director. But let me tell you-Logan's Run is a classic.

I think many different factors play into a good movie. And sometimes it's just a mixture of such random ingrediants that it just works. Like a stew or something. What I liked most about Logans Run was the cheesy special effects. And also the 70's perspective of 2033. Most of the "sci-fi" that is displayed in the movie has already been achieved in present day.

B

The premise behind the movie is this-it's a utopian society where everyone lives carefree with no struggles of money or anything like that. You can even have mass orgy's. The catch-you can only live until the age of 30. Afterwhich you are put up to be killed.
This brought forth of whole bunch of cool moral questions that could be brought up in a philosophy class.

Above all I find how humans view death as fascinating. In the film two characters run away from the society-they literally have to break out. And hence they are running from death. For that moment they will survive. But although the characters do escape-they don't necessarily escape death. They merely have obtained the power over their own lives. So humans want control over life. It's true-we don't want to die in circumstances we don't necessarily agree with. In the movie the characters certainly do not escape death. But they do obtain a sense of control. Death on their own terms..that's the idea.

So it makes me think of my own life. And how possible when i'm quite older I may choose to end my own life. And some people gasp at that. Others question why a youngster like myself would even have these thoughts. But we all think of death. And I think we are all scared of death. Religion being a supressor to this fear. But I think even the most religious of people still shiver when they think of the end. Because no amount of church or religious doctrine can ever satisfy the question-where do we go when we die?

Death is coming for us all. And we will run from it as long as we have the usage of our legs. But someday our tired bodies will slip into the inevitable eternal slumber. That terrifies some people. So would I cash out on my own accord? Right now I'd say i'd be a little too scared. The knowledge of death. As in "I will die if I take this pill" seems to weigh too heavy on the mind. I don't think it is part of our psyche to really decide our own death. I always say that although I'm not religious (slightly spiritual though) I don't fear death. Because death is not a "thing" or an object. Death is a process. The same way the world spins and the sun rises and falls. Death is part of being alive. And we certainly don't experience death. It's not a sensory experience that's for sure.

What are your thoughts on death?

peace & love

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Mango Love

I do love mangos :)

I remember you and me sweating under the mango tree.
Counting the leaves as they fell.
The world ahead of us but we just want to lay here awhile.
I could tell this was more than just fruit obsession.
I want and need you in my posession.
I take a big bite from the fruit of life.
The juices run down my chin.
You laugh and I spread it on your face.
Now we're just a mess of mango juice and that fearless love.
That kind of love that rises into the sky.
And I write about that love as it comes together.
I wished on a shooting star and found you.
Under this mango tree.
Spreading the fruits of life all over our bodies.
And locking citrus flavoured lips.
I'm a sucker for sweet things.
That's why I kiss your forehead.
And tickle in that certain place.
Then your smile tumbles out.
And somewhere lips touch for the first time.
And somewhere trust is assumed as new lovers embrace.
Life can be tough and love can be hard.
But it's all worth this mango and your smile.
And I sit back and revel in the fruity goodness.
It's just you and me sweating under the mango tree.
Not a care in the world.

Baby Baby Baby

I put the soundtrack to the Wackness on my phone just to walk and get some groceries. This song came on and I danced and skipped the whole way.

I have this thing about dancing in public..I just don't give a fuck lol.

Mid-Week Weekend

I sit down to write this blog all sore and happy. Sore because I went for an awesome bike ride. It's the first long one of the season so it kicked my ass a little bit.

There's nothing really I can say about the bike ride besides that I really enjoy riding the bike. It's a relationship with the streets that you don't get by driving around. Street level interaction..

Jed and I were discussing a horror movie on it's way out called The Purge. I was of the opinion that the story idea for that movie is great but the plot was off. The movie focuses on one family during the said "purge". Whereas I would have done the filming at a street level. A movie about all around chaos needs a street level view. Day of the dead style! Yup!

I stopped off at mcdonalds for a smoothie and chicken wrap ( I had a coupon ok) And ran into an old friend who is getting married soon. Guess that's what starts happening as I head into my mid-twenties..yikes.

My sisters wedding is looming closer and closer. Super excited for that. Need a nice suit to wear. I need and want to look very good for that event.

I came home and napped for a bit and now i'm here writing this. No plans for this evening-could be a boring one.  I have something else on my mind but this isn't the platform I want to take with it.

