They Say I'm Crazy..

They say I’m crazy cause of my taste for destruction

Yeah, sometimes I get off watching it all crash down around me

And I take note of who steps up to rebuild

And those that turn their backs

I’ve seen plenty fools walk away

And those that stick around are part of a stronger future

Sometimes I get to thinking bout my past

And you can see me strolling down a dark alley

To chill with the shadows

Blowing smoke of a Kush variety

Into the air I watch it all make sense

Don’t bother trying to patch on old wound

It’ll fester and infect you

Better to kiss that pain

Allow it to fuck with you a bit

Then it can fade

Or maybe we just become used to the pain

Either way I’ll do what I can to become a better man

I enjoy the late night walks, maybe I’m inviting disaster

Or maybe it's that one time in the day when everything shuts the fuck up

And I can hear my own thoughts

Girls like my ipod play list

A little taste of each tune before I find the right one

But they all mean something to me in some shape or form

Some I still miss. Those are the ones that got away

Others are cunts. Stuck up bitches that can't let go of the past

I guess denial is a tough thing to handle

I should know.

I keep thinking about us in the water

And how I would've held you tighter if I knew the waves of life would take you away

I hate being a writer and I hate believing in romance

I hate it all but can't help but hold the door for you

And day dream of skipping stones across the water

Laughing it all away

I learned about my dead grandma the other day

It comforts me to know I’m not the only one who loves club sandwiches

I guess I just wish I could have a conversation with her

Maybe help her with the New York Times crossword puzzle

Sometimes I daydream that I’ll be in the New York Times

As a bestseller.

Maybe those words will come and maybe they won't

Something about this path of life...

The right path isn't always clear

But I’ve had a hell of a time stumbling through it.

They say I’m crazy because I talk to myself out loud

I’m told that there's a fine line between creative writing and schizophrenia

I wouldn't say I’m one of those though.

I’m probably just emotional

I get angry sometimes when I know people are fake

And showing me fake love

I hate fake things

Who likes a fake flower?

Fake shit is a waste of my time.

So when I’m throwing swings and causing such a fucking scene

Just know I’m doing my best to keep it real.

They say I’m crazy.

And I’ll agree.

Let’s go hit the town with the worst of intentions.

Dec 25/12-Christmas Day

Well my trip out to Portland has been fucking refreshing. It's like my soul took a shower, shaved, dressed in a nice suit and is about to kill an interview. I leave in a couple days so i thought i'd take the change to get a blog entry done. My personal blog never gets enough attention. I'm always caught up with facebook, twitter, and youtube channels. On top of that I frequent the joe rogan podcast. www.joerogan.net. So getting to my own thoughts can be challenging sometimes. And since I am kinda stuck in a crowded house I can't self-talk without everyone finding me crazy. I'll probably do a post on self-talking if you're like whaa? Eitherway i'm here and the fingers have begun to scramble across the keyboard.

I combined the mayan prophecy with the end of the year in some philosophical musings related to improving my life. Usually i'm not about that at all. It's cliche to have things you're going to "work" on in the new year. Like i'm gonna hit the gym, save money, blah blah blah. But my goal is more of a focus on what makes me happy. I do live for others more than I should. I have an idea of who I want devon reid to be and I want to pursue that. I shockingly just discovered sticky notes on my computer. I was like jeez there should be some kind of virtual post-it notes I can put on my desktop. Sure enough there it was under accessories. So I made some post it notes regarding self-improvement and article ideas. I'm taking a slew of english courses next term so I want to have some ideas handy to write about.

I'm happy. And its weird how much you realize how unhappy you are until you actually get happy. Hah, sounds like some riddle meant to mess with the head. But I feel so different now. When you're missing somebody is frustrating cause you're no longer in control. You're kind of led to the water by your unhappiness. When you come out of that is a free feeling. Like a horse that has broken its bonds and is now running wild. That's how I feel. Like some bad-ass horse with the whole world to explore. So I feel good. And I'm glad I can say that and have it be the truth. Not just something i'm telling myself. I still have some money problems. But once those get resolved I am ready to begin saving. Gotta get out of the hole before you can fill it in.

Outside it's rainy. It's been pretty much straight rain since I arrived. It's winter so it pretty much rains constantly for the next couple months. It does put a damper on things. My mom hates winnipeg because of the climate. But I think i'd prefer a nice sunny winter day. Here the sun barely peeks out-and thats for a couple hours MAX. I wouldn't mind if the fog wasn't covering my view of the mountains. Nothing like some huge mountains to humble you. I just wish it was sunny so I could go do something. Maybe a jog or a walk. My mom lives on this god-awful hill that makes going for a walk a huge workout. Ah well, I need it. I think kellen and I are heading to go see Django something or other in an hour or so. I'll link the trailer. It's directed my quentin tarentino so i have high hopes. Although he has dissapointed me in the past.