Some things have to stick with me..

peace and love

Selfies & The Male Ego

Thanks for listening.
Love Devon.

Truths

Oh, the pitfalls of standardized testing.

Audio Blog #2

Thanks for the listens.
Love Dev.




Topics covered:
-Text Breakups
-Nightclubs
-Poverty

Things Got A Little Crazy Tonight

Lolita

The lolita films are, in a way, horrible. But I enjoy both of these films. Especially the 1962 version.

Pornographic Fantasies With a Little Dust On It

Ah, sex.
Even better, vintage sex.

I'll admit a little thing of mine. I don't think it's fetish really. But I enjoy vintage clothing on girls and the whole vintage bathing suits thing drives me nuts. High waisted shorts? Yes please.

And I enjoy undressing a woman myself. Foreplay is this awesome opportunity to explore one anothers bodies. And that slow peeling off of clothes is so sensual to me. A little bit after a little bit.

Getting a little worked up over here.!

Be Sure To Find Yourself In The Right Area.

Last night I joined chris & nick and headed to the northlane/structures show. It was a heavy metal. The scene was fucking awesome.

I'm a vibe guy. I enjoy taking a step back from situations and analyzing them. The thick of things was that mosh pit. I haven't seen a pit like that in awhile.

Something about moshing-and the whole scene displayed before me really inspired me. I think it has something to do with creativity. Just to see such raw talent by individuals who really aren't paid all that much. Creativity releases this kind of energy and my god do I enjoy it. I love being in a creative setting. Because usually creativity has a little to do with revolution.

And we have reason to revolt. I don't know why we eagerily eat up society as determined by the government of canada. Or the government of whatever country you may reside in. My issue is that the society that has been constructed for us is not healthy for the mind or body.

The mind is poisoned by mtv nonsense.

The body is poisoned by almost every product advertised on the television set.

And those are just two examples out of thousands I could provide. And to be honest I should do the whole thing more justice by writing a blog about it.

The "scene" as they call it. I've always wondered why it's called the "scene". And there is the obvious answer that it's a lifestyle or counter culture. It's definitely counter culture and it definitely inspires those within it to dress, act, speak and be a certain way. However the "scene" also means the visual.

The visual experience I had last night was noteworthy. The lights. The smoke. The throngs of young teenagers throwing themselves at eachother. The waving arms as young testosterone is almost flung into the air. They gotta get it out somehow. You coop them up in classrooms and teach them basically nothing ( what did you get from high school-not much lol) And so this is their release.

The "scene" was that of chaos. The kind of chaos that dreams are made of. The kind of chaos that rises from the misunderstood.  Our youth are still angry and I fucking love it.

After describing my time at the west end cultural centre. I realize Area nightclub didn't stand a chance.I was so impressed by the show at WCC it made Area seem like a joke. And maybe that's the truth-area is a joke. Are nightclubs a joke yet? Eh, getting there. I don't blame people for feeling that pull to go and dance it up. But as I age I find myself becoming more critical of that "scene"

It was the music that really bothered me. I'm always critical of DJ's. But the thing is-I give props when they earn it. I've heard some really good Dj;s before at stereo, cheer, green room, even tyc has had a couple really good ones. But this guy Dow Jones is a hip hop dj. And he's spinning a top 40 set. Meh, it's not his style! He's a hip hop dj and unfortunately he was out of his element.

The music was good for anyone that wanted to shut down their brain and just move to a beat. I suppose i'm being overly critical in expecting certain things. But once you go see a really good electronic show, there's no going back. The one thing I thought was cool was the breakdancing. That is some impressive stuff!

So the night was overall a success. As usual we found ourselves back at chris's strumming the guitar and playing bongo drums.

Two blog ideas came of this post so I wanted to just repeat them to myself so I can remember.
1) Dangerous society
2) why i dislike nightclubs

And that leads us to the end of this post my beautiful readers. I've been noticing my page has received a lot of traffic lately and soon we will be at 2'000 views which I find impressive for such a no-name blog. I figure i'd get a lot more traffic on Tumblr. But I've grown attached to this blog. I've used it off and on for about 5 years now. But in the past 6 months I've really stepped up the usage of it.

I'm also in the process of producing another audio blog. It's going to be a great time. Leave yourself a good half hour to an hour for that.

peace & love folks

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Middle O May

Winnipeg's never ending winter has seemingly come to an end. Albeit the inevitable late may snowfall that'll leave everyone scratching their heads and wondering why they still live in this city.

I do get moments of panic while out and about Winnipeg. And that panic is centered around the fear i'll spend the rest of my life in Winnipeg. I don't want that. Do you? Hm.

For the majority living here it's a different story though. Most have large family ties here. Cousins, brothers, aunts and uncles. Big family dinners, gatherings, lake trips etc etc. Most people are tied down to Winnipeg-which isn't a bad thing at all.

Me? No family living here. Besides my dad and he's almost never in town. Pretty sure life will find him moving to Ottawa in the next few years. It's the logical step. He flies there a few times a month anyways. However last time we spoke he was sounding like he wants to just fly into ottawa and fly back a few times a week. Having two jobs in separate provinces is funny to me.

Ah well he'll do what he does. The man loves his work. And he's not slowing down anytime soon.

My lack of ties really defines me. I'm a solo dude. Always willing to accept another into my life but I have this feeling of confidence in being alone. I get lonely quite often here in this apartment though. But my ties are limited if any. I love my family but we are scattered across North America. We meet and hug hard and drink heavy while together. It's a celebration. But afterwards we fly back to our respective cities. Which goes like this:
Breagh-Port Alberni
Meaghan-Vancouver
Mom & Kellen-Portland
Tristan-New Jersey
Devon-Winnipeg

Independance can be attractive and unattractive depending on the values one has. I love to see family oriented people. And close knit families are awesome to me. But I simply do not have that and never will. So sometimes I get this feeling that i'm being judged when I do mention that my father and I don't have the strongest relationship. It's not my fault. Not entirely his either but there's a two way street when it comes to relationships. I get the feeling that a lot of people see the dysfunction between my father and I as a product of me being a young punk. That was always a fear of mine.

But those who know me well understand the dynamics of my family. More importantly, they view me as devon the individual. My relationship with family members is a non-issue with my friends. They know and appreciate devon reid and that's all that counts.

To be honest I have been babbling. But if you're still with me I did have a point to this blog. And it centers around happiness.

I was on twitter the other day and I realized that there are certain people I simply follow because of how insanely negative they are. Some tweets make me laugh with how ridiculous they can be. What I noticed about these people is how often they complain and how often they talk about how happy they are.

The complaints are just that-complaints. We can go into attention-seeking behaviour but that's for a different post.
What I found interesting were the "happy" posts. And it got me thinking into the different types of happiness.

Is there a raw happiness that is completely independant of other thought? What I mean by that is the notion of natural happiness that does not require anything else.

I would argue that yes-natural happiness exists. However, a different kind of happiness exists. And this is the happiness that is based on the misfortune of others.

What I see with these people is they are often unhappy. There are things in their lives that make them unhappy. This may be controversial but I think these people enjoy being unhappy. Insomuch as it gains them attention. Or makes for a good twitter post. To me, real depression comes with a silence. A silence that can be deadly at times. However twitter depression seems a bit less real to me. Everyone is different, but I find my real sad thoughts stay with me.
Those dark corner of my mind don't get published on twitter.
So when I do see happy posts by these people I can't help but wonder..why are you happy?
Is happiness capable of existing without sadness? Or does the ying need the yang. In order to be ying?

Hopefully I didn't get over any readers heads here. I'm just suspicious of the type of happy these daily complainers are. There seems to be a more pure happiness then simply saying "well today is better than the last"
Pure happiness is not a day to day thing. It's a perspective thing.
Also, lots of people are selfish in thinking that happiness is something that will just come into their life. No, you must surround yourself with happy people. Exude happiness. It's a karma type thing. The happiness that you put forth with find itself coming back to you.
It's being a good person. And unfortunately there's some people I know who just aren't good people.

Wish em the best though.
peace & love 

Pharrel Collabo's

Pharrell & Kendrick

This is the shit I like to see. Two very talented artists coming together and showing love for eachothers work.

Happy Be-lated Mother's Day

Did I Mention I Love This Dude?

May 13th 2013

I have to be a little crpytic here. Because other's privacy means a lot to me. You'll notice on my blog I hardly use names or talk about people without their consent. A simple funny story is one thing, but I don't attempt to define or deface a person's character.