Hmm, anything else to report on...nothing is coming to my mind. Hope my readers are having a good christmas day. I'm going to gorge on some honey ham and plenty sides tonight. tomorrow brings boxing day-i'll probably buy a new hoodie if I can find one for the right price. Maaybe a pair of jeans-but i'm gonna be pretty frugal.

Oh one last thing. It's funny how secular my christmas celebrations are. My mom sent me out to get christmas cards and she's like get the unicef cards-not the ones about god lol. We almost didn't even have a tree this year and didn't do stockings. You know they say jesus is the reason for the season. But to our family its more about getting together and showing love.

So whatever your faith-show some love this season.

Signing out.

Portland Tomorrow

birthday rant

I'm so dissapointed in a couple of my friends. Here's my rant:

First off, I never make my birthdays a big deal. I don't make a facebook page and invite hundreds of people. I feel like somebody should be able to do whatever they want on their birthday. If you want to go to the club? fine If you want to veg out on your couch eating chips and dip? Fine. For me, I just wanted to gather some of my friends for some male bonding at hooters. Easy enough, I made reservations for hooters on wednesday for 730 pm.

First off, shout out to hooters for actually reserving my table and putting balloons up. They even had "turning 23" on the reservation card. I went their with x &x and sat down.

I had initially invited 7 people. 2 of them couldn't come because they work in snow removal.One other didn't respond. The remaining four confirmed they were going to come. Here's where the dissapointment comes.

Like I said I showed up to hooters with nick and heinrichs and we quickly ordered a pitcher and a bunch of food. Tyler told me he would be at hooters at 8pm because he had to work. Jed told me he would be there at 730.

I'll start with jed. The dude gets to hooters at like ten after 8. So he's late and doesn't even apologize. In fact he didn't really say shit short of happy birthday. After that he sat down and proceeded to inform me he "can't stay long" because he "works in the morning". Buddy your at hooters not a fucking nightclub. Nobody is expecting you to get blackout drunk. Besides how long do you think we could actually hangout at hooters for? Few hours at the very most? It's just a shitty thing to say right when you get there. You gotta leave when you gotta leave man i don't need to know your already watching your watch. Another thing, he seemed straight brain dead. Didn't have anything to say. He was like a zombie.

This might be contoversial. But it's sort of expected that if you're going out for your friends birthday..you buy them a drink/shot. If not just one but a few. Jed didn't offer me shit. At the time you know i was ok with it because heinrichs and nick seemed to have their shit together. they bought me plenty beer and nick ordered me a tequila shot. plus they paid for my food, again this is sort of expected. i mean it doesn't happen in all ocassions but you know what i mean. So jed shows up late, tells me he can't stay long, doesn't buy me a drink, and is in an apparent zombie mode.

Lets move to tyler. Basically the same story. Shows up even later then he said he would be. Again no apology. Sits down and what does he say? "I can only stay for like 40 mins" Then proceeds to try and order himself wings and "get the bill" at the same time. Hey bud, wanna order me a drink with that bill? I couldn't stand it. I told him to forget the wings because we literally had 50 wings coming. He didn't offer me a drink or shot at all. Pitiful. Tyler was a little bit more alive. I appreciated the company for sure. But you know bringing your girlfriend without clearing it with me was a little annoying. Look, you're not fucking married. Its a guys night out at hooters. Even if you were married. its a guys night out at hooters. Or else i would have invited girls and gone to a different place.

Sigh..so much ranting.

Not to take away from nick and heinrichs. They covered all my expenses. Including cab ride and everything. They made jed and tyler both look like such shitheads. That was a juxtaposition that did not work in their favour.

Dec 14/2012

There's this thing about being a guy. A single dude at that. I'm not into hurting people. And i'm not into the idea of being shit-talked or having rumours spread about me. When it comes to the opposite sex right now my stance is rather interesting. On one hand I want to just experience woman. I want them around and I want to have sex with them. But I'm not looking for a relationship. That being said, of course if the woman of my dreams were to knock on my door I would happily scoop her up. So I would enter a relationship if that happened. But in the mean time, is it moral for me to enjoy random sex? Of course it's moral in my eyes. But do girls expect more from me?

What you need is to find someone who has the same train of thought as you do. The hard part is..call me cocky here. But im likable. I'm a likable guy who doesn't try to bring the world down around me. So I'm not your typical type of guy to do the whole slam bam thank ya mam kinda thing. I feel like there's this whole secret society of people just enjoying random sex. How do I get into that?