So, this entry might not make any sense to anyone besides myself. But I'll try. 

In my relations with people however, thoughts and feelings do arise and I am tempted to come here and discuss them.

Today I just wanted to talk about how words can be one thing one day and another thing another day. Recently I heard some words that at first I passed off. But the past couple days they've kind of stuck in my head. And I've begun to question how I approach people.

Perhaps this comes along with the trial and error process I've been experiencing lately. I am my own worst critic when it comes to literally everything My schoolwork, sports, kitchen work, looks, etc etc. And of course this extends to girls.

I feel I have to provide a little background into who I am. You see when I was growing up I was never much of a catch. I am laughing out loud thinking about the ugly green cargo pants I used to wear everyday in middle school. Nowadays I view cargo shorts as a fashion disaster. But in middle school I found them useful. They had lots of pockets and the ones I had had a zipper on the leg so you could convert them to shorts. I mean, that's badass. But in middle school the skateboard scene blew up. ( I ride a skateboard now, when it's no longer cool lol) And every kid had a board with shoes and a whole wardrobe decked out in dc and etnies. I, however, still had my trusty old green cargo pants and whatever shirts and sweaters my dad would buy me.
-My dad didn't have a good fashion sense. He can actually dress himself well but he didn not have a clue how to dress me.
So in middle school I was the geeky kid that everyone picked on.
And then I moved to Hawaii.
I am totally babbling but this story has a point. Once I got back from Hawaii I had grown into my own skin fashion wise and attitude wise. The year in Hawaii got me into hip hop and basically laid-backishness. Unfortunately I got hit with a real bad case of acne.
Yeah it was super bad. So bad that I had to go on some serious medication to clear it up. This took some time and lots of creams and pills going into the trash. Finally settled on a drug called accutane. Serious stuff..

The most frustrating thing about acne was how I never got the chance to introduce myself. People saw my acne first and made judgements right there. I had to convince girls I was worth talking to and hanging out with. It sounds rough-and it was. It was high school though. A time of ignorance yes but you have to look at it this way: people go for those they find attractive. My face definitely represented a watermelon so I can't necessarily blame girls for not going for me. I just think the sad fact is that tons of guys have awesome personalities that never get to be enjoyed by girls that are that focused on physical apperance.

You can't blame people though. It's how it is with attraction.

Words can dig themselves into your brain and bug you after awhile. I suppose what was said was just a means of conveying a denial. Denial comes in all sorts of forms. And I suppose that denial is just a regular and routine part of meeting new people. But they made me feel like a creepy loser.

You see when I grew out of this awkward devon phase I've gained the self confidence to go for things. I'm sure I take risks that some don't. And I understand why they wouldn;'t. I talked about denial before and (depressingly) here I am back on the subject. So it begs the question-Am I doing something wrong?

But everytime I ask myself that question I conclude that no-i'm not doing anything wrong. And i have my reasons and such I won't go into.

So words can dig themselves into our brains. An interesting phenomenon.

Truths

Oh 90's Anti-Drug Nostalgia

I was so stoked when I found this video in it's entirety on youtube.

The Sweet Sultry Sounds Of Valerie June

Excuse while this woman melts my ears off.

Dale'ing and Failing

I'm enjoying a much needed day off before the mothers day brunch madness tomorrow. And since it's been awhile I went out with tyler and lindsay to the dale for some party times.

The "dirty dale" as they call it used to be a seedy biker bar. Now it's a tavern style restaurant that gets turned into a rowdy party fest every friday. The place usually hits capacity at some point.

I should have known to get there earlier. There's always the decision to leave closer to 10 or closer to 11 and we chose 11. And boy was it an unfortunate experience. The thing is, the line wasn't even that bad. Sure, there was definitely a line. But had everyone just kept calm and organized we all would have gotten in a lot quicker. I should mention that it's slighty raining/hailing at this point. So we're standing there and i'm looking around realizing I don't recognize anyone. I used to be able to go to the dale and one in three people I would know. I would literally say hey to a gazillion people as I would move around the bar. Annd right about at this point I feel a little old. And to make all this worse this crowd of what seems to be 18 year olds fresh on the bar scene begin to push eachother around and force themselves through the door.

Insanity hits.

All of a sudden the bouncers are yelling and everyones yelling and the word goes out to "close the door"

"Their not letting anyone in unless you close the door"

You see, the way the entrance to the dale works is that you enter through a door and you're in a sort of a lobby that meets another door into the actual bar. So the lobby itself can fit about 50 people uncomfortably. From my perspective the whole justification behind this was to stem the flow of people coming into the bar. Almost as if the bouncers were worried that the bar was soon to be at capacity. I'm looking into the bar and I can't really tell for sure if it's all that busy. But once I had gotten in it was pretty busy. The door closing thing seemed a little odd. Because sure you have the people in the lobby who know what's going on. But people are arriving to a closed door..what are they going to think. They are obviously going to try and open that door and get into the lobby. So the ideal situation would be a bouncer to stand in front of the first door. Simply telling people to chill out and they will get in soon.

However, this was lost on the dale bouncers. They simply yelled over and over to close the door. And soon everyones yelling to close the door. But the door would never close. There was just too many people. And everyones just yelling and people are pressed up against eachother inches apart.

World, let me tell you. I don't want to know what a dudes shampoo smells like. This whole time guilt begins to creep in also. Because I had suggested the dale to tyler and lindsay. So this horrfic play of events was kind of on me. There was a point when the crowd began to shove eachother. And it dawned on me. People die from these kind of situations! People have literally been trampled to death at concerts.

I fear that actually. Just a massive throng of people eveloping me. Slowly having to life crushed out of me. Hah! So it wasn't a good time in that lobby. Eventually we got in, grabbed some drinks and sat down. After making it through that lobby mosh pit all I wanted to do was sit down for a bit. Something I notice instantly is the change of DJ at the dale is really noticable. I used to go all the time when Tyler Chricton used to play. No clue who the new guy is but the song choices were bland. Lots of country music mixed with really bass neutral pop songs. It's just a shame to see people given a platform to entertain and not use it. You're given a spot on a packed bar. May as well get the crowd going. It's just my opinion though. I'm a hip-hop/electronic dude. Top 40 mixes are generally unappreciated by me. But I did get down to Shake Ya Tailfeather. Ah, classic.

Not to go on a tangent here but the first time I heard Shake Ya Tailfeather was on an And 1 mixtape. Apparently And 1 made mixtapes. And 1 is a basketball company for anyone that doesn't know. So I found this old cd in my sisters room covered in dust and out of its case. But it worked in the cd player and I played shake ya tailerfeather over and over again along with this other song remixed with a heart song. That was one of those first times where I was like "Whoa" I really dig rap. You know cause before that I hated rap. I was all about the classic rock for me and *ugh* nickleback. Hearing a rap song remixed with heart opened my perspective to new music.

Anyways, it wasn't all terrible at the dale. I ran into my boy scott bruce and he let me borrow his shades for a photo. (tried putting it on here but it's not working for an unknown reason)

Ah well. Moral of the story? I'm getting old. And I've realized it in an akward way.

PS. White girls I love you to death but pleassee leave the twerking to the ones with big asses. Nothing looks weirder than a skinny white girl trying to shake what's not there. Wacky inflatable arm waving tube man anyone?

After the bar I drunkenly made my way to chris's place for a bowl and the usual 2 am politics conversation. Shout out to the random dude who split a cab with me.

peace & love

My Departure From Religion

Growing up religion was never really a part of my life. My family didn't attend church and when I asked my dad what religion we were he answered "protestant". But my dad's not a religious man and i think he said that just to shut me up. He had a lot of one liners to shut me up when I got too nosy. Anyways, growing up the church was around. I always saw it and wondered why people go. I knew religion was important to people. Even as a child I knew that it defined the lives of people. I knew it was a very important thing to some people. And in fact I still understand and respect that. At this point in time I liked the idea of god and heaven. I liked the idea of hanging out with loved ones etc etc. Bouncing on clouds and seeing dead celebrities lol