There's also the problem of how you present yourself. I can't go around and ask female friends if they want to have sex. Or can i? Wouldn't it be safer? I have lots of girls that are just casual friends. We're not best friends. So nothing would really change if we had sex. It would just be like " oh thats what you look like naked" I don't have the hang ups other people do. For me its like ok we're hanging out. Now we're having sex. Then we go back to hanging out. So it seems like an ideal situation because there's not this huge friendship on the line. If you guys don't like eachother romantically or the sex wasn't that great. oh well, back to being friends.

I guess just in general I don't know why we aren't fucking eachother more often. In 2013 i'm putting myself out there as someone that's into casual sex. Sorry, i'm not going to ask you out just to have sex with you. After going through a breakup-fuck that. I'm not emotionally investing myself in you just to fuck. Sex isn't solely for a committed couple.

The Invisible Man

The Invisible Man.

Sometimes I am the invisible man.
I step outside and the world exists.
Cars honk, lights change, fires rage.
Fists fly and lips meet.
But I am the invisble man.
I stand outside the circle of life.
On the bus I get shoved around.
Pushed and shoved by those who can't see me.
I open my mouth to speak but they can't hear me.
My heart beats but only I can feel it.
I'm just going about my day as the invisble man.
Counting the hours until I can return home.
Wherever home is.
They say it's where the heart lies.
So i'll start there.
Seeking out what is broken in the cold winter air.

Move's are made.
In this game of life.
But I wasn't invited to the party.
Groups of men in a large room bang gavels and decide my fate
Bombs are developed.
Children starve.
But I don't agree.
I don't want things that way.
I got my idea of how things can work.
But I'm the invisible man.

I roam the streets as the invisible man.
I see a heart to inspire.
A tear to stop.
And reverse backtowards the origin pain.
But even the invisible man knows tears are necessary.
In order to incite progress? You must lay out all your pros and make your best guess
One thing I'd recommend aganist is to become a poet.
You'll inevitably wind up on the street.
Cupping your hands over your mouth so save heat.
Digging in your trousers for change that counts.
Ah, where to lay your loyalties.
The invisible man has no real friends.
I just took that smile the wrong way.
That touch the wrong way.
That kiss the wrong way.
They were hungry for justice.
Pointing every which way.
I caused the chaos with a guilty smike and silently slipped away.

The life of an insivible man.

This annoys me.

This picture implies a couple things.
1) That anyone who is handicapped. Disabled. Or physically altered in anyway is not "useful". When something is not "useful" it is waste. Calling a disabled person wether mentaly or physically a "waste" is a pretty shitty and ignorant thing to do.

2) It implies that we must all be "useful" in some way shape or form. Uusually this means "Can you work?" Or "Are you participating towards society"

But what bothers me overall is the subjectivity of the word "useful". Useful can be fucking anything. Perhaps in this fork situation I would prefer a fork that hasn't been deformed. But i aint fucking agreeing that a unique person can't be useful.

Hi Rihanna

Consolation

Sometimes when I cry the night sky is my only consolation.
Cause I know somewhere out there someone regards the same constellation as their salvation.
Oh what will we do to save our nation?
Lock and load.
Losing control.
I'm doomed. I got blood on my soul.
Body parts in the streets.
Kid stepped on a land mine. Now he's got no toes for his cleats.
Nowadays he's inclined to let his fingers dance anyways.
Across the piano.
Across the page.
And if you find him the right time and place.
He might write a poem with a funny look on his face.
And it would go something like this.
I see that girl, her face I want to kiss.
I found a memory, I clench it in my fist.
I see the ball players, and it's my legs I miss.
And he'll crumple it into my hand and wheel himself away.
My crocodile tears seem silly now.
All my past trials and tribulations can be summed up to an ego game.
And self-shame.
I was always my worst friend.
So sometimes when I cry I view the constellation as my salvation.
Cause my eyes saw the world like you did.
And my heart pumped the same blood that you did.
And we're both thinking of how tomorrow's a new day.
Like you did.

Connect the world.
Connect the minds.
Pass the pipe.
And write your ass off about the world around you.
Cause once i'm gone it'll be my words that linger.
For future kin to avoid the bloodshed.
One.

Body Pos..err wait?

Photo's like this piss me off :

Because it's not about body positivity at all! And it fucking could be! Look, it doesn't need to be about who is more attractive. All the girls are attractive! Also, why are woman constantly boxed into that one single aspect that seems to define them-their looks. So while this photo may seem to be promoting a love for thicker woman ( trust me i'm a fan also) it also demeans the skinny girls. You don't need to shit on something in order to make something else look good. If it's good-then it stands out as good. This juxtaposition pisses me off. And what bugs me a little more is that its trying to do good..while simultaneously doing wrong.

Pumpkinhead Madness

To quickly explain what Pumpkinhead is. He's a monster. Called upon by those who seek vengeance aganist fellow humans. But as with other things, when you call upon evil you become evil itself.

I'm all pumpkinheaded out.

watch it!

This movie is actually really intense.