When I was in grade nine I was approached by a guy who was into street hockey. At the time I was living in Hawaii so it was difficult to find a white dude into street hockey. This guy asked me to hangout. Told me he was part of a youth group. I knew it was a slighty religious group. But the situation didn't make itself clear until I was in the thick of it all. I remember the first day clearly. The guy came and picked me up and took me to a religious store. It was called the giving tree I remember that. In the store we gathered around a table and did bible study. I didn't have a bible to I borrowed one. It was dry, I tried to stay involved. I felt pressured to maintain a sort of religious demeanor. I was not a religious at that time and i'm suure it showed. After the bible study we packed into a large van and headed to the church. Along the way we picked up other people and blessed a lady in a burger king parking lot. I felt fucking foolish to be honest ahaha laughing out loud right now! Once we got to the church things were a bit cooler. There were cute girls, albeit religious, and the church was more like a nightclub. There were good bands playing and we all danced and had fun. Nearing the end of the service they called anyone who hadn't been to the church before up to the front. They welcomed us. I felt like king shit. I belonged.I was part of something. This detail is important because it's a glimpse into the attractiveness of religion..especially a born again church as this was. People go to church for the community and the belonging. There is a certain kind of self confidence that is gained from faith.

I was taken to a side room with about ten other people. There I was sat down in a chair and spoken to one on one with some dude. I really don't know what made him the dude to talk me lol. But he asked me who I wanted to pray for. And I pulled some shit out of my ass "My mom and brother" so he then begins to chant in tounges. Aabajba,bab like fuck I dunno what he was saying. I learned later that toungues is a human connecting with god and using his voice or something. Sounded to me like he learned some obscure chant.
It raised my eyebrows and defined the rest of my experience at that church.
In the following weeks the dude who had originally invited me became more and more agressive with his "invites"
I don't remember exactly how but I remember being felt pressured into going. Like here was this moral thing I should be doing. And if i skipped it, was I a good person?
Again..some manipulation there. The idea that morality is bred from religious doctrine. In fact the last couple times I went completely out of guilt. I just felt like jeez I should probably go.
Sometimes the church would have a few of us stand on the sidewalks outside the church and hand out flyers. Looking back on this pisses me off. Like do your own advertising you shitheads.
The cash grabs continued. This church offered get aways to cleanse the soul. All with a hefty price tag. But you would be born again! Except it's going to cost close to $1500 on some camping trip. Bulllshit.
The entire time I attended the church my guilt grew. I didn't believe any of it. I tried my best to grasp certain elements of christianity and use it proactively in my life. And in some ways thats possible, But the core belief system was not my thing.
I stopped returning the guys calls. Finally my mom stepped in and told him I was no longer interested.
Never really saw him around school after that.

In the years that followed I searched for answers. I came across a website from a canadian atheist. He had written 10-15 essays on atheism and I eagerly ate them up. It made a hell of a lot more sense than christianity. For awhile I was a devout atheist. Nowadays i'm more of a spritual guy. I've drifted from atheism to apatheism. Which is basically the idea that the question "Is there a god?" Is irrelevant. It's not part of our lives. My friends joke and call me an atheist with a bad attitude lol
I just don't involve myself in religious debate. To each their own. But I feel that organized religion is an attempt to capitalize on spirituality that we all feel. People are like "we feel something" and others are like "Well come to our church and spend your money and we will provide answers"

Not a fan of organized religion but a supporter of individual spirituality

peace & love

Devon's Tips For Finding A Good Guy

The thing is about girls is they have these conflicting ideas of what they want in a relationship/man.

It seems like the projected image on media is a classy guy with a heart of gold. He's a little less attractive but he makes up completely for it with random roses and lavish romantic gestures. These are the men who are protrayed in the media and the ones whom girls seem to swoon over.

Cut to reality. And the picture is painted a little differently. In reality, and this is just what I see, girls tend to go for what seems to be the opposite of the ideal man. They go for the wannabe thugs. The dudes who drive lifted trucks and have expensive rims. Those men who over compensate for what they lack between the legs. You know what i'm talking about though. In st james those little wannabe thugs run around all over the place. Sometimes I have to ask myself if i'm in long beach or winnipeg lol.

These dudes treat their girls like crap. And I'd like to share a funny story.

I ran into a girl once at a party. And just so happens that the conversation turned to her looks and how they have affected her over the years. It was an awesome conversation because she was truly beautiful. She was telling me that in high school she dated a guy that was deemed "a fucking geek" by the majority of her grade. She would often get asked why she would stoop so low. "He's such a dork, he's not that good looking" they would say.
But then she smiles. And leans closer to me. And what she said i'll never forget.
"But he had the biggest dick i've ever seen" "And he could make love to me in a way all those jocks could not"
"You see devon he knew how to pleasure me, these jocks would huff and puff and grunt and thrust their little dicks into me and say "You like that?" and i would have to lie and say yes.

"But this guy knew what I liked. He would kiss all up and down my body, It was amazing"

Touche...

So what are my tips?
1)Self confidence is different than a huge ego. Self confidence invoves the ability to acknowledge ones faults and from there..make oneself a better person. A dude that thinks he can fight the whole world and that he's packing the biggest penis probably has neither of those qualities.
2)If he absolutely needs to know who you are hanging with, wether they are male or female, and why didn;t you invite him? Probably a good sign to get away. Especially the whole who are you with and are there any guys.  This is a reflection of his own insecurity. But it's also telling of how he thinks of you. Not a whole lot of trust there right? Trust is a pillar to a relationship. It's part of the foundation. Warning signs..
3) If he hits you or verbally abuses you, lose him. Call me or someone from my friend group and we will take care of any danger you feel to be in.
4) If he doesn't want to meet your parents..suspect.
5) If he tells you that you're sister is hot and hits on your sister..suspect.
6) Same with your mom.
7) You can often tell someones priorities by the sacrifices they make for you. If he's saying shit like "i'm a free spirit" and he is trying to have sex with other girls while with you..lose him. Cause being a hippy doesn't give you a right to be an asshole.
8) If you catch him making love to a man..lose him. Or join? aha.
9) If he wears white sunglasses..lose him lol
10) All jokes aside if he doesn't make you feel beautiful then understand there's guys out there that will.

Relationship's are a two way street. But don't find yourself walking the lonely road while he's gunning the engine of his sports car and calling you a bitch to his friends.

peace & love

Insecurity

The thing about being a man is you're not supposed to show weakness.

They say insecurity is ugly.

I could go into how destructive this can be on a young boys life. But that's not the topic of this post.

I feel insecure sometimes. And I wish I could make it go away.

The thing is there's two parts of my ego. The ego in which I am my own superhero. There are lots of times I look at myself and my life and say wow i'm blessed. I'm blessed with ok looks and great friends. A loving family and a healthy body.

However, I get insecure sometimes. That's the other part of my ego. And it lurks in the shadows. Ready to come out when i'm at my weakest.

When I feel insecure these are things I think about.

-I don't have a car. I don't even have a license.
-I ride a skateboard around but I can't do much on it.
-My friends are great dancers and gymnasts and i'm out of shape and skinny. And I can't dance for crap.
-I live in a really small bachelor apartment. It's about the size of a postage stamp. Sometimes the door rattles when cars pass by lol. This happens frequently throughout the day.
-I'm 23 and only in my second year of university. I feel like it's going to be an eternity until I get a degree. Not too much mention I want to chase my masters.
-I'm really pale. I could never tan. People always ask me why i'm so pale. When I was young i got teased mercilesely about it. The residual effects of that stick with me. Although i've come a long way in self confidence when it comes to my skin. When I go to the beach I know I stick out.
 -I got dumped in a pretty brutal way in october and i still deal with a little self-conciousness about it.

This isn't an entirely negative nancy post though. I'm actually very humbled by the above points. I have flaws in my ego and i'm willing to admit it. This felt nice.

peace & love

Super sorry I never post..err..here's some photos?

No Argument About That

 She's beautiful, there's no argument about that.
But what are her dreams, aspirations, resignations?
What keeps her up at night?
What has her rubbing those beautiful eyes in the starlight?
Memories serving as caffeine consolations.
Her long dark hair flows over the corner of the bed.
She's makeup-less fantasizing among the constellations.
And they do blink out sometimes.
And she thinks a lost world.
A lost boy.
A kiss that almost happened.
So close that she can almost grasp how it would have felt.
His hot breath on her face.
His warm hands on her body.
But he's gone and packed up his trunk.
And set off with a pack of cigs and a dream,

She's beautiful, there's no argument about that.
I was so nervous to hold that hand.
Especially crossing that river.
On a shaky rotting log.
The water flowed oh so fast.
Those jumping jaws of denial and regret.
But together we got across.
And fell into eachothers arms
Tumbling around the tall weeds.
And that sweet smell of sap and pine in the air.

Take a run with me.
Grab my hand and let me tear you away.
You see girl I have the world in my hands.
Come closer I'll let you join the embrace.

Get away
Get away
Gotta get away.